Nursery not feeding ds

[DoYouNeedAWee]

My ds, 3, goes to nursery two afternoons a week, he often doesn't have a snack (they don't have snack time just a free snack bowl and I think ds gets too busy playing to eat) but today he didn't have a snack and then he didn't like what they had for tea so he'd had nothing to eat from 12.30-6.
He's fussy and would rather starve himself than eat something he doesn't like, also he knows I cook a light meal when we're back home anyway.

When the nursery lady told me this I asked couldn't they have given him an apple or something and she wasn't sure and said she would have to ask. Surely they could have offered him something else rather than him go hungry all afternoon.

Should I mention this to the manager or just hope it was a one off and doesn't happen again?

Did he have an early lunch? If so surely he does not need to eat again until you feed him. Did he drink?

That’s why he’s fussy tho because your offering him alternatives. The nursery are right not to do that. I am a Nanny and I don’t do snacks and If they don’t eat what’s put in front of them then they go without,

Remind him to have a snack when you drop off .

He’s fussy because he knows he can starve himself all day and get his favourite dinner made for him by you. If you gave him something plain (dry toast and milk) then he would make more of an effort.

If he was that hungry he would have got something from the snack bowl. I am yet to meet a hungry toddler who won’t track down food even when less obviously available!

So when he is complaining remind him “you could have eaten at nursery”

Children don’t need to constantly eat.

I understand what you're all saying about the fussiness tbh as he does usually eat what they give him at nursery. I just thought rather than him going hungry an apple wouldn't hurt but maybe it actually would.
He doesn't really eat much dinner either I'm lucky if he'll eat half a sandwich before I take him, he gets a drink of water with his meal but often asks for a drink as soon as we're in the car heading home.
I always say to him to just ask a lady if he wants a drink and to have a snack but he's shy and they have a quick turn around of staff so he takes a while to feel confident with them.

I love all this 'he chose not to eat'

If he is like me, he will go without if he truly doesn't like the food.

It isn't always a choice. Give me a food I truly don't like and make me it it. I will be sick.

You cannot force someone to eat something they don't like and if all the children are sitting there for tea it wouldn't kill them to give him an apple or a banana.

Do they not have water they can help themselves to?

They haven’t done anything untoward. A good nursery will work to the reasoning that you should keep offering foods that a child won’t eat, as it’s supposed to increase their repertoire and eventually make them less fussy. It’s good practice.
Also a few hours won’t make any difference to him. Lots of kids do this.

@Nanny0gg I think the point is that going without food for this length of time is fine. And children should feel hungry before a meal. That is not something to worry about.

You cannot force someone to eat something they don't like

Which is fine if he truly doesn't like it but I've yet to meet many 3 year olds who have fully decided they don't like a certain food, the texture maybe or how it is served sure but to outright say I don't like X in any form is rare.

I appreciate the OP has admitted she is being unreasonable but I would also like to be another to say please don't make such wildly untrue claims as per your title. Its very unfair to say something so untrue of the people who look after and care for your child.

Isn't there research to show that the standard toddler rejects some foods up to 8 times before deciding they like it? The research I read suggested that toddlers are naturally conservative about new foods to protect them from eating poisonous berries and the like.

My son's nursery always gives him something he likes if he doesn't like what they serve. Nothing fancy, just beans on toast if he won't eat the quiche or whatever. Surely they can find him something to eat?

I've asked them often to remind him to have a snack but he rarely does.

And that's good that he knows his own mind.

I know if I give him an apple he'll eat it whether he says no at first or not.

Why would you do that? He doesn't want food and he doesn't need to feel obliged to eat it.

And he was telling me on the way home and while I was making the tea he's hungry and wants something to eat.

Excellent! So he's nice and hungry for tea. Surely to goodness that's just how it should be?

There’s a reason he eats things at nursery that he won’t eat at home, he’s sat with his peers all eating together.
If they start offering alternatives to one child all of a sudden Susan who eats everything without fail, doesn’t like her dinner, then Bob next to her doesn’t like his! They will all want an alternative.
If its rolling snack on a help yourself basis remind your son before you drop him off to get a piece of fruit.
If you are unhappy with the setting can you look round other options ?
They didn’t not feed him, at that age each member of staff will be responsible for either 8 or 13 children. He was offered tea and there was a fruit option available.
I am very precious about my DD and it’s hard, but I do think you are being a bit unreasonable (sorry to say!)

Also it is normal for kids and adults to eat more and less on different days.

The revolving door of staff would worry me a lot more than him not eating lunch.

I think they will say he needs to get up the gumption to get his own snack from the bowl - problem solving and all that. He will likely try things if you take the pressure off and stop worrying for a bit.

@Nanny0gg that's exactly what he's like (and me if I was given something I truly didn't like), he once went from 3pm till breakfast the next morning because he refused his tea (spag bol which he usually likes) when I tried the not giving in he'll eat it if he's hungry approach.
Sorry for the misleading title btw, I didn't really think about it properly.
As far as I know the snack bowl gets put away at some point, presumably to stop snacking so close to tea time. I don't usually give ds anything to eat after 2.30/3pm for tea at 5/5.30 at home.
From what I know most nursery's around here have a quick staff turn around, most seem to get pregnant then leave.

I'm going to go contrary to the majority opinion here and say it seems a bit harsh. My DC don't always like the tea at nursery in which case they get offered a slice of toast - so not a tempting snack that you'd refuse meals for but something to eat if they are hungry and just not keen on the tea option (obviously if they're not hungry they can refuse the toast too!)

As he normally does eat in nursery then to start offering alternatives could very quickly end up being counterproductive though. Missing the odd meal won’t harm anyone, especially not when you give another meal when he gets home anyway

(And I say that as the parent of a child who can go days without eating)

There is absolutely no reason why a nursery could not offer a piece of fruit to children who don't like the meal on offer.

It also isn't unreasonable for a parent to ask staff to remind a three year old that it's OK for him to have a snack when he has recently moved from a room where the children didn't help themselves.

OP YANBU to think they could have been a little bit kinder.

It is absolutely fine for children to be hungry and ready to eat when a mealtime comes around but it's also fine for them to decline a food they dislike. They shouldn't have to choose between a food they dislike and hunger that makes them uncomfortable.

A lot of children are adamant when they don’t want to eat something even if the staff do try to encourage them. Giving options to fussy children just adds to the problem.

So long as your son knows where to get a snack and the staff are offering a meal there isn’t much more they can do. I’d imagine they encourage and prompt as nobody likes seeing a child refuse a meal.

I discussed dds fussy eating with nursery and agreed if she refused the food, they’d give her a sandwich, which she would eat. I don’t think they should have left your ds hungry without offering a basic alternative.