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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nursery not feeding ds

104 replies

DoYouNeedAWee · 04/07/2019 18:03

My ds, 3, goes to nursery two afternoons a week, he often doesn't have a snack (they don't have snack time just a free snack bowl and I think ds gets too busy playing to eat) but today he didn't have a snack and then he didn't like what they had for tea so he'd had nothing to eat from 12.30-6.
He's fussy and would rather starve himself than eat something he doesn't like, also he knows I cook a light meal when we're back home anyway.

When the nursery lady told me this I asked couldn't they have given him an apple or something and she wasn't sure and said she would have to ask. Surely they could have offered him something else rather than him go hungry all afternoon.

Should I mention this to the manager or just hope it was a one off and doesn't happen again?

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 04/07/2019 19:50

My dd is like this. It is a long time for a 3 year old to go without eating in my opinion.To all the people who are saying it isn't would you let your child go that long without food at home or would you offer an alternative? If my dd refuses lunch at nursery they will offer her a sandwich which she will usually eat an hour or so later. I am working with the nursery on this and trying to mirror the food they give her at home so she gets used to it. If you are unhappy talk to them often nurseries will be happy to meet you half way. They obviously can't force your child to eat but if he refuses lunch it would be good for them to offer an alternative a while later. As a one off it probably isn't a big deal and your son will manage but it really depends on how often he goes to nursery and whether this is a regular occurrence.

NeatFreakMama · 04/07/2019 20:23

I agree with Sceptre86 that they could be offering something later, given that he didn't eat. Not a meal but pointing him to the snack bowl is easy enough for them and honestly what I think most mum's would do themselves?

onioncrumble · 04/07/2019 20:35

We are just trying to get into Yemen (live nearby) your child won't starve

Bloomburger · 05/07/2019 07:10

It's brilliant that he isn't eating for the sake of it. It's part of what's fuelling the obesity epidemic, parents constantly thrusting food at their children between meals expecting them to eat when not hungry.

BeanBag7 · 05/07/2019 07:17

My DC don't always like the tea at nursery in which case they get offered a slice of toast - so not a tempting snack that you'd refuse meals for

My DD loves toast and would stop eating her dinner and ask for toast if she saw someone else having it. Or she would want both. This would also be the case with fruit.

maddiemookins16mum · 05/07/2019 07:18

YABVU, your title is misleading too. Your child chose not to eat what was offer.

Purpleartichoke · 05/07/2019 07:23

Dd is extremely picky and extremely thin. Nursery started asking us to provide something she would actually eat each day. She was still offered the regular food with the rest of the kids.
, but she could default to what I sent, generally a plain sandwich.

Starlight456 · 05/07/2019 07:23

As a cm I do cater to a degree to certain tastes but can unlike a nursery

This second tea drives me crackers to the point I have now reduced tea portion size. My dc who eats with the children doesn’t have another tea when he goes home .

notsohippychick · 05/07/2019 07:32

My son has ASD and is very very fussy. In his case they do offer an alternative. It hasn’t made all the other children suddenly want plain pasta or plain yogurt!!

squeekywheel · 05/07/2019 07:36

Unless he has additional needs, I don't think this a big deal.

At age three, he should understand or at least be learning about consequences. Don't eat? You'll be hungry.

It won't do him any harm. Does he drink a lot of milk?

Hyrana · 05/07/2019 07:43

Firstly the title of your post is misleading, Nursery did feed your son, he chose not to eat it.
Reading one of your updates I think it is great he is saying he is hungry while you are making tea, he will eat it all then! It might make him less fussy if he is actually hungry when given food. It is good for all of us to actually feel hunger then feel satisfied with a proper meal.
By all means ask his new room key worker to try him with a bit of fruit but honestly OP I think he will be just fine and slim, which is a great health benefit for his future.

ZoeWashburne · 05/07/2019 07:46

you are acting like they didn't feed him for days. 6 hours is really nothing (barring medical issues). Children, especially fussy children, don't need to constantly snack and eat. When DS is complaining about being hungry, just remind him 'you had food at nursery, you chose not to eat. When you chose not to eat at meal times, that is why your tummy is upset and you are feeling hungry. That is why it is important to eat at meal times. What do you think you could have done next time you are at nursery and get hungry?' Then go through all the options, like he could have taken food from the snack bowl, he could have tried some of the tea, he could have asked a teacher for a snack etc."

3 is the prime time to start teaching cause and effect. This was a great learning experience for him if you frame it that way.

