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A long one... my mum and step dads new will... more £ going to step dads god daughter than me (my mums daughter!)

113 replies

NannyL · 26/07/2007 20:27

My Mum and my step dad are currently making their will:

My step Dad has no children; my mum has my sister and me. But my step Dad has 1 godchild, she is my age, a distant relative, (his aunts grand child I think.)

Anyway my step dad is a very difficult man (he has no contact at all with his father or siblings as they refuse to talk to him) and my mum is very weak and doesn?t like arguing with him over anything.

My mum really thinks that if they die their house should be split 3 ways: between me, my sister and his god daughter.
He thinks (and this is what they will do) that he will leave all his half to his goddaughter, and that my mum can leave her half (i.e. ¼ each) to my sister and I.

I'm REALLY cross cause I think WHY should she get double the amount as me and my sister? (is this really selfish?)

His reasons behind it are: his goddaughter will never inherit anything?. BECAUSE her parents (and grandparents, and her husbands family) have been the type of people who live in council houses and drink and smoke away every penny while living on the dole and doing no work. (I'm not saying that all people who don?t own their own homes are like this (indeed most are not), but her parents (and my step dad and his family etc) ARE ?those type? of people)

And he thinks its unfair on the god daughter that me and my sister will have shares in both of our sets of grandparents estates, and ultimately my father and mother both have large houses which will eventually be left to us as well. (but also my parents and grandparents have had good jobs, are intelligent people and have worked hard to earn their houses!)

Also my mum put (slightly) more than half the value of the house ?in? to the house (Money from divorcing my dad, in my mind it will always be my dads money) Whilst my step dad put in nearly half the value of the house, the reason he had enough money to put in was he was lucky and bought a house that went up in value by a HUGE amount?. Much more so than most other homes which have all gone up loads?.. fair enough, but most of the time he was living in it he was on the dole (or whatever it was called) and income support (or whatever) were paying the interest on the mortgage, so it wasn?t as if he was ?earning? his house going up in value, he was sitting on his bum (living off the state) and was extremely lucky.

I'm feeling REALLY hard done by that my mum cant be bothered to argue with him, and really cross that he wants to give every penny of his half to her. (she doesn?t like arguing with him, leaves that to me )

We (my step dad and I) have NEVER got on, and he has never been nice to me?. My mum went with him while I was 15 years old?. On my 2nd meeting of him ever he told me if I was his daughter id be living in the streets of London and not welcome in his house ? a few months later I was seriously injured in a car accident (was hit at 50mph as a pedestrian and nearly DIED) and neither he nor my mum came to see me for over a week (they don?t ?like? hospitals) and when he did all he did was moan about loosing his camera (bear in mind I had been in intensive care and high dependency and was still very seriously ill)?.

Am I being unreasonable to think that his god daughter should get twice the amount of money to me should they die?

(also I have nothing against the god daughter? she IS a nice ?normal? person, works hard and owns her own house etc, unlike her ancestors )

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 26/07/2007 20:29

YABU - they are not obliged to give you anything. It's their business ultimately. I don't want to know the content of my parents' will and when the sad occasion comes that I need to know it wouldn't bother me if it all went to the NSPCC ( and no I'm not rich at all) I just don't want to profit personally from that sad occasion.


madamez · 26/07/2007 20:31

SOrry but YABU. Unless you are financially dependent on your mum and step dad you're not entitled to anything. He might decide to leave his half to a cat's home or something. It is his half of the estate and it's up to him who he leaves it to.


notasheep · 26/07/2007 20:31

Sorry to sound harsh but if he gets half then its not unfair.
My friend was in same situation-with a Dad and step Mum.The Dad died,and as my friend had 3 sisters it was even less of a portion once divided


EscapeFrom · 26/07/2007 20:32

YOu know what I think?

I think there is nothing like a will to bring out the worst in people.


hotbot · 26/07/2007 20:32

yabu..its is crass to argue about money, esp when it isnt yours.


NannyL · 26/07/2007 20:34

well i didnt excatly want to know. or ask!.. it sort of came up in converstaion a couple of nights ago!

I hope (and doubt that) they will die in the near (or even distant future) anyway of course. (most of our ancestros have lived to be about 100,) but im still bothered that she gets more than me!

maybe i am being selfish?

(shoudl they want to leave the lot to a charity it wouldnt borther me either.... it bothers me that my mum wants it to be slpit 3 ways and doesnt want to argue cause HE doesnt want that!)

If my mum was happy i might be a bit happier but im cross cause its not what she wants either.

OP posts:

dal21 · 26/07/2007 20:35

Sorry but YABU - regardless of how he came about the money - if (nearly) 50% of the estate is his, he is completely entitled to leave it to whomever he wants to.


EscapeFrom · 26/07/2007 20:35


he gets half the estate to do with what he pleases. Sop does your mum. She decides to split hers between two pleopl, he decides to leave his to one.

