ExH and holiday club

[bernardknows]

XH and I split 2015. He got remarried and so have I. We have 2dc. DS who is 17 lives with him since 4 years ago as we just didn't get on and he didn't like me moving on with my life. DD 13 lives with me and my new DH and stays at XHs every weekend.

DS1 is in army now and lives away most of the time.

In the past XH has had dd13 mon-wed over the school holidays and the weekends like normal. This year there is a week he says he can't cover cos he's going on holiday with his new family. I told him he needs to pay for dd13 to go to holiday club but he says she's too old and he won't pay to it .

She's been going to this holiday club each holiday for years and am fed up of this arguament because she says she's the oldest there.
My aibu is should that he should pay for her to be in holiday club and she's not too old she's 13 not adult.

I don't think it's fair to say dad doesn't want dd. He has her 3 days a week in the holidays plus weekends. He may just want a bit of time on his own with his new wife which presumably he hasnt had yet as the OP would not have the son with her.

My dd is 13 and is perfectly capable of staying in her own for 3 days. I would never leave her overnight or leave her in her own all if the holidays. I think you're just using this as a reason to be mad at him.

My nearly 12 year old has been home alone quite a lot. She would rather gouge her own eyes out than attend holiday club

"No my DS lived with XH full time for the past 4 years but now he's just gone to join the army but I did try to see him most weeks and take him out. Like I said he was horrible around my DH and I just couldn't cope with him so I sent him to live with his dad. My DD is ok with my husband."

I'm sure she is, she seen what happened to her brother!!

Like I said he was horrible around my DH and I just couldn't cope with him so I sent him to live with his dad. My DD is ok with my husband.

good job she is then. Otherwise she might be "sent to live with her dad".

Laughing at you being upset he is swanning off on holiday with his new wife for a week abandoning his daughter. YOU sent your son to live with his dad because he didn't get on with your new husband. That is swanning off on a whole different level.

Practically speaking your dd is too old for summer programmes for younger kids. You need to think what she wants to do in the summer. There are probably teen programmes out there. and why can't she just stay at yours?

feel sorry for both these kids tbh

Surely she’ll be fine while you’re at work?

She’ll sleep late then either go out with mates or veg around the house.

In the holidays I barely my teens even though I’m a SAHM. I only see them if they want money or food.

"I was babysitting other children at 14!" Same!

And working part time in a shop at 13!

Op you need to stop judging her based on her brothers behaviour (which I'm actually wondering was at least partly in reaction to your parenting & possibly infantilising attitude and actions not to mention doing what we see FAR too often on mn - parents prioritising their new partners over their existing kids!!) and support her to develop into a capable, responsible adult - which is your job as a parent!

"he was horrible around my DH and I just couldn't cope with him so I sent him to live with his dad." I despair I really do! That was a shitty thing to do to your child!

"I just think he needs to step up and take responsibility for his daughter" but you think you get a pass for not doing so for your son?!

"I'm sure she is, she seen what happened to her brother!!" Absolutely!

... soooo, I don’t think think the OP is coming back.
Funny how that always happens when there’s an overwhelming consensus of YABU