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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

when a rich person says 'money doesnt buy you happiness"

275 replies

pingIspom · 06/07/2019 13:58

aibu to feel like screaming ? Angry

money does buy happiness otherwise they'd give it all away

OP posts:
369thegoosedrankwine · 06/07/2019 14:41

Money does not buy happiness - BUT not having money / worrying about it and feeling you cannot join in basic levels of society (sporting clubs, low level socialising, not having enough food) can make you very unhappy.

There is a difference.

Lifecraft · 06/07/2019 14:43

If you handed the man from Govan £1 million and moved him to Kensington, he wouldn't necessarily live to 81.

True, with £1m, he wouldn't be able to afford to live in Kensington, so would be sleeping in Hyde Park, which is worse than his crummy flat in Govan. He might be swigging champagne instead of Lidl Cider, so not all bad.

trueprofile · 06/07/2019 14:44

its patronizing to say to a family below the poverty line that money doesnt buy you happiness! its just rich people wanting to sound too precious

InTheHeatofLisbon · 06/07/2019 14:44

Not everyone in Govan is a raging alcoholic Confused

anothernotherone · 06/07/2019 14:45

RunningNinja79 I absolutely agree that work life balance is way more important than money. People who work 80 hour weeks for an excessive amount of money when they could work 35 hours for a comfortable amount are in my opinion absolute foils and very often utterly selfish, as they usually expect others to suffer for their choice (their children or spouse most commonly, often other random friends, acquaintances and family who they think should pick up their slack because they are too important).

However it's only true up to a point.

It depends which point along the see saw balance between too little money and more than you need your family balances at.

A perfect work life balance involved enough money to meet your family's needs and some of their wants and to save balanced with enough time to spend with your family.

Too much time at work is shit. Living month to month just managing to pay the bills without anything left over is shit. Actual poverty is obviously very, very shit.

Nanamilly · 06/07/2019 14:46

If someone can’t see beyond a persons finances and understand that they may have heartbreak and very difficult situations in their life then they must be as thick as mince.

CloserIAm2Fine · 06/07/2019 14:46

Money doesn’t buy happiness but it sure as shit avoids a lot of stress! Not having to worry about paying for the essentials like a roof over your head and food. Being able to say yes to your kids five pound school trip without thinking about what meal you’ll have to go without.

Money buys choices and opportunities for you and for your children.

I think there is a point up to which more money makes you happier, that point being able to comfortably afford everyday expenses and not have to worry about an unexpected bill. Even beyond that, to be able to fund private school, live in a nice area, go on fancy holidays, support your DC into early adult life so they can save for a house.

The people who say money doesn’t buy happiness usually have enough of it that lack of money doesn’t cause them significant stress.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 06/07/2019 14:47

Money doesn't stop you or loved ones from getting ill. But it does mean you can pay for the best medical treatment available and you will know that everything that could be done has been. You won't be wondering if the outcome could have been different if only treatment hadn't been delayed by waiting lists or NHS not providing certain medications.

I would rather be miserable in luxury.

There is an interesting documentary on Netflix about happiness and wealth iirc. It talks about the levels of wealth required to impact upon basic levels of happiness. Along the lines of £50,000 being a life changing amount to a homeless person, since it gives them access to a roof over their heads, food, clean clothing, medicine etc. But that same amount of money to a millionaire is nothing, since it adds nothing significant to their lives.

pingIspom · 06/07/2019 14:49

If someone can’t see beyond a persons finances and understand that they may have heartbreak and very difficult situations in their life then they must be as thick as mince.
Hmm

OP posts:
lrh3891 · 06/07/2019 14:50
  • I must remember to tell my very rich Mum this.

Oh wait, she's dead. Cancer.

Money didn't save her life. Nor did it save my 28 year old friend who died of cancer recently either.*

Yep. Nor my millionaire friend who, at 34 is about to die from cancer and leave behind her 2 year old.

InsertFunnyUsername · 06/07/2019 14:52

YANBU OP

bingbongnoise · 06/07/2019 14:58

Money does not necessarily bring happiness.

But the lack of it DEFINITELY brings misery.

floraloctopus · 06/07/2019 15:01

Some people are so poor that all they have is money.

YouJustDoYou · 06/07/2019 15:02

Money takes away worry and stress. It made me happy in that regards.

goodwinter · 06/07/2019 15:03

YANBU, it's a completely thoughtless thing to say.

Life is easier in terms of money worries for rich people. Does it stop bereavement? Life threatening illness/accidents? Divorce? Stillbirth/miscarriage? Addiction? Estrangement from family and friends?

It can buy you better medical care, a better lawyer, better inpatient treatment if needed, etc. Let's not forget that you're more at risk of illnesses if you're living in unsafe situations (think mouldy rental properties) due to lack of money, or working a particularly risky job. And we now know one of the biggest factors in addiction is feeling alienated, which also increases if you don't have money to socialise, or you're homeless and can't integrate properly with society, etc.

Certainly money doesn't literally "buy happiness", but it sure does fucking help.

colourlessgreenidea · 06/07/2019 15:03

money does buy happiness otherwise they'd give it all away

That doesn’t make sense Confused

If money automatically created immense misery then people may well choose to give it away.

Happiness can’t be ‘bought’ by any amount of money. However, money does alleviate some (though not all) causes of unhappiness.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/07/2019 15:04

OP
I am sorry if you are struggling financially.
Whatever the truth of the phrase money doesn’t bring you happiness I think people recognise that lack of money can definitely be a cause of unhappiness.
I hope things improve soon.

