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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU DH hasnt come home....

90 replies

Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 04:16

im annoyed writing this and had to rant to someone as im apparently BU so ita 4.10am on suanday morning DH went out with mates at 5.15pm Saturday afternoon hes still isn't home. ive been to sleep and woken up no where to be seen. rang him tiwce no answer text him no answer before anyone says I have really bad aniexty and this started to panic me he finally picks up and hes gone back to his mats house (please bare in mind hes 35 and we have 2 children) none of his friends have a family. So asked him if he was coming home his reply was yeah some point. now we have been planning a outing for the past few weeks and it was his idea to go and I said take it ive got to cancel today his reply is yeah you best. our daughter hasn't shut up about this all week yeah we could go without him but its pointless as it was meant to be for fathers day. so I got arsey on the phone at him cos this happened before and he never let me know. now his excuse is they are going travelling I wont see them for a while. so am I BU to be peed off at him? or not? think im more peed off as he didn't let me know

OP posts:
TapasForTwo · 30/06/2019 06:29

Go out without him. Don't make yourself a martyr to his shitty and completely unacceptable behaviour.

He is behaving like a single man. You say he has done this before. He is immature and selfish.

newmomof1 · 30/06/2019 06:30

YABU to be shitty with him for not being home at 1:30
YANBU to ask when he's coming home or be pissed that he's ruined a family day

YWDBU to tell your children that you're not going out today and it's all his fault. Don't bring them into your shit.

LemonadePockets · 30/06/2019 06:31

I wouldn’t meg the kids miss out because of him regardless of why it was booked... get out and enjoy your enjoy day. If you sit in with him you’ll be stewing and end up having a riot.

Cuppa12345 · 30/06/2019 06:35

He isn't going traveling, his friends are and that's the reason he gave for staying out 'I'll not see them for ages'..

Go without him and I'd be deciding whether his response when he comes back is enough for me to give him a second chance.

tomatostottie · 30/06/2019 06:36

now his excuse is they are going travelling I wont see them for a while.

What does this mean? Where is he going travelling? When is he going? Today?

I'd go on the trip without him.

yearinyearout · 30/06/2019 06:39

I assumeOP means his mates are going travelling so he wants to spend time with them before they go

LL83 · 30/06/2019 06:40

Take the kids out on your own. It's not their fault, they may prefer dad to come but going without him is better than not at all

Also how often does dh go out? If it is not often I would not have organised day out for him when he will.be hungover. If he is out every weekend that is different.

However he is being selfish and very unreasonable. For me how angry I am would depend on if this is usual or unusual behaviour.

Morgan12 · 30/06/2019 06:41

His mates are going travelling not him. So he won't see them for a while.

Take the kids out that is so unfair to cancel the day because of him! If they won't do the planned day ask them what else they would like to do and do that.

Does he take cocaine? That's a good 12 hours of drinking he has done.

YouJustDoYou · 30/06/2019 06:44

He sounds like an immature, rude, pathetic twat, who doesn't care about his child. Don't cancel the day - I've just ploughed on ahead regardless before when dh has cancelled on us. It's not fair on the kids just because the dad is a fucking selfish twat. Fuck him - go out, have fun without him (and maybe he'll see he's not actually needed anyway).

PonderingPanda · 30/06/2019 06:49

What a complete tosser

Fcukthisshit · 30/06/2019 06:51

Why would you take it out on your kids because your DH is being a dickhead?? I’d be pissed off with him too but that’s really mean of you to not take the kids out and tell them it’s his fault.

It’s his fault that he won’t be part of it, but if they don’t get to go out, That will be down to you.

SunshineCake · 30/06/2019 06:51

Go on the day out. You might think the kids won't go without him but a day out or a day stuck in with an angry mum isn't a difficult choice. You can always leave if they really can't cope with their dad.Hmm.

Original poster
Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 06:55

I should add he's not travelling his mates are going travelling for a year.

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 30/06/2019 07:00

@Morgan12 can you really not manage 12 hours of drinking without drugs?

