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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I complain about my grocery delivery?

132 replies

Sultanainasalad · 30/06/2019 14:08

I had my groceries delivered this morning. The driver (1st time this driver delivered to me) brought it into the kitchen for me. We were chatting about having young kids and how hard it is.

He was friendly and was chatting longer than usual, maybe 10 mins. By the end I was trying to get a natural break in the conversation to move him along. I sensed he was getting a bit flirty, even though I was in shattered Sunday morning mode.

I found the flirty bit annoying as I don't want weird men in my house, I just wanted my groceries but then an hour later he whatsapped me, saying 'it was nice to talk to you this morning' (I'm not going to reply to the creep).

AIBU to be annoyed by that and want to complain about it?

Am I also AIBU to be wary of complaining as he knows my address and phone number?

OP posts:
Elderflower14 · 30/06/2019 17:06

I would complain. It would be awful if he did to somebody else and really scared them...

Innersmellbow · 30/06/2019 17:07

Let's not think up 100 excuses of why he might have overstepped the mark.

Knowing why doesn't change a thing.

It was inappropriate.

OP has the right to decide whether she tells his employer about this behaviour and if she chooses not to perhaps the next person will.

It's important to make the world a less confusing place for our daughters.

Flowers for you OP for being subject to confusing unwanted behaviour. You were not at fault.

Opossooom · 30/06/2019 17:09

A take away delivery guy who delivered for a very well known ‘take away’ company did this to me. As well as then facebooked me and added me as well as sending me messages after I blocked him.. This guy I didn’t even converse with. I got my Chinese and ran to eat it. He was about my age and wasn’t a bad looking guy to be fair but by Jove NOPE

PepsiLola · 30/06/2019 17:19

I'd report because he knows your address and number... which would scare me

GnomeDePlume · 30/06/2019 17:21

Report him. If he is new/hasnt had a string of complaints then most probably he will just get a warning. If he has had warnings then he may lose his job. So what? He will get replaced and hopefully by somebody who understands the rules they are supposed to work by.

Nautiloid · 30/06/2019 17:23

I would complain. He used your personal details which were provided for a professional purpose to contact you.

EmilyBishopmyconfession · 30/06/2019 17:40

Personally I wouldn't report- at least not as things stand at the moment- just make it crystal clear that you're not interested. I'd only report him if he kept contacting me after that.

Chances are he's just socially inept rather than some dangerous predator.

Sparklesocks · 30/06/2019 17:44

Drivers are given customers phone numbers in case there is a problem with delivery/finding addresses. He didn’t have to search for it. He already had it.

Yep, he had it to contact the customer in case he was delayed or there was an issue. It’s not at all the same thing to then use that information to contact and chat women up for non work reasons.

Are we really turning into a terrified society where we can’t follow our natural social instincts?
Be careful what you wish for

You’re absolutely right, because I believe that staff with customer info shouldn’t abuse it (the same line as the companies, FYI) I also believe we should become an 1984 style society with no freedoms. There’s zero difference between those things, thank you for pointing it out.

Graphista · 30/06/2019 17:54

This subject has come up on mn before and even news articles.

He isn't allowed to use your number for contacting you except where it's directly necessary for him to do his job.

And that was the case before the GDPR rules tightened everything up.

It's unprofessional, inappropriate and has made you feel vulnerable even threatened.

There was a spate of this type of thing happening and supermarkets were pressured to improve their background checks on delivery drivers as some dodgy types were getting through their inadequate recruitment processes.

Unfortunately still occasionally happens.

It's unacceptable and shows that people like him are patently unsuited to the job.

I'd complain, not least to ensure he's not sent to your address again by them.

"Are they explicitly told though?" Yes they are, 2 of my friends husbands do this job one has worked for 2 different companies so 3 companies in all and they all made it very clear that customers contact info/data is only to be used to carry out the job.

