... to resign in embarrassmnet and emigrate to Timbuktu? *mortified*

[ShuckThisFitThough]

NC because ... well, technically, I guess I wouldn't have to: I'm going to have to change my name and emigrate anyway after this.

I've accidentally messaged my bloody boss in a way that was ... unintentionally sort of suggestive. Which I totally did notice - roughly about 10 seconds after hitting "send".

What it was actually about: fellow manager being an utter moron who's been the cause of several people resigning in frustration and me categorically refusing to work a role that makes me dependent on that guy because I actually like my job and was planning on keeping it (so long as it allows for me to ignore the moron as much as possible).

How I phrased it: iteratively, from direct, using a lot of NSFW terminology, going towards cleverly chosen metaphors:

When I accidentally hit "send": at the point when the aforementioned metaphors were about 3 revisions from being actually sendable and revolved entirely around royal mistresses of all things.

The self-identified king is going to read this totally wrong, isn't he?

What I meant is: I don't want to work for or with this person, no matter what.

What I probably actually said - albeit unintentionally - is: "I'm totally down with going to bed with the boss, no strings attached." And there are two potential bosses in this story, one of whom I've just complained about lengthily (hence the text) - the other one being the recipient.

I'm going to have to leave my home, family, job and friendships behind and start a new life where nobody knows me, aren't I?

Please tell me it's salvageable.

Reasonably, I think your only course of action is to actually fuck him, in way of an apology for an incomprehensible email.

Have you sobered up, OP?

Or, to phrase that question in a way you'd understand:

Was the hope drunk
Wherein you dress'd yourself? hath it slept since?
And wakes it now, to look so green and pale
At what it did so freely?

This is funny.

I don't think that anyone would read anything suggestive into your email, so I wouldn't worry. But it is a bit pretentious and not really as clever as maybe you thought you were being.

If a professional development coach has suggested that you should be more diplomatic then you should be aiming for that. If you've been given that feedback then it means your communication style is far enough off optimal that you really should address it. You might be very good at your job, and you might have done well in your career, but at a certain point if you can't communicate appropriately then it will hold you back.

I've worked with a number of people who pride themselves on being 'direct and to the point', and more often than not it means they're a bit rude and abrasive, and the type of person others tread on eggshells a bit around. Being direct but diplomatic is a skill worth developing.

But that doesn't mean using metaphors - I can't even really understand how you end up in a historical metaphor on a revision from your original email. I mean, where were you aiming to end up?

FWIW I often revise tricky emails a number of times before I send but I start with my first version being as close to the one I want to send as possible, and then revise phrases and words to ensure it gets the point across as clearly as possible but does not read as rude.

My head hurts too.
I'm confused too.
Do you normally think in this way? Using these words?
It's all wierd. Why don't you start using normal English. That might help!

I hope it will OK, OP. Your boss' reply does sound like he is kind of weary...

The below is a good point.

I don't expect there are men wasting time drafting out "clever" emails to make themselves look witty

OP, if you'd had a big meeting about the same issue earlier in the day I'm sure your boss would have read the metaphor in context, rather than thinking you were cracking on to him.

Let's hope, anyway

Bumping this for the morning crowd. Utterly bizarre.

I think all will be fine

OP

Your email was fine, I understood it. It appears that your boss understood it. I really don't think he will imagine you wanted to be his mistress, rather that you didn't want to have your head cut off by a lunatic with power.

If you are both history buffs, this story will be familiar and not pretentious. It is actually covered in horrible Histories so common knowledge, to be fair.

Men often write rubbish, pretentious emails at my work,for the record. Women, who often have to work harder for less pay with more caring duties are strong employees.

I get the impression you are very intellectual and have never done much that’s morally questionable in your life, and so have made this a huge deal when really it’s nothing.

If that’s genuinely what you said you shouldn’t worry. OK yes technically these people were mistresses and yes he could infer that he’s the ‘king’ in the analogies, but I expect that in drawing comparisons he will focus on the power play between the individuals and not the fact they shagged. If you make a huge deal out of it in your embarrassment, you will probably make things worse and introduce an idea that never occurred to him.

The only way it's going to be understood by anyone else is if OP tells us what drink, drugs and glue she'd drunk, swallowed and sniffed last night so that someone else can do the same then translate the story.

I really don't think he will imagine you wanted to be his mistress, rather that you didn't want to have your head cut off by a lunatic with power.

Exactly. It was never about mistresses.
However, the fact the op has gone crazy over thinking about mistresses makes me think she does fancy the boss she sent it to!

rather be Anne Avec Tete
😂

bottomfellout that woman certainly sounds barmyshock. I've always had a soft spot for Anne Boleyn but if I had to chose which one of Henry VIII's wives to be I would go for Anne of Cleeves, she only had to endure a short time as Henry's wife came out of it with her head, wealth, property and status, lived as an independent woman instead of having to return to her arsehole brother and the English public seemed to quite like her too. All in all I think she fared the best of all of them.

And she got a very nice house in Lewes as part of her divorce settlement! It's a museum now, and has a nice little cafe with a garden.

I love this thread

firstly if that’s what you wrote you’ve nothing to worry about
Secondly just say I was trying to put how I really felt without getting too personal about situation
Thirdly use scheduled send on all emails or save in draft and send next day

I seriously doubt the boss is judging you and asking PA to sort out your trip to Timbuktu he’s probably thinking exactly the same re colleague as you - seriously they see more than you think !

Your poor boss won't be able to make head nor tail of your ramblings. He's probably after hitting the gin to help him cope. I've read your post 3 times and I feel like hitting the gin. .

I think that your message made perfect sense in the context you've given and your boss will understand that and definitely won't think you're wanting to have sex with him.

Hope it works out for you and you get the credit you deserve rather than having to cover for someone who is incompetent!

Ps If a text send as wassap you have a small window of time to delete for all

Well if he cracks on to you now it'll be your own fault. You've made your bed and now you'll have to lie in it

God knows I could talk about Anne Boleyn all day (although I'm Team Katherine of Aragon ) but even I think there might have been an unwritten "for fucks sake" after your boss's reply. Sorry

Please can we have a drip feed that you're all history professors or something?

I'm just leaving this picture here for fellow Tudor obsessives fans...

If I sent my boss an email like that he would probably respond with something like wtf you on about, have you been overdoing the ketamine.

It’s salvageable because it’s very hard to understand you

Oh op I've done worse lately, don't worry, no-one cares as much as you think.

‘I hear you. I always do.’

I’d be more concerned by his reply. Has he got a thing for you, OP? Maybe you could put this whole thing behind you and have some steamy Tudor role play sex? .