AIBU to not attend wedding?

[thund3rbolt]

I'm in my 20s. Recently my mum told me very last minute that I have been invited to a very very distant family member's wedding. I have only ever met the bride 3/4 times. My parents have fallen out with many family members which makes social gatherings incredibly awkward as we are often ignored by extended family.

I have carved out my own lovely life (children and husband) and don't feel the need to put myself in uncomfortable situations. My mother is "forcing" me to go and manipulating me emotionally. AIBU to not attend? The wedding is next month.

Don’t go. You’re an adult. Your mother can’t force you to do anything. Just say no.

My mother abused me growing up and is only shows me interest when it benefits her.

Have you told the bride and groom you will attend?

Was the invite sent to your mum? And how long has she sat on it?

My mother was hysterical this morning. It's become a huge existential crisis.

No, I did not RSVP. My mum has been "communicating on my behalf"

She can't force you to do anything.

Just reply 'stop being so stupid. I'm not going. End of.'

Have you told her you’re not going and refuse to discuss it further? She sounds like a nightmare but you don’t have to listen to her.

Don’t go to the wedding and limit contact with your mum.

Tell dm as an adult you can communicate yourself.
Something like fuck off should do it just fine...
*To dm not bride.

Reply directly to the Bride and Groom and apologise that you won't be able to attend. At this stage you are either making up numbers or costing them for food so give as much notice as possible.

She cannot physically force you to do anything, OP.

Just don't go. What's the worst that will happen? Your mother having hysterics? So let her have hysterics.

It’s not that last minute if it’s a month away. Did she get an invite that included you? Is she wanting you to go with her? Why does she want to go?
You’re an adult and should have received your own invitation. And as an adult you can say no, to your mother and the invite.

Reply direct to say unfortunately you cannot attend but you hope they have a lovely day etc etc etc. Do it asap because of food payments etc.

Ignore your mother.

My mum says she is going to cut contact if I don't attend.

I would expect a bit more notice than one month.

If they didn’t send the invite directly to you or you haven’t seen it with your own eyes, are you just taking your mother’s word for it, that you’ve been invited?

Don't let anyone communicate on your behalf. Contact the couple yourself, tell them you can't attend but hope they have a fantastic day.

Ignore your mother, you are an adult.

@CherryPavIova win win then? You don't go and she stops talking to you. Is there a bad angle to this?

My mum says she is going to cut contact if I don't attend.
Job done!

My mum says she is going to cut contact if I don't attend.

Considering how she treats you, that would be a blessing. She’s still abusing you, OP. Just imagine getting out of this toxic relationship and being free from the bullying and manipulation. Just tell her that it’s her choice, but you’re not going. Set an example to your children, so they know that they don’t have to accept abusive relationships in their lives.

^^ exactly

aside from the wedding issue - your username is going to cause issues as it appears identical to @cherrypavlova - except yours has a capital I instead of an l - which is only apparent when you hover over your name.

As above, decline directly.

Don't be afraid to distance yourself from your mother.

There's no reason to want contact with someone who would cut it because you don't attend the wedding of an obscure distant family member.