ExH and holiday club

[bernardknows]

XH and I split 2015. He got remarried and so have I. We have 2dc. DS who is 17 lives with him since 4 years ago as we just didn't get on and he didn't like me moving on with my life. DD 13 lives with me and my new DH and stays at XHs every weekend.

DS1 is in army now and lives away most of the time.

In the past XH has had dd13 mon-wed over the school holidays and the weekends like normal. This year there is a week he says he can't cover cos he's going on holiday with his new family. I told him he needs to pay for dd13 to go to holiday club but he says she's too old and he won't pay to it .

She's been going to this holiday club each holiday for years and am fed up of this arguament because she says she's the oldest there.
My aibu is should that he should pay for her to be in holiday club and she's not too old she's 13 not adult.

13 is far too old for holiday club! Let her do her own thing. Poor lass must be embarrassed being sent away to do ‘fun’ activities at her age

He's right that 13 is too old for holiday club, my 11 year old is protesting madly this year , there's no way I'll still be sending her in two years time. But it's not great that he's going away without her.

13 is way too old for holiday club!

Dont see why he cant take her on holiday with his new family

At 13 she'll be fine at home or with her friends.

Unless she's a world class athlete or something, summer clubs/classes are a bit much.

She should be going with him but as she’s not; staying at home. 13 is way too old for a holiday club

Yeah she’s too old at 13, sorry.

I’m curious to know why she isn’t going with them?

Agree 13 is too old for holiday club regardless

I was thinking the same Birds.

Depends on the club tbh. Here we have one aimed at teens and one of the things they have is a recording studio. They charge voluntary contributions to the teens who live in the area and a fixed rate for those outside the area. The main money comes from local businesses and residents who are happy to not have teens roaming the streets, the music industry, artists who volunteer their time and concerts lotto etc.

Has been running for years and is very successful. They also run a teen sexual health service, help with career/education advice, respite for childcarers and loads more.

13 is too old for a regular holiday club, especially if she was complaining about being the oldest last year.

At that age there are other choices. Dd will be 11 next summer and she wants to take some academic weeks run by local universities. She also has the opportunity to be a counselor at some summer activities. She will have aged out of regular holiday clubs, but around here, they publish the max age so there is no question.

Why isn't she going with her dad?

Why isn’t she going? On the holiday club front YABU most holiday clubs are filled with primary kids. At 13 I had my own house key, was babysitting my siblings and had a job. Perhaps you should be helping your daughter grow up and have some responsibility

We stopped holiday clubs by 13. Absolutely fine at this age to be at home or with their friends I think.

Unless she has form for not being trusted or responsible, I’d say she’s too old for holiday club.

Why are you forcing your DD to go when she doesn't want to?

She's not bad but her brother was a nightmare at that age so I don't want her being like him.

It doesn’t really seem fair to tar her with the same brush as her brother.

You should at least give her the chance to take on a bit of independence at that age. If she lets you down then she obviously isn’t ready for it and you can reassess the situation.

He reckons he couldn't afford to take her and wouldn't take her before they break up for the summer.

Too old for holiday club most around here are for 5-12years. If she can be trusted I would let her stay home. Why isn’t her df including her in the family holiday? Very unkind to exclude her.

Dorseveryone think it's ok to leave a child unsupervised at home for a day???????? Really?

She is too old for many holiday clubs (might be excluded by age for some, and would just be an outlier year or more older than everyone else)

I think your XH is wrong to peg this to willingness to pay. But is right to listen to her and that she does not want to go because she has outgrown this sort of set up.

So I think the question needs to mutate into 'what is best for DD this holiday' and look for solutions that work all round. I can quite see that you do not want her just loafing all the time, so are there ings she actually wants to do? Sports camps could work well - the days are shorter so they don't really work for childcare, but they can be good fun for a few hours each day (try your council - there may be some very cheap ones) What are her interests? Are there clubs open in the summer where she could develop an interest or skill?

Me and my DH take her on holiday every year.

Maybe an ideal time to test whether she is okay home alone? As long as she has a phone at hand to call you if any issues, I bet she would be fine.

What's the issue with her being left at home? It's only for 3 days any way, if I understand your post correctly.

Of course a 13 year old can be left unsupervised for a day, unless they have demonstrated that they are incapable/untrustworthy.

Is she not alone for a while after school, or at weekends? What do you think will happen?