Quite honestly you'd have to live under a rock to not know rules on data use these days and companies have an obligation to make sure employees know this.

My dd also works in a job where she has customers phone numbers, email addresses etc and it's proper drummed into them right at the beginning of training.

@FriarTuck
"Don't get me wrong, I think firms should be explicit that using customers' details for non-work purposes is a disciplinary offence" it's not just against their contracted terms it is ILLEGAL. This is made very clear to them. Even if it wasn't anyone with decent respectful boundaries would know better anyway!

"we would want to know, because it's bad for our business and we dont want someone working for us who over steps boundaries and makes people feel uncomfortable." Exactly! Reflects very badly on the company and loses them custom (which is what really pisses them off)

And yes it needs to be specifically about that driver because otherwise he can carry on having that job and treating customers inappropriately. They can't get rid of him if there isn't a specific complaint.

And yes the apologism and desperate excusing of such behaviour on this thread is disgusting - those of you that did this "we're you flirty" etc

YOU are contributing to rape culture!

"and they are always being egged on to find a way to contact him, this is just the same thing really"
It's really NOT!

"and being “scared” he knows where the op lives over one WhatsApp message is unnecessary." Oh you think so?

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/news/crime/supermarket-home-delivery-driver-who-sexually-assaulted-leeds-pensioners-is-jailed-1-8965926/amp

As I said earlier, there have been real problems with this type of creep. Mainly harassment but the potential for worse means that their employers need to be very careful who they employ and how they are trained.

"Please don't complain. He has young kids and needs the money." Oh ffs it gets worse!!

In which case HE shouldn't be jeopardising HIS job with HIS inappropriate and ILLEGAL behaviour!!

"When I first read your opening post I thought it wasn't a big deal, especially if you were both single" completely irrelevant! Single women don't deserve such harassment either!

BigRedLondonBus · 30/06/2019 18:01

You’re just scaremongering now, should we be scared of all delivery drivers then just because one sexually assaulted someone? The man has been inappropriate but there is nothing to suggest he is a danger to anyone, he misread the signs and took a chance, that is all.

SingingLily · 30/06/2019 18:02

And unnerved the OP in her own home. And breached the terms of his employment.

And broke the law.

FGS

User18947268 · 30/06/2019 18:05

I would report. I had this with a yodel delivery driver, we had lots of garden deliveries so he was here often. Weeks after the last delivery I got a Facebook message from him saying he was no longer working in the area and offered services of his van. Might have been innocent but the fact he searched my name on Facebook stepped way over the line. I didn't reply, and blocked him and decided not to complain. Weeks later guess who turns up to deliver something. I felt so uncomfortable. I don't order if I know it'll be yodel now and try to book deliveries for when my husband's home. If he makes you feel uncomfortable definitely complain otherwise he could deliver to you again.

Sultanainasalad · 30/06/2019 18:15

Thanks everyone for your replies. I called the company earlier, they seemed to take it seriously and will get someone more senior to call me back about it tomorrow.

I have had food delivered for years and have never had a problem. It's annoying now as my husband says I shouldn't get them to bring it into the kitchen. It's a small house, so not a big distance for them, or I to travel I suppose, but I usually order it for a dinner time when both kids are in chairs eating and I can deal with it. Now I have to change my system because of one creepy guy.

I know I wasn't flirting, (not that it matters in these cases at all, but I was so tired after 4 nights in hospital this week with an 18 month old who had 4 seizures last Saturday, it would never even have occured to me that this would be a flirting scenario, it was more harrased mother is friendly to an adult) but I am a friendly person who makes small talk, but now I will be more wary with delivery men, when my overall experience has been very positive.

Hopefully this will be the end this experience, but women have to put up with so much if this type of thing. If I'm friendly he might think I'm flirting, if i complain he knows there I live, etc. The power imbalance is so frustrating.