Really none of your business, and if they are trying to make it your business I would leave the room. It's a horrible subject.


paolosgirl · 26/07/2007 20:37

Of course it's unreasonable. There are 3 'offspring' - although I realise that the god-daughter is not technically his daughter. Why should you all not 'benefit' equally financially?

Let's face it - when a parent dies, it's a terrible, sad affair, but most parents would want their children to benefit in some way. It's one of the few opportunities to pass on something to your children - after the taxman takes his cut.


margoandjerry · 26/07/2007 20:38

I understand where you are coming from. My Dad left my Mum in the 70s, leaving her to bring up three young children on just her income. He has since become quite wealthy. His will splits his assets 50:50 between his three children and my step mother's cousin (who neither of them particularly like).

So we get 1/6th each and she gets 1/2 despite the fact that we gave up our childhoods for his new relationship.

However. What you are really complaining about is your relationship with your step father and the fact that your mother doesn't put up a fight. Same for me.

You can't say anything. It's galling but you are actually reacting to previous hurts and the money is just a symptom of that.

So yes, YABU but as I am in a similar situation Ijust wanted to let you know that I understand.


paolosgirl · 26/07/2007 20:38

Sorry - meant to say NOT unreasonable. I disagree with the other posters here.


NannyL · 26/07/2007 20:38

it sure is a horrible subject

I will be removing my mum from my will to ensure that if i die my money goes straight to my sister (and dad) and my mums share isnt split half between my sister and half between his god daughter.

OP posts:

Twiglett · 26/07/2007 20:39

right now you have nothing

anything over nothing is a boon

it is crass to argue with/complain about people over their wills .. he owns 50% he can do with it what he wishes

you have no rights in this matter

you really need to take a deep breath and be gracious


mm22bys · 26/07/2007 20:39

YABU. It is not any of your business what your step-father has in his will. If you get ANYTHING you should be grateful.

You are sounding a trifle immature about the whole thing...I only could skim-read most of your post because it sounded like something on Jeremy Kyle (or similar...)


bigwombat · 26/07/2007 20:39

At the end of the day, your step-dad did put in nearly half so is entitled to do what he wants with his half of the house. I have no idea what is in my parent's wills and don't want to know. If they left me nothing or left a proportion to a distant relative, I would be surprised but I wouldn't question it if it was their wish.


notasheep · 26/07/2007 20:40

Your Mums share then will be her own to do what she wants with!


NannyL · 26/07/2007 20:40

thanks margo and jerry and i think you are right paolos girl...

the issue is i dont like my step dad, he doesnt like me and now IMO hes proving it!

OP posts:

paolosgirl · 26/07/2007 20:42

It's not the step-father's will - it's THEIR will. If her mother is being steam-rollered into giving her daughters less than she would otherwise like, then that's wrong.


UCM · 26/07/2007 20:42

I think you shouldn't worry about this will. They are not dead yet, either of them and to concern yourself with what will happed once a person dies is a bit mercenary.

I know its hard, but you are lucky to have a Mum, I know that their are lots of us on here whose Mothers have passed away already.

I would concentrate on making your relationship with you Mum as great as it can be and advise her to spend all of her money on whatever makes her happy.


NannyL · 26/07/2007 20:42

bigwombat... if it was my mums wish i wouldnt be so bothered tbh!

(Oh and I agree we would get high viewing rates on a jeremy kyle programme)

OP posts:

dal21 · 26/07/2007 20:43

You are going to remove your mum from the will over this? One of the posters on here was correct, wills do not nice people make!


windyweather · 26/07/2007 20:45

personally, I'd let them stick their money (were the sun dont shine).


edam · 26/07/2007 20:46

I think the 'it's their money, you shouldn't expect anything' brigade a probably morally right and very grown-up. But I agree with you, it's very unfair that children get less when a step-parent enters the equation. There are three beneficiaries here, why should one of them get twice what the others do?


Chirpygirl · 26/07/2007 20:47

YABVU, it is their money, you are not entitled to anything and your post comes acroos as a bit ungrateful TBH.

Just so you know, I am kind of in the same position, my mum has made it clear that in her will my brother is to be bought a house and made independant, and we (me and my numerous sisters) get a split of the rest as we all own our own homes and he doesn't yet.

I may not like it, and my brother may come out 'best' but it's my mum's decision and I have no right to argue with that.


lalaa · 26/07/2007 20:48

What's YABU? Not in acronym list.

In similar situation. Agree with poster that you are reacting to your relationship problems with mum and step-father. I did too. Then I got over it - there's nothing you can do, it's their money and they can do what they like with it. It actually does make sense when you think about it rationally. It just feels rubbish when you're on the end of it: another crappy thing to deal with when your the child of divorced parents.

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