Nursery not feeding ds

[DoYouNeedAWee]

My ds, 3, goes to nursery two afternoons a week, he often doesn't have a snack (they don't have snack time just a free snack bowl and I think ds gets too busy playing to eat) but today he didn't have a snack and then he didn't like what they had for tea so he'd had nothing to eat from 12.30-6.
He's fussy and would rather starve himself than eat something he doesn't like, also he knows I cook a light meal when we're back home anyway.

When the nursery lady told me this I asked couldn't they have given him an apple or something and she wasn't sure and said she would have to ask. Surely they could have offered him something else rather than him go hungry all afternoon.

Should I mention this to the manager or just hope it was a one off and doesn't happen again?

I don't think the nursery have done anything wrong here. He is 3 and they have the fruit to choose from themselves. It would be too hard to cater for fussiness. Tbh you're being a little bit PFB especially since you're eating at home too. A missed meal doesn't have any negative effects on a child.

But they did feed him? He just didn’t eat what they gave him...

If he's fussy and doesn't like what he's been offered for tea, can you not pack a snack just in case and let them offer him that?

In the grand scheme of things, 5 and a half hours isn't too long to go between meals for a child who isn't hungry enough to eat what they've been offered.

They can’t cater to every child (medical needs an exception)

6 hours without food isn’t going to harm anyone (medical needs an exception)

Nursery really cant start giving out alternative meals / snacks when a child is fussy. It would just get ridiculous

They provided snacks and a meal, they did their job. He didn't eat.

Agree with the PP.

Also your child is still at the age they eat when they are hungry. So you shouldn't be surprised if he skip meals for unknown reasons but happily eat the next day.

Sorry but if he’s not having a snack and refusing the food for tea I don’t think they should be pandering to him by giving him fruit. I would work on his fussiness tbh.

Sorry I disagree
They did offer him food and he didn't eat it
Could you ask them to remind him where the snack bowl is ?

He had two opportunities to eat and he decided not to. If they start giving him other stuff the others kids will want it too. They didn't do anything wrong.

Your title is very misleading. He had the option of fruit if he wanted it - he didn’t. They sat him down for tea and he could have eaten it if he wanted it - he didn’t. You’re being rather precious and PFB (which I understand - I was like that myself once) but he won’t suffer any ill effects from not eating for a few hours.

How do you know he ‘went hungry’ though? Was he upset? My 2 often go lunch to dinner without a snack. Nursery meals are delivered by an external company, the exact number needed unless someone doesn’t turn up, so it’s not like they can just rustle up and alternative meal if a kid doesn’t want what’s offered.

I am afraid that by giving him snacks he will not learn to eat a wide range of foods. Nursery is right, being truly hungry is a great motivator to try different foods

I’m a childminder and I don’t pander to fussy eating.

My job is to provide the food. It’s the child’s job to eat it.

Well no, they couldn't really offer him something else, it would end up in them dishing up a million different meals and snacks a day. They weren't 'not feeding' him, your ds was refusing to eat.

If you’re cooking him a meal anyway when you get home I don’t understand what the problem is? If he’s truly hungry he will go and get a snack or eat what’s offered for tea.

We have some children at nursery who just won't try anything we offer them...they have choices and there is plenty on offer but they won't eat it. Unfortunately there's not much we can do. I would just ask that they try to encourage him to eat his snack and try the tea

Totally agree with PP, you little one isn't the only one there you know.
Imagine if they had to do this for every child?

The nursery offered him a meal and a snack, he chose not to eat them.

5.5 hours isn't that long to go, if he was hungry enough, he would eat. Like you said, he knows when he gets home to you you will make him something he likes, no wonder he's not eating there, why would he when he's going to get exactly what he wants when he gets home?

So, snacks and a meal were provided and he chose not to have them....?

By offering him something else I mean just offering an apple or something out of the snack bowl not a whole new meal, it's only since he's been in the preschool room they've stopped doing snack time and having a snack bowl so he's still not overly confident to help himself, I've asked them often to remind him to have a snack but he rarely does. I know if I give him an apple he'll eat it whether he says no at first or not.
And he was telling me on the way home and while I was making the tea he's hungry and wants something to eat.
Fair enough if iabu, I just wont mention it next week, he usually does eat the food they do anyway even if it's something he'd refuse at home.

YABU. My DS sometimes doesn't eat what he is offered at nursery however I know that they have offered him a balanced meal and he chose not to eat it. It is not nursery's problem.

YABU nursery snacks and meals are aimed at all children and in my experience are fairly generic stuff most kids eat. It’s not their fault if he’s particularly fussy and you feed him anyway when you get home. If he realises if he refuses their food they will give him something else it’s likely the fussiness will get worse!

TBH you may find that just having what's on offer may reduce his fussiness around food or he can choose not to eat. Often children will start to try foods as they see other children eating it. Providing they offered him sufficient drinks throughout the day I wouldn't worry.

Really misleading title there OP. He had the option of getting a snack, he was given a meal. I don't see what they've done wrong?

I had the opposite problem - without really consulting me nursery started offering an alternative when my fussy eater refused meals - she quickly twigged and now refuses to eat meals and holds out for snacks instead. Wish they’d let her go hungry!