AIBU to think it's basic parenting to teach kids to be kind?

[chugmonkey]

I've 3 dc (14,12,10) so I'm a seasoned parent ( primary stage) and I am so sick of how few parents seem to rate teaching kindness as an important part of parenting.

From the entitled little brats that think because they have money they can treat people like crap, knowing damned well that Mummy will be up the school making sure their darling little offspring will never have to own their mistakes, to yet another poor little sod with awful behaviour on their third school because their parents would rather storm up the school, shouting and swearing at teachers who have tried to install some discipline in their little nightmares than just taking time in their daily lives to teach them some basic decency.

Sometimes I listen to my youngest DD talking about her school day, doing my best to help her through the trials and tribs of being 10 and I just feel like telling her to just tell the little shits to fuck off!

Of course I don't. Instead I try to equip her with a strong sense of self-worth and resilience, reassuring her that little Jonty or Danni-Lee will move on to another target when they don't get a rise from you.

Surely we would create a nicer place for our kids to grow up in if we all teach them about kindness and consideration, it would benefit all of them.

I agree with this. Luckily my DD is in with a good crowd who mostly mind their manners at least. But the sadder reality I was talking to my manager about the other day is that it's often the rude, elbows out people who grow into successful adults. We have a newly promoted head of department. Not one person likes them. They stamp over others and talk down to people all the time yet they have been rewarded where just as capable, yet kinder better people leaders were passed over.

ProteinshakesandAntonsAss

I guess it depends on your experience, we moved a lot when I was younger as my dad was in the forces. I then lived in social housing (council) places for years, I bought the house I live in 11 years ago.

Over the last 2 years it has got louder & louder in my neighbourhood, particularly the neighbours across the way - I think she is auditioning to be a town crier or maybe trying to communicate with her folks who live in the next county....so, I'll be moving as a result. Excessive noise from neighbours is on the rise & is deleterious to mental & physical health....

There are many studies showing entitlement to be a growing issue, so, if you have not experienced this, good, for you, you're very lucky...………….. but it's very real in the UK where I live.

Empathy is important to me.

On some occasions, bullies need empathy. So, take my DS, who's been bullied by a kid who is ASD. This lad struggles hugely with social and emotional interactions.

I told DS about ASD in age appropriate way. Told him that this child finds school scary, and overwhelming and that he lashes out because of this.

DS will not accept being hit or being shouted at, but doesn't retaliate because he has empathy. I suppose it is kindness in s way. It's understanding but without any "doormat" tendencies.

Now? Well my DS is a bloody expert in trying to understand others and to be compassionate. His cub leaders praise his ability to help a fellow cub who also has ASD. I'm still trying to instill that it's ok to have boundaries but my word, I'm so proud of his compassion towards his peers.

EQ is far more important than IQ when it comes to bring successful as an adult.

I would always be delighted to hear from a school recognising my dc's kindness.

I think it should be a given in a school environment that everyone will be kind.

I think highlighting it by means of some award automatically turns it into something extraordinary, and it also creates (ironically) ill feeling and mutterings about favouritism among children who are probably equally decent human beings but who are not recognised.

My DCs went to a school in the US from age 4 to age 13/14 (a 'K-8' school) where there were no awards at all for anything until the graduation dinner when outstanding contributions were honoured - the two students who came first and second in terms of grade point average (measured by performance in the last two years) received awards, outstanding contributions in each individual subject ditto (not necessarily who came first academically because that would almost always be the top two according to gpa) and there was a judged art project every final year with the winning entry displayed for posterity in the school. There was also a 'good citizenship' award, which recognised positive leadership and solid character.

I actually think society has got a lot kinder. I’m 55, and I remember disabled, gay and ethnic minority kids were treated terribly when I was in school in a way that would be utterly unacceptable nowadays. Of course we are not perfect but I do think we are better.

For my own kids, I have tried to teach them to look beyond the obvious in all aspects of life and of course that also includes thinking about why someone might be behaving how they are. My kids are all pretty mainstream averagely popular, but they all also have a good share of quirky/outsider mates which makes me quite proud. I think you have to be confident and brave to be kind and go outside the herd and try to include the people others have dismissed.

And actually, thinking about it, I’m physically disabled. Some of my friends are outsider/quirky types, but my longest standing, kindest friends are very popular cool girls who have the confidence to include me.

Likewise DH, who basically could have had anyone he wanted, didn’t have a problem with my disability, I think because he is so confident and secure in himself.

'I think my generation was the first to have a really entitled streak and it shows in our progeny. That - coupled with a lack of demonstrable kindness, and compassion - can make for some pretty difficult children.'

I think it's always been an issue. Look at Flashman and the other bullies in 'Tom Brown's Schooldays' or Steerforth and his friends tormenting their teacher Mr. Mell in 'David Copperfield'. If anything, I think that this may be the first generation where it is widely acknowledged that bullying and being bullied are not good things or a 'good preparation for life'. Though this isn't always combined with knowing how to deal with the problems.

I think there's a difference between kindness and being a doormat. One can behave decently toward other people, and avoid deliberately upsetting and tormenting them, without allowing everyone to walk all over one.

I think recent generations are the first where entitlement is a widespread problem, not confined to the odd school bully.

''Do no harm but take no shit'' works for us.

Agree with Tinkly and ddl1.