Parent away 48hours a week

[4ormore]

So I am a mother of 4.
I love being a mum, love family life. I don’t often get a break which is fine. But my other half’s hobby now takes up 48hours a week.
Leaves early hours Wednesday morning back late Thursday.
I wish he’d use that time to spend extra with me and the kids.
Am I being unfair?

The claim that he works hard doesn't stack up if he has 4 days off a week (2 at the weekend and wed/thurs) and in those hours he does no housework, no childcare, no cooking etc.

Some parents have to work full time, do all the housework, all the childcare and never get a break. Now that's working hard.

I don't know how you address it but I wouldn't put up with it. Get a hobby or a job and drop some of the household tasks on his shoulders. Stop cooking 3 meals a day that's ludicrous and completely unnecessary. For a start don't cook for him. He has more time off work than at work so he surely has energy to cook.

Maybe it's an innocent matter of different fish coming out at night?

It is. I'm no expert but I now know a bit about carp fishing. They feed and are more active at night so fishing for them then makes sense.

Plus for anyone who is wondering why OP's husband never brings fish home, carp fishermen never do. They make huge efforts to catch these enormous fish, but when they catch them they proudly take a selfie and take great pains to return them to the lake unharmed. They try to avoid stressing the fish.

These fish have names, FFS. They are never eaten. It would be sacrilege. For example, Poles traditionally eat carp at Christmas. It's against the rules to take fish from these lakes, and breaches have led to punch ups. On one occasion two Poles were thrown into the lake.

They make huge efforts to catch these enormous fish, but when they catch them they proudly take a selfie and take great pains to return them to the lake unharmed

As illustrated by the website of a lake not too far from where I am:

ratherbefishing.co.uk/

Pics of fishermen (mostly) with fish

Pricing for day/night/day fishing ticket especially for the OPs DH

and for the Polish fisherman used to a different fishing 'culture', instructions in Polish that all fish must be returned alive to the water.

It's not 'innocent'. It's taking the piss and being a selfish bastard. If he's so desperate to see fish at night he could do so on an ad hoc basis, not every sodding week!

Does he have weekends off or is this effectively his "weekend"? Either way it's incredibly selfish

So the outcome is now he will do half day work Wednesday, then go fishing stay over night, go to work the Thursday from the lake then come home.
So still a night away from the family each week, am I wrong in still finding this a issue?

No you are not wrong! The whole point wasn't him not working it was him being out of the home!

I’d be asking yourself what does he bring to your relationship and what is his contribution as a parent?

I know this isn’t exactly the point but... the fishing is doing my head in. Since OP hasn’t clearly stated this but people are making assumptions, he IS bringing home or taking selfies with some type of nighttime fish, OP? It seems strange to me that, unless he’s interested only in carp, which is possible, but even then, that he only goes on the same day of the week, regardless of the weather, temperature, etc. I mean, fish aren’t going, “Oh blimey! Wednesday night, lads! Mr. OP is going to be here, so time to bite!” He must have a shitload of nights that nothing happens if he just fishes every single Wednesday night.

But whether it was golf, cycling, fishing, or basket-weaving, no, it’s not acceptable for him to act like you deserve no break and he deserves four days a week off, and for him to want no time with his family.

If he won’t talk about it, then there’s nowhere much to go. Maybe try waking him up with some of the hour calculations you’ve seen on this thread. Don’t SHOW them to him - just say, “you work X hours, fish X hours, sleep X hours, and only see us X hours. I take care of the kids X hours and only have X hours to myself a week. I don’t want to continue like this,” or something.