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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report to social services *possibly triggering*

101 replies

Predicter · 27/06/2019 22:49

Or a midwife?! NC’d because i’ve spoken to a few people IRL about this.

Woman I know is pregnant, currently 32 weeks. She’s only 22. She planned the baby but her DP has since left her. Was at my friends house yesterday and the woman was there (i’ve known of her for a while but don’t come into contact with her a lot) my friend is closer to her.

So yesterday this woman is speaking about her unborn baby in the most vile way I’ve ever heard. I felt utterly sick. She confided that she thought she wanted a baby but now she doesn’t. She said she’s googled how to get a late term abortion and when she realised she really couldn’t, googled how to cause a late miscarriage. She said she has looked up how to induce a cot death. I feel chills just writing that.

She smokes weed and said she will probably have to do the same thing she does to her dog to get the baby to ‘shut up and sleep’ (i’ve witnessed her blowing weed smoke into the dogs face before so I assume she meant that).

A big part of me thinks this is just pre-natal depression and she needs some sort of help. However the way she was telling us these things, I really believe that she will hurt if not kill her baby. When she left my friend and I where absolutely reeling, both having young children and not knowing what to think.

I barely know this woman and feel it’s not my place to get involved but I believed what she was saying and if I woke up to news that her little baby had been found dead and I had kept quiet about this I don’t think I could live with myself. I need to tell someone.

I’m thinking if there’s some way I could try to get this woman help before she has her baby, but in a subtle way, then she could still love her baby. I don’t want to make things worse for her by calling SS straight away but I’m unsure how to go about speaking to anyone else about this?!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Chloe9 · 27/06/2019 22:51

I never say this but in this case I'd let social services know

thethoughtfox · 27/06/2019 22:52

Of course you have to say something: she is talking about murdering her child after it is born.

Vanderlylecrybabygeek · 27/06/2019 22:53

I’d probably call Social Services too. She needs help

sincethereis · 27/06/2019 22:53

tell someone pls

Toddlerteaplease · 27/06/2019 22:54

You must report this ASAP.

NCforthis2019 · 27/06/2019 22:55

!!! Of course you tell SS!

Beldon · 27/06/2019 22:55

I would call social worker. They will support her and baby. No such thing as ‘just’ pre or post natal depression, if it is that and she is having thoughts of harming baby it could escalate and the baby could be at real risk. I think you need to go with your gut instinct on this one

Anothertempusername · 27/06/2019 22:55

If this is real, and I hope to god it isn't (sorry OP if it is but this is just horrific) please absolutely report. She needs to be on SS radar. If I'm honest I would've told her I'm going to report her for what she said. No saying you did the wrong thing but I couldn't have listened to that without telling her what a vile thing she is.

OnePotato2Potato · 27/06/2019 22:56

Yes plz plz contact social services... tell them what you have written here. She is talking about killing her baby and even how to it.

Original poster
Predicter · 27/06/2019 22:56

So definitely SS then? How would I go about that anyone? I know her full name, age and street she lives on that’s all, would that be enough information for them to help her and the baby?

OP posts:
Mummaofmytribe · 27/06/2019 22:56

Report to ss immediately. She may have severe mh problems. You need to speak up.

Divgirl2 · 27/06/2019 22:57

Yep, you're going to want to give SS a call about this one.

LorelaiRoryEmily · 27/06/2019 22:57

You have to tell someone. That poor baby.

SilverDapple · 27/06/2019 22:57

I think you absolutely must make social services aware, yes.

Original poster
Predicter · 27/06/2019 22:58

It absolutely is real, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!! I thought maybe it was a cry for help but then she went into small details about what she’s found online and it was so sinister I really felt so ill, but because she is a friend of a friend I felt I couldn’t really say anything to her right then and didn’t know what to say anyway

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 27/06/2019 22:58

Oh god this is awful please report it.

Original poster
Predicter · 27/06/2019 22:59

Ok so I think my first instinct might be the right path to take then, how do I contact them?

OP posts:
riotlady · 27/06/2019 23:00

Yes, go to social services.

I think it’s always better to report and have the experts decide that the person is not a risk, than fail to report and have it turn out that they were.

Divgirl2 · 27/06/2019 23:01

That should be more than enough information for them to go on. Google (wherever you live) social services and a number will come up, call them and ask who you report concerns about an unborn child/pregnant woman to. They'll pass you on to someone or give you a number (you might get passed about a lot but eventually you will get to speak to someone).

If SS aren't interested contact the police. No crime has been committed (yet) but they liaise with other agencies who might be able to provide support in some form.

MellowMelly · 27/06/2019 23:01

I agree with everyone that says call social services. That baby is all ready in danger and the poor little thing isn't even here yet!

I feel sorry for her dog too!

Iovestruck · 27/06/2019 23:03

The baby won't just get taken from her. If she is suffering prenatal depression or even psychosis, she'll get a lot of support. Reporting it would not only be better for the baby, but her too.

The info you have is enough.

SRK16 · 27/06/2019 23:04

Google for your local area children’s social care/child protection team. Something should come up with their contact number. Definitely report. Imagine if you didn’t and she harmed her baby.

Needmorecoffeeortea · 27/06/2019 23:07

Your local area will have a local safeguarding children’s board. Google your council name plus that and you should get it. It will direct you to a phone number. You can also phone NSPCC who will help you make a referral.

Original poster
Predicter · 27/06/2019 23:09

I know! I haven’t been able to sleep properly since that conversation, going over it in my head trying to imagine where her head must be at but I can’t. I’ve asked advice from two people I know IRL and they both said none of my business stay out but both know her slightly better than I do

OP posts:
Whatisthisfuckery · 27/06/2019 23:11

Absolutely you should report. Not to punish her but to hopefully help her. Sounds like she’s got MH problems.

Google your local MASH (Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub). They may not be able to intervene as the baby hasn’t been born yet but they should advise you on what you can do.

Alternatively do you know which GP practice she’s registered with? It might be worth contacting them and telling them what she’s been saying.

I don’t know what if any powers professional will have to intervene at this point as SS can’t open her to CP until the baby arrives and GPs, MWs etc can’t force her to do anything. What they can do however is pass her over to the AMHT if she’s not under their care already. MH have powers under the law to compel her to be treated but she’d need to be assessed. I think the chances of her already having had contact with the AMHT are high from what you’ve said.

Good luck. Clearly she needs help and so will the baby once it arrives.