Your behaviour is a bit ridiculous towards the nursery. It is the equivalent of saying: Nursery left my child bored with nothing to do for 6 hours, when in reality the child chose not to participate in any of the multiple planned activities they had going on.

Original poster
DoYouNeedAWee · 05/07/2019 08:52

I must say it's nice to see just a couple of posters agreeing with me 😂
It was kale mac and cheese and the first time they've done that meal for them, I think I am going to mention casually if he has nothing at all to eat then offer him something small once all the other children have finished eating.
I do tend to try get as many healthy calories in him as I can, he's fairly petite and on the 25th percentile for height and 9th for weight so I like him having two teas twice a week.
Thanks for all the input.

OP posts:
omione · 05/07/2019 08:57

He wont starve to death.

zingally · 05/07/2019 08:59

Not the end of the world. He had the chance to eat, and chose not to. As a one-off, in this instance, not the nursery's problem. If they tried to cater to the whims of every 3 year old, they'd quickly go out of business.

If you're really worried, perhaps try packing a little lunch box of snacks for your son, that you'll know he'll eat?

My 2.5 year olds twins don't eat a huge amount at nursery either... I was a bit worried at the start, but they both eat well at home, and aren't generally very fussy. I came to the conclusion that the odd "smaller than average" or missed meal, wouldn't do them any harm.

SallyWD · 05/07/2019 09:02

I agree with you OP. It wouldn't have taken much to offer him an apple if they realised he hadn't eaten anything.

CherryPavlova · 05/07/2019 09:06

I think it sounds like the nursery was right. He chose not to eat. He’ll survive very well. If he’s given alternatives each time, he’ll be much fussier. If he’s hungry he’ll eat.not eating for six hours will do no harm.

CherryPavlova · 05/07/2019 09:06

Persuading children they need to eat when not hungry is one reason for the obesity crisis.

ollo · 05/07/2019 09:11

By offering a snack after lunch is basically encouraging his fussiness.

I think, given that he is 3, should be able to help himself to the snacks himself if he was really hungry (even if he was shy). 6 hours isn't really that long - it's basically like a normal space between food times surely?!

I have a child the same age and I think that the nursery have done their job and offered food with the rest of children. I don't really think they should start manually offering snacks to each child that doesn't eat at lunch when everyone else is since it's occasional - they are trying to foster independence and encourage children to do things themselves at that age (like getting a piece of fruit themselves, going to the loo themselves etc).

Surely it's a good thing that your son is hungry before he has his tea?

mumderland · 05/07/2019 09:12

Can't you send him in with a little lunchbox? My DS is fussy so when he was at nursery I would send him with a packed lunch and nursery would offer their food first to see if he ate any then give the food from home if he didn't like what they offered.

Owlchemist · 05/07/2019 09:15

My job is to provide the food. It’s the child’s job to eat it.

But not all children like the same food. If you out a moussaka in front of me, I'm not going to eat it, it's horrible, why would I expect my kids to force themselves to eat something that tastes horrible to them?

BarryBarryTaylor · 05/07/2019 09:17

It’s a hard one this because I hate the thought of a child being hungry.
However I am a Childminder and have looked after several exceptionally fussy eaters and it sets really bad habits if you start giving the fussy child special treatment, the other children start noticing and become difficult also.
The nursery has to have a routine. As awful as it sounds they can’t pander to each child. Especially not in a busy preschool room.

Owlchemist · 05/07/2019 09:18

My DC don't always like the tea at nursery in which case they get offered a slice of toast - so not a tempting snack that you'd refuse meals for

My DD loves toast and would stop eating her dinner and ask for toast if she saw someone else having it.

Same. Ask my DD if she wants a "proper" lunch or a slice of bread and she will ask for the bread - with no butter!

Owlchemist · 05/07/2019 09:20

Your behaviour is a bit ridiculous towards the nursery. It is the equivalent of saying: Nursery left my child bored with nothing to do for 6 hours, when in reality the child chose not to participate in any of the multiple planned activities they had going

Ok so I get that nursery cannot pander to every child but this isn't the same at all. Multiple activities to choose from, surely one he wouldn't mind - only one choice of meal, suck it up. Not the same.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/07/2019 09:21

@DoYouNeedAWee I'm with you. It wouldn't hurt to tell him to get something out the fruit bowl if he doesn't want his main meal. It isn't pandering. It isn't making a huge fuss or making him his own food. It's sending an unconfident 3 yo to get an apple

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