... to resign in embarrassmnet and emigrate to Timbuktu? *mortified*

[ShuckThisFitThough]

NC because ... well, technically, I guess I wouldn't have to: I'm going to have to change my name and emigrate anyway after this.

I've accidentally messaged my bloody boss in a way that was ... unintentionally sort of suggestive. Which I totally did notice - roughly about 10 seconds after hitting "send".

What it was actually about: fellow manager being an utter moron who's been the cause of several people resigning in frustration and me categorically refusing to work a role that makes me dependent on that guy because I actually like my job and was planning on keeping it (so long as it allows for me to ignore the moron as much as possible).

How I phrased it: iteratively, from direct, using a lot of NSFW terminology, going towards cleverly chosen metaphors:

When I accidentally hit "send": at the point when the aforementioned metaphors were about 3 revisions from being actually sendable and revolved entirely around royal mistresses of all things.

The self-identified king is going to read this totally wrong, isn't he?

What I meant is: I don't want to work for or with this person, no matter what.

What I probably actually said - albeit unintentionally - is: "I'm totally down with going to bed with the boss, no strings attached." And there are two potential bosses in this story, one of whom I've just complained about lengthily (hence the text) - the other one being the recipient.

I'm going to have to leave my home, family, job and friendships behind and start a new life where nobody knows me, aren't I?

Please tell me it's salvageable.

This threads given me more giggles than the household injuries one

I hate office place dramas. Just get on with your job and stop bothering your boss.

You are just waffling on about shit here. No one understands what rubbish you're talking about.

I honestly don’t understand why you think your boss would take your metaphor and twist it in such a way to consider it a possible proposition. If your metaphor had been about serial killers instead, would you be worried that he’d think you’d sent him a threat? Because that’s how ridiculous this sounds.

Unless there’s some big backstory I can’t work out why you’d think he’d ignore the obvious and relevant meaning in favour of something he’d have to do a lot of mental gymnastics to arrive at.

I hear you. I always do ...

There are two interpretations of this. The first is that you are sending your boss ninety seven irate emails a week and making their life a misery.

The second is that the two of you are in cahoots (and probably being gossiped about at work).

I honestly don’t understand why you think your boss would take your metaphor and twist it in such a way to consider it a possible proposition

I thought this nitrous oxide. My analysis is that OP DOES fancy/want to sleep with her boss and was HOPING that it would be thought of as flirty and we were all supposed to confirm that?

I would defo claim I was drunk if I sent that

Your poor boss sounds like he's used to dealing with your nonsense. Fair enough if he's paid to do that during working hours but leave him alone at the weekend for goodness sake.

Are you on glue?

This has made me giggle OP!

Unless the whole royal mistresses thing is an in joke, I’m baffled as to why you would even think to get into all that complicated analogy

The boss’ response sounds a bit vague and weary of all this malarkey.
Do you often dip into Tudor history to make a point? I’ll bet dress down Fridays are interesting at your place

This is still making me giggle!! One of my favourite threads. Let’s vote it into Classics!!

Would love to have a drink with the OP. She sounds totally bonkers.

OP - your boss sounds a bit puzzled and weary in his reply. Maybe stop trying so hard

Albeit an 'entertaining' thread on MN, why would you destroy your professional credibility by sending your boss this kind of shit by email.. at the very least, wouldn't you be concerned they'd think you have far too much time on your hands?

Credibility is like trust, it takes masses of hard work to build, but moments to lose.

I don't expect there are men wasting time drafting out "clever" emails to make themselves look witty.

Henry VIII was not a nice man.

Who wants to be nice when you can be " an intellectual who read St Thomas Aquinas for pleasure, an expert linguist, a humanist, an astronomer, a world-class sportsman, a competent musician and composer, an accomplished horseman, and a knowledgeable theologian ."

Pretentious rubbish. Those metaphors were very clumsy.

You need to restrict your emails to two drafts only. The first is the sweary draft you produce in the heat of the moment, to get it out of your system. Make sure that the bit for the recipient’s name is blank. You then go home, have a large gin, have a moan at your nearest and dearest, then come back the next day and drastically tone down the original draft before sending it. There is absolutely no need for further drafts involving royal mistresses, sleeping with the boss, or anything else. Job done.

WTF was that unintelligible piece of shit I've just read?

What are you saying OP? You messaged Boss A saying you're down with going to bed with the boss?

The whole thing sounds completely over wrought.

Agree with PP. Just use plain English to communicate at work in future. Your manager sounds weary.

It's written like a comic viz character who can only speak in riddles.

I have no idea why you would be so unprofessional to text your boss about the other boss anyway. Why couldn't you talk to him about it?
The first text was full of swear words and then you deleted it and wrote this bizarre historical text.
Can you not express yourself in a clear and professional manner?

OP,
What I have got from you is:

You like your job but currently they are trying to change your role to work with a moron (who is probably being handled) which may end up with you not liking your job and leaving like everyone else.

You and your current boss are into history and perhaps this is some kind of in banter??

You have gone home after a long mtg still with rage and unable to switch off have bashed out your Tudor msg.

He hears you, he always does and understands. Like others I think this is the bit that indicates you are ok. If they are handling the moron from your first post AND you are known to be good at your job, he knows why you sent that email. Now you need to step away from the keyboard, have a weekend and let your boss do the same. If you send any more apologising, garbling, attempting to clarify or not then you are at risk of becoming or being the issue to handle.

On Monday, follow my hubby's advice (because I have never sent emails/texts to wrong people or said slightly incomprehensible things ) and be cool dude. Go to your meeting, avoid metaphors and perhaps your only reference is to say after our meeting on Friday, this issue has given me angst. For clarity, I am happy to do my job but do not wish at this time to be moved teams. Discuss.
Then they have to tell you why/make a business case/direct you anyway. I doubt your boss will bring the email up in front of everyone but if he does, well that just illustrates my angst.. back to our clear discussion please!!

Put it this way, you're too dumb to try to be smart, so stick with what you're capable of and don't be a fool all your life

That's really nasty

@hebdenbridge it isn't nasty, it's true. People who try to sound smarter than they really are make a fool of themselves. I bet people roll their eyes all the time when op spouts stuff like this, she sounds like Mark Corrigan from Peep Show.

ShuckThisFitThough
I don't think you have anything to worry about. He's responded to say he understands. You could just send him a quick email that says, "thanks, I was worried upon rereading my email that my clumsy metaphor might not have been very clear".

Consider seeing your GP and say to your boss that you are going to get your thyroid function tested at the doctors. Apparently it can cause erratic behaviour and this sound like the sort of thing that can happen. Hope you are ok, take care!