Abillity2019 · 30/06/2019 07:01

Is this the bloke who wanted to go travelling with them for 6 months then revised it down to a couple of weeks?

adaline · 30/06/2019 07:03

Cancelling on your kids is mean - please don't drag them into your row Sad

But I have to question the wisdom of planning a family day out the morning after his send off for his friends. Whose idea was it to go out today?

Alwaysgrey · 30/06/2019 07:03

I’d still take the kids out for the day. Chances are he won’t pitch up at a decent time anyway and you’ll be left in the house seething. What a selfish prick.

Littlefrog99 · 30/06/2019 07:08

DP did this to me once. We had 1dc at the time and I was pregnant. He insisted that he would be home early and to order a takeaway for us for when he got in. We were taking DS out the next day as DP had been so busy working and we'd had no family time in weeks. When he didn't come home I rang him, he hung up on me and turned his phone off. I will say that this behaviour was completely alien, he had never been disrespectful to me before so it came as a complete shock.

I packed his bag, left it on the front and locked the doors so he couldn't get in when he finally came home at 7.30am. He knew better than to make a scene in front of DS so took his bag and went off to his mums (who also told him how disappointed she was in him). I didn't speak to him for 3 days and it was a week before I agreed for him to come home. Don't tolerate that kind of shitty behaviour OP. If you accept it once he'll do it again.

Morgan12 · 30/06/2019 07:11

God no I could never drink for 12 hours straight. I'd be completely hammered. But I don't take drugs so I'd have been in bed long ago.

Sadly the only people I know who do drink like this also do take drugs yes.

ScotsinOz · 30/06/2019 07:12

My husband did this several years ago. I woke up to find him not home yet, so text him to ask what time he was coming in and reminding he we needed to leave at 8am in the morning and he said he would be home soon. I didn’t get upset or demand he come home, just reminded him we needed to leave early and I’d see him when he got in.

He rolled in about 4am completely drunk (not an issue). I then let the children wake him up at 7:20am to get ready to go (bounce, bounce, excited calls of “Daddy”). He (very) reluctantly got up, showered, dressed (and was sick) and came on the day out. He was sick as a dog all day, but that didn’t stop the children making him go on rides . The highlight of my day was when he took one look at the waltzers and threw up!! We had a great day (him less so), but now he thinks twice about going out too late or drinking too much the night before a planned family day out.

I’ve also been on a big night out before big family days before, but I still got up (feeling sorry for myself) and made the day great for the children.

Don’t cancel it - make him come and enjoy his Father’s Day 😁

Original poster
Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 07:22

he rolled in at about 7am....it was his idea to go out today. I said I would book for next weekend and he was like no we will go this sunday. I haven't spoken to him he came in asked if I was ok I said yes and got up he is now sleeping I will see what he has to say about the whole thing when he wakes up. he has been drug clear for 2 years but this did cross my mind though all his friends are in there late 20s don't have a family I just don't get why he would do this. he did it at Christmas for his work do but came home at 4am (work friends are the same people he went out with last night)
will update when hes awake..
p.s wont drag my kids into this has nothing to do with them and they wont understand anyway

OP posts:
sevenoftwelve · 30/06/2019 07:23

Don't make your children feel shit to make a point. That's as bad as what he's done.

Original poster
Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 07:25

Abillity2019 - no not him

OP posts:
WhenZogateSuperworm · 30/06/2019 07:26

I wouldn’t have an issue with my DH staying at a friends after going out drinking, especially if the friend was someone he wasn’t going to see in a while.

I would have an issue with him not sending a simple text to say he is staying out and will see me in the morning.

I would also have an issue with him letting down my children if he had promised them an activity.

When you are talking to him be very clear about what your issues are. He will say he is an adult and can stay out if he wants. Which he can, but being a parent means being considerate of other people as well.

Theworldcouldbemymollusc · 30/06/2019 07:28

Make sure you still have the day out with your dcs op