OP posts:
CharityConundrum · 30/06/2019 18:34

Well done OP - you have done the right thing. He may well be completely harmless, but he needs to be told, specifically, that what he did was wrong, inappropriate and absolutely unacceptable. And if he's not harmless, then he knows his cards are marked and hopefully he will stop this unwanted behaviour.

I would ignore it ,however if it happens again then most certainly report ASAP. Can you change to a different supermarket at all just for a few weeks make sure he gets the message .

Are you genuinely suggesting that the OP should completely change her shopping habits (presumably to something less convenient seeing as she was happy with her current arrangement until this idiot massively overstepped the mark) to give some oblique 'message' and hope that it's received by someone who is already so socially stunted that they don't understand where professional boundaries cross into personal harrassment?

So he did the wrong (illegal!) thing, and the OP has to risk him doing it again or waste her time setting up a new shopping account and finding equivalents to her regular shopping to save him from the consequences of his illegal actions?! No wonder the patriarchy is thriving!

SingingLily · 30/06/2019 18:49

Well done, Sultanainasalad. This has been an upsetting day for you but hopefully, you can start to put it behind you soon. You did the right thing; please have absolutely no doubt about that.

GnomeDePlume · 30/06/2019 19:03

Well done for reporting.

DH was a home delivery driver, said the instructions about whether or not drivers should carry shopping in was often contradictory and would also change frequently. He did wonder at a driver hanging around chatting for 10 minutes as that would be odd even if motives were innocent.

Tingface · 30/06/2019 19:09

Maybe have it delivered at a time your husband will be home for the next few weeks if that makes you feel easier? Then he can unpack it too Grin

Well done for complaining. I would request that driver not be sent to you again.

ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 30/06/2019 19:09

Why shouldnt you let them in?

That's part of their job. You should be able to let them without being chatted up.

All the supermarkets train their drivers in GDPR and how to handle customers in a professional but friendly manner.

You shoildnt have to change your routine, because of this one man. He wont be back. Most people doing that job are not interested in chatting customers up. They are more bothered about doing their work and getting finished.

It's odd, because when I worked for british gas we had far more engineers (male and female) complaining about customers (male and female) acting inappropriately (and us having to flag it on the system) than we did from customers.

Sultanainasalad · 30/06/2019 19:20

Despite my husband's annoyance I am still going to let deliverers in as it works for me, and I know from experience that most just want to get out and on with their job. I will keep small talk to bare minimum, and when my complaint is followed up tomorrow I will ask for him not to come again.

It is unsettling to think that if he did loose his job, he would know it's down to me.

OP posts:
ProteinshakesandAntonsbum · 30/06/2019 19:22

It is unsettling to think that if he did loose his job, he would know it's down to me.

I would mention that to the senior member of staff who is calling you back.

But also, you are unlikely to be the only person he has done it too. I bet he womt have a clue which woman complained.

saffy1234 · 30/06/2019 19:41

Hi
I have had this happen to me,with a minibus driver who took my family and my friends family to our holiday home and back one year.He contacted me on my mobile and sent me a suggestive text followed by a lewd picture.I immediately told his boss.Way over the line!

Innersmellbow · 30/06/2019 19:41

It is unsettling to think that if he did loose his job, he would know it's down to me.

It's all to do with him and his inappropriate behaviour.

Nothing to do with you at all. He's probably like this with everyone.

saffy1234 · 30/06/2019 19:41

No @Sultanainasalad it would be down to him and his totally inappropriate behaviour

Graphista · 30/06/2019 19:56

Well done for complaining.

It is NOT your fault if he loses HIS job because of HIS actions. That's on HIM.

So don't even entertain feeling guilty.

Loveislandaddict · 30/06/2019 20:07

Well done for complaining.

If he looses his job, it’s due to his actions, not yours. Also, if he has abused his position with you, then he will have probably done it with other women.

You’ve done the right thing, and i’d Like to thank you for doing so. More people need to report inappropriate men.

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