to not just accept whatever MIL does?

[ScatteredMama82]

We’re trying very hard to reduce waste in our house, we’ve done things like started making our own yoghurt, get milk delivered in glass bottles, make my own bread etc. We’re not fanatics about it but it matters to us. Every time MIL comes to stay she brings us loads of tat (she goes on holiday about 6 times a year, not kidding, and she feels the need to bring the kids souvenirs from every single trip). We’ve tried to say in the nicest possible way that a postcard is lovely and is plenty. We even bought them a nice big photo album so that they can collect Grandma’s postcards from all over the world. She still ignores it and brings things (imagine, plastic flags the give away free on cruises, novelty pencils that you can’t even write with, toys made from tin cans from some African village that are very pretty but sharp and entirely unsuitable for little hands). I’ve spoken to her, DH has too. She still does it.

This week she came to stay for a few days (DH is away). She kept offering to go to Tesco for me, and asking what I need. I said so many times, no thank you, kind to offer etc but I don’t need anything. The fridge is full, I have meal plans and I don’t want anything to go to waste. I got home from work yesterday to find she’d bought herself food for lunch (I showed her lots of salad, some salmon and bagels she could choose from to eat when I was at work – she chose to leave them all untouched) loads of reduced pastries, smoothies, even a pack of raspberries despite me showing her the hundreds we have growing in our garden. Now she’s all offended as I said we really didn’t need all of this food. I know it’s daft, but I hate waste and I also just wish she’d listen to me. What’s the point in asking ‘do you need anything’ if you’re not going to listen to the answer? I offered her money for it and she stormed off saying she doesn’t want it, especially if what she bought isn’t wanted. She then sat in the lounge in a huff for an hour and watched me run around after a full day in work empty and refill the dishwasher (she’d been there all day), cook dinner, and put 4 kids to bed. She didn’t offer to help at all, she didn’t lift a finger. All because I didn’t fall over with gratitude for all the things she bought that we didn’t want or need.

How on earth do I get her to actually listen to me? Stuff like this happens every single time we see her and it’s doing my head in!

For those saying I’m sounding mental and shouldn’t expect her not to buy food for herself, please read all of my posts. The vast majority was not for her. She bought it for us. She won’t eat bread/pastries and so on. It’s nothing to do with her being hungry!

"toys made from tin cans from some African village that are very pretty but sharp and entirely unsuitable for little hands"
"but they are the ultimate recycling? Can- toy-recycle again"

LostInNorfolk, possibly not, but on an individual level, to the African that you've bought it off. It might mitigate some of the damage that continuing to drink Cows milk, does.

It's laughable that someone so interested in environmental issues thinks that drinking milk from glass bottles will make a difference. The containers aren't as much of an environmental issue as the milk itself.

You are being cruel because in rejecting her gifts and her food you are rejecting her, and I think you know this. That's why she is so upset. She probably gets a lot of pleasure from buying gifts for her DGC when she is away because she loves them and is thinking of them. I get that it's not what you would choose but, like others have said, try to direct her generosity towards something that you do want instead of being so ungracious.

OP has tried that Rock - it has fallen on deaf ears. What is she meant to do now? Eat food she doesn't want to appease someone who can't/won't listen?