TenAndFive · 06/07/2019 15:05

Money doesn’t buy you happiness, I’m living it. Those who think money can buy you happiness are those who have never had x amount of money.

The best things in life are free, I would be so miserable if I didn’t have my two children.

Yes money can buy you freedom and more opportunities, but that’s about it!

Sadie789 · 06/07/2019 15:05

Hate this kind of jealousy. You really have no idea.

Here’s a better saying: your health is your wealth.

My parents are very wealthy (because my dad, despite lifelong health issues worked long and hard to build a successful business). Currently all that money is sitting idle in the bank because my dad is wheelchair bound with a progressive, painful, terminal illness and has been for about 15 years.

All those years my mum was his career and now she too is in the grip of a terminal illness that will not only kill her but has stolen her identity with life changing, disfiguring surgery.

Money means absolutely nothing. It can’t buy your health. It can’t buy a cure. It can’t replace your tongue when you’ve lost it to cancer and you can no longer talk or eat.

So please, before trumpeting your nasty, petty jealousies, try thinking of the bigger picture. Life isn’t about buying nice things and fancy holidays. It’s about having love, health, family, success in doing what you enjoy, appreciating nature and the outdoors, fostering good relationships and absorbing the riches the world has to offer (art, culture, books). All of which is free.

Sunflower20 · 06/07/2019 15:05

Money absolutely buys superficial happiness, true happiness is obviously priceless but money may help you get there. Put it this way, it's harder to be happy without money.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/07/2019 15:05

Money is just a tool, like a screwdriver.

If you have a whole load of furniture to screw together to furnish an otherwise empty house, but don't have a screwdriver, your job will be impossible, you'll have to sleep on the floor, won't be able to pack your clothes away carefully and accessibly. you'll have to eat from a lap tray without a table - and you'll be sitting on the floor with your back against a wall whilst you do it, as no chair either. You can just about get by but you'll be miserable, uncomfortable, probably not enjoy life very much, be embarrassed to tell others of your situation and ashamed to invite them over. It will play on your mind all the time and consume your thoughts, to the detriment of other things you need and want to do and think about.

If you have a basic, cheap, rigid screwdriver, it will be heavy going and you'll have to take it slowly, over a number of days, but you'll be able to get it all assembled eventually. You'll probably have stiffness and blisters in your very sore palm, though, and will be embarrassed to tell people where they came from - but you'll have got by.

if you have one with an ergonomic rubber handle, it'll be quite a bit quicker. Your hands will still really ache at the end of it, but you'll do exactly what you needed to do.

If you have an electric one, it will let you do it in very little time at all and without pain (apart from buzzing hands for a little while at the end of it). However, you have to remember to buy a battery, maybe a spare one too, keep it/them charged up and find somewhere waterproof to store a big bulky box.

If you have a super-duper gold-plated, diamond-encrusted, Kardashian-branded electric screwdriver that you bought at Harrods, you're in no better position than having a standard Black & Decker one. In fact, it will be much harder and impractical to use than one made of rubber or moulded tough plastic. It will look beautiful and impress your friends, but it will have cost you many thousands. Those friends may be jealous of it and make catty remarks. somebody might try to steal it from you, so you have to find somewhere very secure to keep it - and pay a high insurance premium to protect it from theft or damage. Every time you use it, you'll be panicking in case it malfunctions or gets scuffed. There will come a time when the Kardashians will no longer be admired or even tolerated but will become a kitsch object of derision (maybe not that far off). If anything, you will want to keep it out of view of your friends, so that they don't laugh at you. It cost a lot, but nobody wants it now, so you can't even sell it, so it's just become a burden and a white elephant - but still one that you have to keep safe and pay to insure.

Has it truly brought you unalloyed happiness - or at least confidence and satisfaction that you were able to easily achieve what you needed to do?

David Rockefeller was one of the richest people who ever lived and there was nothing material that he wanted and could not buy. His wealth bought him an immense amount of power and influence. Just over two years ago, he died. A simple review of how much money he left behind determined that the figure was 100%.

I am not in a good financial situation right now, but I can buy a tin of beans and enjoy eating them. David Rockefeller cannot. Am I happy? Not ecstatic, but reasonably so - and I count my many blessings, most of which were not and could not have been achieved with money.

JaceLancs · 06/07/2019 15:07

Money gives you choices
Having money can reduce stress about the lack of it
But no it doesn’t buy you happiness or health or a long life
Even though I don’t have that much money I’m glad my parents do
Spending their money (POA) gives DF a nicer nursing home, a state of the art wheelchair, every aid and adaptation that he needs and some private therapies
DM with dementia can afford a cleaner and gardener, not to have to cook, taxi to go and visit DF

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 06/07/2019 15:10

The thick as mince comment..Hmm
We could be here all bloody day arguing, but I think it's fair to say, money cannot save you from death.
It can often stave it off for a while under more pleasant circumstances.
Can it prevent a broken heart of your husband runs off with Beryl from HR, no, but it can make it easier to divorce the cheating twat.
Lets not pretend having money doesn't make things a mega fuck tonne easier than not having it.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/07/2019 15:10

It is not 'petty jealousy' to be envious of people with money

The gap between rich and poor points to our societal unhappiness. Greater than its ever been.

Oblomov19 · 06/07/2019 15:12

Makes me cross. Does make a big difference to me.

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