ExH and holiday club

[bernardknows]

XH and I split 2015. He got remarried and so have I. We have 2dc. DS who is 17 lives with him since 4 years ago as we just didn't get on and he didn't like me moving on with my life. DD 13 lives with me and my new DH and stays at XHs every weekend.

DS1 is in army now and lives away most of the time.

In the past XH has had dd13 mon-wed over the school holidays and the weekends like normal. This year there is a week he says he can't cover cos he's going on holiday with his new family. I told him he needs to pay for dd13 to go to holiday club but he says she's too old and he won't pay to it .

She's been going to this holiday club each holiday for years and am fed up of this arguament because she says she's the oldest there.
My aibu is should that he should pay for her to be in holiday club and she's not too old she's 13 not adult.

It's pretty normal to leave a secondary school age DC alone all day, yes.

He should be rethinking his holiday plans. What a horrible message for your DD to think she's not good enough to be considered part of his family.

Depending on the child 13 is old enough to cope at home.

Let her arrange to meet with friends and then you know she won’t be alone.

Of course a 13 year old can be left alone all day.

Honestly, if I had an NT 13 year old that couldn't be left at home for a day I'd be seriously questioning my parenting.

I was babysitting other children at 14!

13 is far too old for a holiday club. What times will she be alone? Surely she'll want to be out with friends/reading/cinema/bike rides etc?

This is so strange. There was a thread a few months ago about a 12 year old who was too old for holiday club and the vast majority of responses agreed he was too young to left alone in the day. I was hounded for saying what SoThisisMe said!

Dorseveryone think it's ok to leave a child unsupervised at home for a day???????? Really

Of course it's OK, what are your concerns?

MN is a very strange place at times AnAC12UCOinanOCG

I think 13 is old enough to be left. Unless you're worried she'll burn the house down, flood the bathroom or something. She could go out with her mates or visit them.

Unless your 13 year old is very young for her age, she'll be fine to be left for the day

At 14 I was looking after my 11 year old sister and 8 year old brother for the whole 6 weeks holiday so my mum could continue to work full time

Unless there is any additional needs, 13 is a ridiculous age to be “babysat”

Too old for a holiday club and yes she will be fine by herself!!

I think he shouldn't go on holiday without her. I think he thinks because I didn't take DS on holiday since he moved out it's ok. But that's different. DS and my DH never got on so it would of been horrible.

I don't know what to do about DD. I still think she's too young to be at home all day and not supervised.

Any family members around? Or do what others do and take time off to look after her. Her df is unreasonable to refuse to take her on holiday, basically a rejection.

He is entitled to go away with out her especially if he can take her another time. Ideally yes he should be taking her. But then you should have taken your son as well.

Tbh you're ex has a point you didn't take you're ds away. You broke up in a short space of time remarried somewhere and have a fractured relationship with youre son who doesnt get on with you're new partner.

Personally, I think 13 is plenty old enough to be left at home alone. It is only for three days, not the whole summer holidays.
If you really don't want to, could she go and stay with grandparents for a couple of days? Or ask if she could go to friends for each of the days, and you have said friends back for the day on another occasion? Or could you take at least a day off work?
My DD wouldn't have wanted to go anywhere near a holiday club once she went to secondary school, unless it was one aimed specifically at that age and with no primary aged children there.

Sorry OP but she's far too old for holiday club - she's right - she'll be the oldest one there and she's probably absolutely mortified at being made to attend - poor thing!

I was home alone through the school holidays from the age of 12. My parents were married but took a week each of annual leave to be with me. The rest of the time I was at home or out with friends. This was 2003-ish so not that long ago.

Absolutely nothing wrong with leaving a 13 year old home alone during the summer break.

Rather than holiday clubs, I used to do activity like rock climbing/kayaking at that sort of age. I used to walk myself there and back - it was more for entertainment than childcare - perhaps you could look into something like that?

There are no holiday clubs in my area that take children over 11 so year 7 upwards

She's old enough to stay home alone, he's right

@sweeneytoddsrazor
It seems unfair to take his new family away and not his DD if he can’t afford it he should do something cheaper which includes her.

Of course she's old enough at 13! I loved having the house to myself at that age.

Leaving a 13 year old alone all day:

• For a couple of days - totally fine
• All holiday - no

Anyway what is so bad about ‘holiday clubs’. I bloody loved going on PGL holidays in my teens, and going to ‘holiday clubs’ like band camp and art weeks.