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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU DH hasnt come home....

90 replies

Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 04:16

im annoyed writing this and had to rant to someone as im apparently BU so ita 4.10am on suanday morning DH went out with mates at 5.15pm Saturday afternoon hes still isn't home. ive been to sleep and woken up no where to be seen. rang him tiwce no answer text him no answer before anyone says I have really bad aniexty and this started to panic me he finally picks up and hes gone back to his mats house (please bare in mind hes 35 and we have 2 children) none of his friends have a family. So asked him if he was coming home his reply was yeah some point. now we have been planning a outing for the past few weeks and it was his idea to go and I said take it ive got to cancel today his reply is yeah you best. our daughter hasn't shut up about this all week yeah we could go without him but its pointless as it was meant to be for fathers day. so I got arsey on the phone at him cos this happened before and he never let me know. now his excuse is they are going travelling I wont see them for a while. so am I BU to be peed off at him? or not? think im more peed off as he didn't let me know

OP posts:
TapasForTwo · 30/06/2019 08:58

It seems like it doesn't it bingbong

DH and I have never ever dome that to each other. It is massively disrespectful. If people want to behave like they are single they shouldn't get married in the first place.

Original poster
Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 09:24

His behaviour is usually fine. I don't know what to think. Feel like I'm going bat shit crazy I trust him but something just isn't sitting right with me I doubt he is cheating he isn't the type usually but I do feel like he is lieing about something I'm off out now with the kids before i slowly lose my mind

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 30/06/2019 17:17

Hope you've had a nice day with the kids. I think there's something you don't know about last night. Have you thought of messaging the mates......

newmomof1 · 01/07/2019 06:10

@Northernlurker she may as well just apply for the divorce now 🙄 men are allowed to crash at a friends after a big night out without shagging another woman fgs. Why is everyone always so quick to assume he's a cheat?

Magicmonster · 01/07/2019 06:27

How is he today OP? Very apologetic I hope?!

Mummadeeze · 01/07/2019 06:36

Poor you. This has happened to me so many times. I always take my daughter and try to have a lovely time without him. As a result, we have an amazing relationship and have had so many fun memories we have created together. He is the one missing out. But it hurts and is disappointing every time. I am going to leave my partner at some point soon as I know I deserve better. Not advising you to do the same, but just want to say I know how shit it feels. Hope he was sorry at least. My partner doesn’t care.

NoSauce · 01/07/2019 06:38

I swear there's one of these 'AIBU, DH hasn't come home' threads every week now

Yes and there’s always a trip out planned the day after which doesn’t transpire!

Cherrysoup · 01/07/2019 07:03

He contacts you every hour when you're out? Hmm, that needs to stop. I'd definitely give him tit for tat, organise an evening out but don't tell him you're staying out overnight.

tomatostottie · 01/07/2019 08:41

My ex was like this.
It's awful for the person at home, not knowing when the 'D'P is coming home and whether the plans for the next day are likely to happen. My ex always did this before a holiday - went on a massive bender and would show up at 5 or 6 in the morning drunk when we were supposed to be driving somewhere at 9 or 10 am. It meant he wasn't able to drive either - leaving all the driving to me - which was often 5 or 6 hours.

I think people should be more considerate of their partners. It's fair enough that occasionally someone needs to crash at a friend's due to too much drink or that the night went on longer than expected but they should let their partner know what is happening so that the partner can relax. I don't think it should get to the stage where the partner has to ring up a few times in the middle of the night to find out if the drunk person is ok or coming home.

The OP's DH went out at 5.15 pm and there was no sign of him until 7 the next morning, though she did speak to him on the phone. I think that shows disrespect from his side.

As I said, my ex did this all the time. That's a large part of why he is an ex. It became completely exhausting in the end and he was not prepared to make the minor change to his behaviour that I asked him to - which was to let me know if the night was going to go on a lot longer than expected.

tomatostottie · 01/07/2019 08:42

Oh and just to add, ex could go missing for hours on end without contacting me but if I was half an hour late home from anywhere he'd be phoning me every 5 minutes.

gamerchick · 01/07/2019 08:49

really starting to think twice about his now at this moment in time I don't care that we have been together 15years im not taking this

Yes you will, you'll take it like you always have and will swallow it with a smile on your face like you always have.

happyhillock · 01/07/2019 09:01

If my DP had been out all night and said he was at his mates and would be home at some point i'd be telling him to stay there, he's not a free agent he's a married family man, wonder what he'd say if you stayed out all night? Take the kid's out don't let that selfish git spoil your day

notapizzaeater · 01/07/2019 09:17

I hope you and the kids had a good day without him. Have you spoken to him yet ?

MQv2 · 01/07/2019 09:40

"I swear there's one of these 'AIBU, DH hasn't come home' threads every week now"

There was one a couple weeks back where it was the wife who stayed out.
It turned out to be a troll/poster trying to prove a point but the responses were very different to this thread. 😂😂😂

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