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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to give this woman a Look and a Word?

146 replies

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 01/07/2019 18:37

Yesterday, DW, DD and DGS (22mo) were in the supermarket when DGS wandered off. They began searching in a mad panic, and DD asked another shopper if she'd seen a little boy dressed in xxxx. This woman looked her up and down, sniffed and said "Young mothers! Huh!" DD, frightened and on the verge of tears told her to fuck off if she wasn't going to help. Now, judging DD is not the question. The question is: would I have been justified in asking this...person what her problem was, and would she like a bigger one?

He was found a minute later. Luckily someone who wasn't up their own arse had realised he'd bolted, and was chatting to him.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 01/07/2019 19:47

Let's be fair to daughter, she was extremely stressed and anxious and the woman made a stupid, unhelpful remark.

Fatasfooook · 01/07/2019 19:51

Urgh she sounds horrible! I was in a M&S food with my youngest in their buggy and as I passed a woman she turned to look at me and I smiled and she clutched her bag to herself as if I was going to steal it and looked in fear at my baby! Total weirdo. There’s some nasty freaks out there

CrazyToast · 01/07/2019 19:51

DD not unreasonable to react like that when afraid.

YANBU to feel like you want to react in that way. Probably not a good idea to actually do it, but we all feel like doing things we would never do.

Lilyannarose · 01/07/2019 19:52

It's a horrible situation for any parent to find themselves in.
If anyone made a remark like that, there is no knowing what I would say to them in that stomach churning moment!
Anything rational just goes out of the window when your child is missing.

IhateBoswell · 01/07/2019 19:54

I can't see it ever looking good to be honest, a man asking a woman what her problem is, and if she wanted a bigger one. Bullying at the very least.

Soubriquet · 01/07/2019 19:54

I don’t blame your dd

My ds went missing around Christmas time in a shopping centre

I was a sobbing wreck yet people flooded around me eager to help

I was so touched. He was found at the other end of the centre 10 mins later

We think someone had tried to walk off with him but got spooked by the amount of people who were helping

If anyone started on me with “young mothers” implying I was irresponsible, I would have lost it too

In the heat of the moment, and panic, you don’t really think. You react

InsertFunnyUsername · 01/07/2019 19:57

In that situation, you would have to have the patience of a saint not to reply fuck off so YANBU.

The thought of losing my DD in a crowded place sends me cold, to then have someone say that, i think i would have said a lot worse.

Soubriquet · 01/07/2019 19:58

Ds was 3 at the time

ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 01/07/2019 20:01

This not about what I would have done, but what I felt like doing. Someone decided that rather than help, they would hoick their judgey pants. Had I actually been there, I would have just said "Small boy, blonde, dressed thusly. You head that way. Please". Personal isn't the same as important. Even a muttered excuse would have done.

So you werent there.

Again, you want to give this woman a look. From an incident you didnt see and your daughter handled.

It's all well and good saying 'I would have done xyz' when you werent there at all.

And again what bigger problem were you planning on giving her?

This reads like the OP is in the pub with a load of mates, a bit drunk, bragging about how they could have handled a situation, better than someone else. Starting with 'what I would have done is...marched straight up to them blah blah blah'. And you know they wouldnt in real life.

The woman was rude. I got similar once when I was with my toddler cousin. I just laughed and said....that's my cousin not my son. All done. I was 14.

I find starting this thread to talk about what you would have done if you were there, very odd.

CollaterlyS1sters · 01/07/2019 20:07

Reins haven't been an issue since New Year. Normally he's really good at staying within 6 feet or so. He doesn't pat random dogs, or eat gravel, or lick cars.

What does any of that 'whimsical' bullshit have to do with the fact that he runs off in supermarkets - apparently so fast that neither your wife nor your daughter noticed?

BoreOfWhabylon · 01/07/2019 20:07

YANBU Disgrace

I can't believe it's TWO YEARS since you discovered you were going to be a granddad!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2955799-To-clap-my-hands-and-skip-about-in-a-elephantine-manner

I'm afraid it dropped off my "Threads I'm on', so I missed the most recent updates but he is gorgeous!

BoreOfWhabylon · 01/07/2019 20:08

PS ignore the bitchploppers.

Gatoadigrado · 01/07/2019 20:13

He doesn't pat random dogs, or eat gravel, or lick cars.

Sounds more mature than you OP

IhateBoswell · 01/07/2019 20:13

Bitchploppers Hmm it's a thread in AIBU, it will be answered accordingly.

BoreOfWhabylon · 01/07/2019 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IhateBoswell · 01/07/2019 20:19

How original Smile

OralBElectricToothbrush · 01/07/2019 20:33

The question is: would I have been justified in asking this...person what her problem was, and would she like a bigger one?

Bullying, threatening with physical violence, how big and clever! Like school in the Summer time: no class.

CollaterlyS1sters · 01/07/2019 20:34

OP: "AIBU to post weird violent fantasies with 'quirky' Capitalisation about physically threatening a Woman in a Situation in which I wasn't even Present'?"
Several posters: "YABU"
Incredibly witty spoonerism poster: "Oh!! Silly bitchploppers! OP you're so cool and funny!!! Remember back in the day when you posted another HILAIRE thread that ended up in Classics?"

LauderSyme · 01/07/2019 20:34

Thanks for posting that link BoreOf, and thanks for starting that thread Disgrace, I missed it first time round, and it's a lovely, heartwarming read. I think you could probably have shut down that nasty woman-with-head-in-arse with a lot more grace and harm than your OP here suggests.

Losing sight of your child is awful. Time slows down and literally within seconds you are imagining the absolute worst.

Gatoadigrado · 01/07/2019 20:35

Sad thing is, quite a few posters fell for it and earnestly recounted tales of losing their own kids

derxa · 01/07/2019 20:35

I like Disgrace

LauderSyme · 01/07/2019 20:36

Grace and CHARM! FFS!

bee222 · 01/07/2019 20:39

would I have been justified in asking this...person what her problem was, and would she like a bigger one?

So your solution would have been to threaten this woman? You sound pretty unreasonable and a little aggressive.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 01/07/2019 20:41

Even a muttered excuse would have done.

A ‘muttered excuse’? An excuse for what? Don’t get me wrong, this woman sounds like a snotty cow, but she has nothing to excuse herself for.

GiggleMcDimples · 01/07/2019 20:43

I remember once my then maybe 2 year old 18 months maybe, can't remember exactly. He was a bolter. So I was part wrestling him into the shopping trolley seat, him crying, tantrumming because he didn't want to go in there, when some trumped up old do-gooder, tutted and said "you shouldn't fetch a baby into a supermarket!" So I snarled back at her "what did you want me to do? TIE HIM UP OUTSIDE!?"

Some people think they know how to be perfect parents!

I would've said something too.

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