Friend called me a selfish idiot?

[PrincipalVernon]

Apparently it was a half joke so I can’t be offended but I’m still a bit wide eyed.
Long (possibly boring) story short: we have bought a new house, we currently live in a small 3 bedroom and have bought a 4 bedroom which does have larger rooms throughout.
My friend was round for coffee and asked how it was all going so I told her we actually had an offer accepted etc.
She then said because I only have 1 child we were being selfish for buying a house where all the bedrooms won’t be used, I don’t know why but I felt myself trying to justify partly by saying that I work from home so one of the rooms would be an office, she then pointed out that we’d still have a spare and this was idiotic and unfair.
Am I missing something and being unreasonable for wanting a bigger house even though we won’t be adding to our family?

I also agree that she’s jealous and rude. What did she mean “you were being selfish”? You will pay for this house, then you will be responsible for council tax and bills, you will clean it and maintain it. It’s none of her business. I wouldn’t share anything about the purchase with her in the future. You haven’t bought it yet and she’s clearly not a friend who would wish you luck and give you support.
She actually could say something about environmental side. There was an article on BBC not so long ago about that. It said that downsizing is very green choice. But how she worded it just showed that it’s nothing about the planet, it’s her pure jealousy through and through.
Good luck with your new house. We are family of three as well and planning to extend. I want 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms!

4 bedrooms for 3 people only gives you 1 spare room, so it's still on the small side - that's what I would tell her, she 's a jealous idiot.

Lots of couples have a bedroom each - we do.

Very odd comment, you say it was a half joke so I assume you questioned her about it?

What did she say?

It's like asking why you need more than one pair of shoes?

I smell (sniff, sniff) jealousy! It's sad when 'friends' can't be happy for you! Enjoy your new home... every single room x

She then said because I only have 1 child we were being selfish for buying a house where all the bedrooms won’t be used, I don’t know why but I felt myself trying to justify partly by saying that I work from home so one of the rooms would be an office, she then pointed out that we’d still have a spare and this was idiotic and unfair.

Did she actually call you a “selfish idiot”?

Either way, your first port of call when you move in must surely now be to build a humongous fuck off extension.

Oh it was a ‘half joke’ was it? . I hate it when people say really shitty things and then think its a get out of jail free card to say “oh I was only joking”!

Tell her she’s only a half-friend so you wont be bothering much with her anymore. She’s a jealous cow btw and yanbu.

Glad I’m not way off the mark here!
Yup, she actually said ‘ haha well I think your being a selfish idiot for spending all that money’ then ate a biscuit like she’d just said I like your new hair style.
I found the whole thing bizarre as I couldn’t work out why I was selfish and why it mattered where I lived to her, she has a nice home and as far as I’m aware not looking or wanted to move.
Maybe il be busy next time she plans to come round for coffee, and to think I was rushing round all morning so I had time to catch up with her just to be insulted 😂

YANBU. How rude and ridiculous your 'friend' was to call you selfish, the housing market doesn't work that way. And not idiotic either as there's never really any such thing as a spare room (unless you have a mansion, perhaps), one can always find a use for it.

Jokes are supposed to amusing (or even half amusing!) and she was out of order.

*to be

Sorry, I am using my original 'user' username for this as I don't want to use my normal 'handle.'

@PrincipalVernon

Your so-called friend is probably jealous yes.

We had the opposite however.

We had a big 4 bed that we bought in the 1990s. We got it for £53,000.

20 years on, kids had left home and we downsized to a small-ish 2 bed detached cottage with a lounge/diner. low beams, small-ish bedrooms, small bathroom, decent sized kitchen,. Big garden though, and a garage and big loft. (Like the cottage Kate Winslet lives in, in 'the Holiday...) We bought it outright from the equity on the 4 bed that we sold for much more than we bought if for (5 X more actually...)

So we had a little 2 bed cottage and were mortgage free (by the age of 45.)

When we moved to the cute rural area we live now, a so-called friend of mine, moved (shortly after we did,) from a 2 bed rented flat to a 4 bed detached house (for £300K) along with a £275K mortgage at the age of 47.

She went on and on and on and on about how we must miss our big house, and how SHE couldn't survive in a 'tiny caravan sized home,' and don't we miss then room, and how can we stand the tiny bedrooms (10 x 10 and 12 x 12 aren't super tiny to me tbh! Maybe not massive, but OK!) And we must regret giving up our old home. (NOPE!)

SO we figured she was either jealous and bitter that we had a house paid for outright at 45, OR she was jealous of the area we lived in. She sure was jealous though.

I'm lost how you are selfish for spending money ? It's not like she's being deprived is it? Surely you are loving and giving, mainly in the form of stamp duty and estate agents fees !

Oh and YANBU to have a 4 bed house if you want @PrincipalVernon ...with 3 or 4 kids, or just one, or none.

I hate it when people make nasty comments and then make out its a joke. Don't invite her to yr new home. Job done. She's no friend. Its got nothing to do with her on where you choose to live whether its a mansion or a tepee!

Houses, generally, are appreciating assets.

This is odd for me because I’ve never considered why people want big, fuck off houses! Not saying yours is obviously.

In history they were obviously a sign of wealth and social standing but now - why? It’s an interesting one isn’t it?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you having a 4 bedroom house. And it’s certainly none of her business!

It’s just making me think; why do people (including me) have a house that’s bigger than what we need, really? Though we have managed to fill every room with a purpose!

Selfish how? It's an open market and if anyone else wanted it they could have put in a higher offer. In fact maybe you prevented some single person buying it as a second home?

Yeah selfish you for keeping the housing market alive and pumping money into the economy

This is a bit like what happens anytime property prices are discussed on MN. There are some who attribute high prices to greed and evilness on the part of others rather than some obscure concept like supply and demand.

You have confirmed her theory that it's all due to greed and evilness.

I had a friend like this once. I let incident after incident slide until one day she just went too far. It all boiled down to jealousy. I was gutted at the time, but it was for the best.

Forgot to say that friends should help build you up and give you constructive criticism when required, not tear you down to make themselves feel better.

We have a four bed and one child (ttc number 2). One of the other bedrooms is a guest room, one is where we dry clothes and do ironing etc. And downstairs we have a playroom and office, plus sitting room and kitchen-diner. I love it. I love having loads of space. I grew up in a very small house and no way would I downsize just because someone thinks I’ve got too many spare bedrooms. Fuck her, OP.

why do people (including me) have a house that’s bigger than what we need, really?

depends what people mean by "need". I think that the very basic minimum should be one room per person, even if it includes the kitchen so each person in the house can have some space.

My kids need a bedroom each as far as I am concerned, we need a playroom/game room, I need a bedroom, DH and I a study each, we need a guest room (but 2 or 3 would work better) and I could do with a bedroom each as a walk-in wardrobe. I could happily have another 4 or 5 bedrooms in the house and be cosy. I just need a higher salary to get my dream house
We could survive with less, but I want a bit more from life than the minimum.

There are enough unsold properties around the country and houses left empty, I can't see why is anyone selfish to have a home.

Oh, forgot the "crap room" - the room where you put current stuff so it doesn't clutter the rest of the house. Presents to be wrapped, suitcases to be filled and so on.

Tell your friend that she's an obnoxious jealous twat. My cats have their own room !