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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be a bit hurt?

108 replies

Sunmersunshine88 · 02/07/2019 19:42

Family member is getting married...

There are six of us siblings and they have asked one child from each of the siblings to be on the wedding except any from mine.

I can’t help being very hurt we are a close family and this has just made me feel again like the odd one out AIBU to feel a bit snubbed?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 02/07/2019 20:13

Were they like this before you separated?

eddielizzard · 02/07/2019 20:14

IME when people say 'you're being oversensitive' they really mean 'I know I'm BU but I don't give a shit, I'm doing it anyway'. YANBU, and I would be hurt too. THat's a shitty thing to do. I wouldn't be so forthcoming on the help in future.

Greensleeves · 02/07/2019 20:17

You're not being oversensitive. They are being bloody cruel and insensitive. And they know it, which is why they are trying to shut down your feelings by calling you oversensitive.

Flowers for you. I'd be hurt too.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 02/07/2019 20:18

Send an email copying in everyone asking why your children are the only ones excluded
Then don’t go, and withdraw from this toxic situation and find a genuine support network elsewhere

AlwaysCheddar · 02/07/2019 20:20

Nasty gits! That would really make me think twice about relationships with them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/07/2019 20:21

eddie
Yes, I agree. “You’re so sensitive” is something parroted to me from my family. And yes, it means I don’t give a shit about you.

HypatiaCade · 02/07/2019 20:21

"Maybe I am being sensitive. But is it such a hardship for you to try and see something from my point of view every now and then?"

Sunshineonleith12 · 02/07/2019 20:22

Just trying to think of any possible explanation - have your DCs been page boys/flower girls at other siblings weddings and maybe they feel it's time for the other nieces and nephews to have their turn?

poopypants · 02/07/2019 20:25

Your family is weird. They are also being really horrid in invalidating your feelings. OF COURSE you would be hurt. It is just odd to involve dc from each sibling EXCEPT yours and if they have no explanation other than to chide you for mentioning it then they are not only weird and rude but incredibly manipulative and controlling. I would find it hard to not see them all differently after this.

HypatiaCade · 02/07/2019 20:25

Also, as you are unlikely to 'win' this, just make sure you buy your DC the most amazing outfits NOT in the wedding colours, so that they feel fabulous, get their hair specially done as well (maybe some of those really fine gold tinsel highlights in your DD's hair?). If your family don't want to make you all feel special, then you do something to make damn sure that you all feel special anyway.

SparklyMagpie · 02/07/2019 20:26

I wouldn't be going. End of

I'd also be rethinking my relationship with them.

How the fuck any grandmother and Sibling could single out children from the group, I'd be done.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/07/2019 20:26

Hypatia
Unfortunately that wouldn’t work. The obvious retort “why should I when you’re so sensitive?” Stuck record would be better along the lines of pointing out the disparity.

helpmum2003 · 02/07/2019 20:27

I would take a step back from the family for a while. Certainly don't do the bride and groom any favours or help out.

Could it be something to do with your ex if they're so pally?

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 02/07/2019 20:27

YANBU 💐💐💐

ChicCroissant · 02/07/2019 20:28

Seeing as the OP said 'again' in her post, I'm guessing there is some kind of backstory here. Have you tackled your family before about anything similar, OP?

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/07/2019 20:28

Hypatia
That’s a cracking idea, take it one step further and dress the children in all matching outfits...

Fink · 02/07/2019 20:32

Personally I think the whole 1 child of each sibling thing is weird to start with, even without excluding yours. So all the siblings of the ones chosen are excluded. If they're in the same age range, that seems really unfair. I would not be impressed if 1 of my dc were asked to be a flower girl/page boy for my dsis or db and the others were left out. I'm not sure if I wouldn't prefer none of them to be asked than to divide them up like that - 'sorry, Aunty X just gets on better with your sister than you', 'sorry, you're not quite as photogenic as your brother', 'sorry, you're younger (even though your cousin, who is younger than you, has been chosen)'. Good grief, the whole thing is a complete mess. What a terrible idea.

Deuxcaggages · 02/07/2019 20:36

They’ve picked 1 child from each of your siblings families, so not all your siblings kids have a role in the wedding, some of them have been excluded too ?

Do the chosen ones have something in common. I.e they’re the youngest sibling. (Average age is 5 and your kids are a bit too old)

Unless there is some kind of reasoning behind why they have chosen them, then your kids are not the only ones that has been excluded.

randomncftw · 02/07/2019 20:41

I cannot bear the ‘you’re being over sensitive’ comment. I had to have therapy in part because loads of stuff that my family did to me was covered up by telling me I was over sensitive! I grew up with massive insecurities about it assuming I was abnormal!

Op YANBU.

Rachelle11 · 02/07/2019 20:41

It sounds like you got the better deal with both your kids being excluded rather than both.
As for the ex that's tricky. I still hug my brother's ex-wives. They were my family too. I still love them.

LegionOfDoom · 02/07/2019 20:41

eddielizzard

Omg that’s so true. Whenever my family tell me I’m being too sensitive, or too emotional as my db puts it, I know it’s bullshit. They obviously know how it makes me feel, they just don’t give enough if a shit about me to chang it.

Op, I would be hurt too. It’s so uncalled for

Rachelle11 · 02/07/2019 20:42

I meant both kids rather than just one.

Original poster
Sunmersunshine88 · 02/07/2019 20:51

I only have one child...who is similar age to ones that have been chosen

Any time I raise an issue in my family no one sees my side and says I’m being difficult etc. I’m not suprised no one sees it from my side tbh. I just feel like this is one step too far I don’t want to go to the wedding now.

My mum knew she was wrong when I spoke to her i could hear it in her tone but they never back down anyway

OP posts:
frumpety · 02/07/2019 20:56

Has your one child been a bridesmaid/pageboy at other siblings weddings ? is this the only time they have not been chosen to be part of a wedding ?

Limits33 · 02/07/2019 20:56

Did you speak to the sibling whos wedding it is?

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