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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU DH hasnt come home....

90 replies

Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 04:16

im annoyed writing this and had to rant to someone as im apparently BU so ita 4.10am on suanday morning DH went out with mates at 5.15pm Saturday afternoon hes still isn't home. ive been to sleep and woken up no where to be seen. rang him tiwce no answer text him no answer before anyone says I have really bad aniexty and this started to panic me he finally picks up and hes gone back to his mats house (please bare in mind hes 35 and we have 2 children) none of his friends have a family. So asked him if he was coming home his reply was yeah some point. now we have been planning a outing for the past few weeks and it was his idea to go and I said take it ive got to cancel today his reply is yeah you best. our daughter hasn't shut up about this all week yeah we could go without him but its pointless as it was meant to be for fathers day. so I got arsey on the phone at him cos this happened before and he never let me know. now his excuse is they are going travelling I wont see them for a while. so am I BU to be peed off at him? or not? think im more peed off as he didn't let me know

OP posts:
AyBeeCee10 · 30/06/2019 04:46

Yanbu I would be furious if my dh did this. He isnt a single man without a family.

RebootYourEngine · 30/06/2019 04:51

I would be annoyed. He should have messaged and said that he was staying at a mates. I know he is an adult but what if he had been in an accident.

RebootYourEngine · 30/06/2019 04:54

I would be telling DD that you had to cancel because of her dad. Or actually I would probably just go anyway. If it was something that you and dd want to do. Make sure you take lots of photos and get DD to tell him.how wonderful it was. He might start feeling a little guilty.

Ponoka7 · 30/06/2019 04:55

I think if you ended it with him you'd find that your anxiety would improve.

Tell him to go travelling and not to come back.

Put yourself in your child's place and ask yourself if she deserves this treatment, if you struggle to do the same for yourself.

Still do something with her. If you can, stick to the plans.

GPatz · 30/06/2019 04:56

Don't let your daughter down because of his behaviour. Take her by yourself unless she would rather wait for her father to be part of it

Ponoka7 · 30/06/2019 04:56

"I would be telling DD that you had to cancel because of her dad."

But if you stay with him, you're conditioning her to accept this behaviour.

Abibranning · 30/06/2019 05:02

Do not bring your DD into the argument, you are there to protect her, she will find out what he's like when she's older. Go on the trip without him of do something fun for the 2 of you.

QueenofPain · 30/06/2019 05:06

Taking your child out for her planned day out isn’t “pointless” because it was for Father’s Day. She will still have a great day out.

He sounds like a dickhead.

TheSerenDipitY · 30/06/2019 05:14

text him back and say its all good , ill take our daughter on the outing,and ill leave your shit packed on the door step, pick it up before you go traveling and then dont ever come back you inconsiderate bastard... then turn off your phone and go out on your outing

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 30/06/2019 05:19

My husband is well aware if we have plans and he goes out until stupid o’clock, those plans still happen unless the others involved equally don’t want to. He’s been to many an event, day out and shopping whilst regretting his day before choices - funnily enough he does sometimes reconsider a bender before a long day out.,.

Take your children, rope in a friend if you can or a grandparent and enjoy the day out.

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/06/2019 05:20

YANBU at all, he sounds like a dick!

Original poster
Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 05:21

so glad im not BU he still isn't home and I got pissed on the phone. so when my kids wake up I will tell them we wont be going because of him plus they wouldn't go without him. so pissed off at him and still cant believe he isn't home. He should have sent me a message to say he wasn't coming home but no he is a selfish prick and will turn this all around like its my fault... really starting to think twice about his now at this moment in time I don't care that we have been together 15years im not taking this

OP posts:
Original poster
Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 05:23

the thing is I bet he will ask my why I am annoyed and laugh about it

OP posts:
Brandyb · 30/06/2019 05:29

You need to give this cretin a wake up call... Fine to go out late if it's prearranged, but the night before a family day out on a whim is rubbish! Give him what for - after you've gone on your day out. If he ain't fixing it you should consider serious change in your household

Sofasurfingsally · 30/06/2019 05:51

the thing is I bet he will ask my why I am annoyed and laugh about it

That is called minimising, is it? It means that he is saying that you and the children's feelings don't matter.

UrsulaPandress · 30/06/2019 05:51

Travelling where to?

BitOfFun · 30/06/2019 05:52

It's unacceptable whatever. I'd also be suspicious that he might be shagging someone else or taking coke.

username6778 · 30/06/2019 05:58

I would still go ahead with your plans I think it's unfair on your DC to cancel. If they don't want to go because their father isn't coming. Then they can blame him (quite rightly) for ruining their plans.

Ponoka7 · 30/06/2019 06:01

If you tell your children the truth and then stay with him, ypu are telling them that they are unimportant to the pair of you.

Your teaching them to accect bad behaviour.

Lllot5 · 30/06/2019 06:06

I’d go out without him. You need to wait until he’s sober or not hungover then have it out with him. Going out and staying out with mates is one thing spoiling the next day’s plans is not on.

Sexnotgender · 30/06/2019 06:10

Can you take your kids to the day out on your own?

And YANBU. He should have had the courtesy to let you know what was going on. And as for letting your kids down because he’d rather get smashed and hang out with his mates? He’s just a shit human being.

confusednorthner · 30/06/2019 06:14

Don't tell the children it's his fault they aren't going, it's not fair and I don't think they'll really understand. I'd go anyway on your day out and have a great time, then reconsider what you are doing with him.

Dualmum · 30/06/2019 06:17

If my husband did some shit like that I would tell him not to bother coming home and that he can stay at his mates. He's got a family, he's not a single lad who should be doing stuff like that anymore.

Rosielily · 30/06/2019 06:19

Just go and enjoy the day. Sounds as though it'll be more fun without him anyway.

Where is he going "travelling"?

What's his behaviour like generally?

Saracen · 30/06/2019 06:20

You expect him to laugh about it? He is letting his kids down over an outing which they have been looking forward to all week, not to mention the fact that you couldn't sleep well because he didn't tell you he wasn't coming home.

I might well forgive my partner for something like this, if it was a rare occurrence and he was genuinely sorry. But you say you don't even expect him to be sorry. That is not on.

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