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AIBU?

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Original poster

ExH and holiday club

83 replies

bernardknows · 02/07/2019 17:49

XH and I split 2015. He got remarried and so have I. We have 2dc. DS who is 17 lives with him since 4 years ago as we just didn't get on and he didn't like me moving on with my life. DD 13 lives with me and my new DH and stays at XHs every weekend.

DS1 is in army now and lives away most of the time.

In the past XH has had dd13 mon-wed over the school holidays and the weekends like normal. This year there is a week he says he can't cover cos he's going on holiday with his new family. I told him he needs to pay for dd13 to go to holiday club but he says she's too old and he won't pay to it .

She's been going to this holiday club each holiday for years and am fed up of this arguament because she says she's the oldest there.
My aibu is should that he should pay for her to be in holiday club and she's not too old she's 13 not adult.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 02/07/2019 20:07

@Ghanagirl ideally yes but we don't know what type of holiday it is or where it is. He could take her elsewhere just the 2 of them.

GlitchStitch · 02/07/2019 20:10

So you refused to take your son away and now he's not taking your daughter. Neither of you sound great tbh.

Maybe83 · 02/07/2019 20:30

Well that's all bit of a sorry mess.

So you prioritised your dh and "new" family over your son but aren't happy your ex is doing the same.

YOU set the precident for it.

I wouldnt do it but you really dont have a leg to stand on and 13 isnt too young to be left alone during the day.

geekone · 02/07/2019 20:43

So you abandoned your 13 year old child for a relationship and you think your ExDH is wrong for not taking your DD in holiday. Your priorities are all wrong.

13 is fine to stay at home alone for 3 days.

BarbedBloom · 02/07/2019 20:47

I was home alone at that age and I bloody hated holiday club. It is only three days, or maybe you could organise for her to meet a friend or something similar.

mindutopia · 02/07/2019 21:04

She'll be fine at home alone, unless there is some reason you think she shouldn't (she's been known to have wild parties in your absence?).

I was home alone every day of the school holidays from about 10. I was doing overnights by about 12 as my mum was a single parent and needed to travel for work or to care for my grandparents during term time. I would do up to 3 nights alone. This was mid 90s pre mobile phones.

To be fair, I did once fall down the stairs and dislocate my knee (eventually requiring joint reconstruction, my mum could have killed me Blush ) but other than that one unfortunate incident, I was fine.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/07/2019 21:13

13 Confused yes she is definitely old enough to be home alone. She'll love it.

It does sound like you have chosen your new DH over your son tbh

Gazelda · 02/07/2019 21:13

I'm afraid that I agree 13 is old enough not to go to holiday club. I don't think you're being fair on your ex, he's done more than many fathers for the past 4 years. Can you do a deal with one of your DDs friends - you take them for a day and their parents reciprocate?

Incidentally, have you had DS with you 3+ days every week over the holidays? It seems from what you've posted that you and ex are playing a bit of 'tit for tat' with the DC. Maybe it's time to review the arrangements and agree how to handle going forward?

Original poster
bernardknows · 02/07/2019 22:18

No my DS lived with XH full time for the past 4 years but now he's just gone to join the army but I did try to see him most weeks and take him out. Like I said he was horrible around my DH and I just couldn't cope with him so I sent him to live with his dad. My DD is ok with my husband.
It's not tit for tat like someone said. I just think he needs to step up and take responsibility for his daughter and that means sorting out her childcare whilst he swans off on holiday with his new wife.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 02/07/2019 22:29

She doesn't need childcare and you swanned off with your new husband without your DS so you cant hold that against him.

Ginger1982 · 02/07/2019 22:32

So you want him to take responsibility for his DD but you didn't take responsibility for your 13 year old DS and chose your DH over him? If you only split with your ex 4 years ago and he's lived with your ex for 4 years, doesn't sound like you gave it much of a shot.

OhNoooNotAgain · 02/07/2019 22:43

It sounds to me like you're both being unreasonable and the kids are caught in the crossfire- which I don't say lightly. Sad

Gazelda · 02/07/2019 22:44

I know this thread is about your DD and holiday club.

But it's your DS who seems to have drawn the short straw in the aftermath of your first marriage breakdown. He must feel very rejected by you, and second choice to your now DH.

Your DD on the other hand seems to have had a good amount of contact with both parents.

Be careful not to overcompensate for the little time you spent with DS by mollycoddling your DD.

TheChain · 02/07/2019 22:51

Firstly, unless your DD has form for being completely untrustworthy/out of control or has SEN then at 13 she would be fine to be at home for three days. Absolutely fine. You’re being ridiculous.

Secondly, your ExH is an asshole for not including your DD in his holiday with his “new family”.

Thirdly, you’re an asshole for doing the same to your son. If my child couldn’t get along with my partner I would holiday with them separately and not live with my partner until I got to the crux of why my DS didn’t like him /struggled to accept him. My child would come first, especially as it appears you split from his father and moved on very quickly.

Basically everyone in this situation is disgraceful, except your kids. I feel sorry for them.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 02/07/2019 22:53

Bloody hell. I wish this was a wind up. Two kids should not have to be stuck with two such shitty parents.

MidniteScribbler · 02/07/2019 22:56

Wow, you kicked your son out because you wanted to move your new shag in. Parent of the year.

TheChain · 02/07/2019 23:02

Wow, you kicked your son out because you wanted to move your new shag in. Parent of the year
And also refused to take him on holiday because it would “horrible” for her new partner. Honestly, some people Confused

HarperIsBazaar · 02/07/2019 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1Wanda1 · 02/07/2019 23:11

Unless there is a special needs issue, 13 is perfectly old enough to spend the day at home unsupervised while parent is at work. She should be doing a few chores to help out around the house (put on a load of laundry, hang it out, etc), can watch TV/YouTube, and just chill.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 02/07/2019 23:14

How long has the new wife actually been the wife? Is this their first holiday alone as your ds has been with them?

FrancisCrawford · 02/07/2019 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Littleduckeggblue · 02/07/2019 23:19

Why should he "step up and take responsibility for his daughter" when you have clearly not done the same for your son?
He is clearly responsible for your son and you are for your daughter so why should he pay. You clearly picked your new husband over your son

callymarch · 02/07/2019 23:21

YABU, 13 is far too old for holiday club, mine would have been mortified. Has she not got any friends she can spend some time with during the day? Or someone that can check in on her.

doodleygirl · 02/07/2019 23:23

I feel sorry for your kids, mum doesn’t want son, dad doesn’t want daughter- how crap
Is that?

Baconking · 02/07/2019 23:26

Have you thought about when DD will be old enough to be alone at home...what's the longest time you've left her for until now?

My DS stopped going to holiday clubs in Yr 7.

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