Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU DH hasnt come home....

90 replies

Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 04:16

im annoyed writing this and had to rant to someone as im apparently BU so ita 4.10am on suanday morning DH went out with mates at 5.15pm Saturday afternoon hes still isn't home. ive been to sleep and woken up no where to be seen. rang him tiwce no answer text him no answer before anyone says I have really bad aniexty and this started to panic me he finally picks up and hes gone back to his mats house (please bare in mind hes 35 and we have 2 children) none of his friends have a family. So asked him if he was coming home his reply was yeah some point. now we have been planning a outing for the past few weeks and it was his idea to go and I said take it ive got to cancel today his reply is yeah you best. our daughter hasn't shut up about this all week yeah we could go without him but its pointless as it was meant to be for fathers day. so I got arsey on the phone at him cos this happened before and he never let me know. now his excuse is they are going travelling I wont see them for a while. so am I BU to be peed off at him? or not? think im more peed off as he didn't let me know

OP posts:

Whisky2014 · 30/06/2019 07:29

I don't understand why you don't just go out with your kids anyway. That doesn't make sense.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/06/2019 07:34

we will go this sunday

That’s today, right? I think another poster’s approach of pressing on while he has a stinking hangover is the way forward.

rwalker · 30/06/2019 07:36

He won't see his friends for a year and you ring up demanding he goes home and as you say get arsey. BU i'm afraid you ruined the end of his farewell night out with his friends.
You knew he was with his friends wouldn't dream of contacting DW if she did this and she would not contact me.

SleepingSoul · 30/06/2019 07:42

This used to be a regular occurrence with my soon to be ex husband, and a bit part of the "soon to be ex" I came to the conclusion I couldn't police his bedtime but that it was totally reasonable to still expect him to take part in family life. He was regularly missing out on family activities, virtually every wkend.

In your shoes I'd be annoyed for the kids, but still take them out without him. Don't comment on it to them in a way that places blame. By the sound of it that's twice in six months, not a very regular occurrence. Maybe point out in future if he's out on a bit night that might go on he shouldn't commit to plans the next day and be more considerate in letting you know.

HJWT · 30/06/2019 07:46

@Stressedmumoftwo30 go out for the day and take the kettle with you 😁

Original poster

Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 07:52

Not once did I demand he come home I simply phoned him to make sure he was OK and to see where he was. I simply asked him if he was coming home and he said at some point today. I was annoyed at the fact he didn't tell me anything when he promised he would. So don't say I demanded him to come home when I didn't even say that in my post

OP posts:

Whenwhowhat · 30/06/2019 07:53

I don't understand why you don't take the kids out on your own? It's not fair on them when they've been so excited about it.

Whisky2014 · 30/06/2019 07:54

Why aren't you taking the kids out?

Original poster

Stressedmumoftwo30 · 30/06/2019 07:55

Yes I'm more annoyed for my kids than anything. Don't see why he promised them something when he knew he wouldn't go. I understand that his mates are travelling they travelled all year last year and this never happened. If it was the other way around he would have rang me every hour and demanded I come home. He does what he wants when he wants and I don't moan but there should be a line to how much you can take the piss out of someone and makes me feel like I should just put up with this. I've changed plans now and I'm taking to kids swimming and to watch a movie

OP posts:

adaline · 30/06/2019 07:56

I don't think your kids should miss out on what was planned because of their dad - that's really unfair!

PookieDo · 30/06/2019 07:56

I really don’t understand these people usually men who do this. It makes no sense to throw all of the next days plans out due to a night out that goes on till the early hours, and then not tell you so you have to wait up all night worrying

I went out with old friends on Friday night and I could have made a huge all nighter out of it but I have responsibilities and promised my DD I would drive her to work on Saturday so I came home at a sensible time and didn’t drink too much. It’s not rocket science

Shoxfordian · 30/06/2019 07:57

He sounds like a knob. It's really awful of him to let his children down like this as well. Does he do this kind of thing often?

Ihatehashtags · 30/06/2019 08:00

You sure he’s not having an affair? “At a mates house” is a classic excuse

YouJustDoYou · 30/06/2019 08:06

Don't see why he promised them something when he knew he wouldn't go

You don't understand because you're a decent person who wouldn't ever do something like that to children.

Divebar · 30/06/2019 08:08

I think it’s fine to have a big blow out night with your mates.... no problem. What isn’t on is planning it for the night before you have planned to do something else important..... knowing that you’re not likely to make that arrangement or knowing it’s a risk you may not. It’s particularly bad to let your own children down.... that is a massive dick move. So don’t make out the OP is being unreasonable because she called. That being said I don’t think the children should not go somewhere fun today - even if it’s not exactly the same place. Not taking them in order to say “ look you ruined the children’s day” is an unpleasant point scoring exercise. Have fun without him.

JellyBaby666 · 30/06/2019 08:15

Being passive aggressive saying you’re fine when you’re clearly not isn’t helpful adult communication. You’re annoyed he was selfish and didn’t prioritise your family and the plans you had with the kids - say that! Don’t be all ‘I’m fine... sigh’ And go out next weekend, and have fun, and don’t answer your phone every hour! I think you’ve got bigger problems than one night.

daisychain01 · 30/06/2019 08:34

Oh dear, yet another sad story of a man-child who lets his family down because he wants to go out on the lash and expects his wife to pick up the pieces.

OP just go out for the day, don't give him a second thought, and give those DC a lovely time. He will have to explain to his DC why he isn't a person of his word. You shouldn't have to cover for his selfishness.

magneticmumbles · 30/06/2019 08:36

If this were my Dh, I'd tell him I was packing up his belongings and dropping them off at his parents house.

BalthazarImpresario · 30/06/2019 08:39

I spent ages playing the martyr around cancelling plans of he wasn't home /was hungover then realised that it didn't make any difference at all. So now I do whatever is planned regardless.
Don't let your dd miss out, it was good choice to get into a state that meant he missed it, no one forced him.

Whisky2014 · 30/06/2019 08:42

Why did you change the plans?

ComeAndDance · 30/06/2019 08:42

I would NOT orgaise that day again the following weekend.
He had his chance and he blew it. Tough!!

You do need to lok at the whole relationhsip.
He is ringing you every hour when yu are out but thinks its ok o not let you know what he is doing AND make a mess out of a fun day he promised HIS children??
You have been too nice for too long

Furble · 30/06/2019 08:44

I wouldn’t be tolerating him lounging about the house all day snoozing OP. Either he can power through and be a helpful father to his kids and catch up tonight or he can go elsewhere to sleep it off IMO.

There’s nothing wrong with letting your hair down and staying up all night partying but once you have a family it’s not fair to do it at the spur of the moment, you have other people with needs to consider. Imagine if you’d gone AWOL at 5pm yesterday, do you think he’d be fine about it? You need to have a serious talk with him. Do he generally do his share of looking after the kids and the household?

SallyWD · 30/06/2019 08:45

I'd be very annoyed too! I'd cancel the trip and do something lovely with your kids - just the three of you. What do they like? Cinema, trampoline Park? Lunch out? Don't bother with your DH and today as he'll be tired and grumpy but have a special day anyway. I'd tackle the issue with DH once he's over his hangover and I'd let him know it's completely unacceptable.

PepsiLola · 30/06/2019 08:46

Take the kids out! Don't punish them cause of what their dad has done

bingbongnoise · 30/06/2019 08:51

I swear there's one of these 'AIBU, DH hasn't come home' threads every week now!

Flip

1 2 3 4