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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report to social services *possibly triggering*

101 replies

Predicter · 27/06/2019 22:49

Or a midwife?! NC’d because i’ve spoken to a few people IRL about this.

Woman I know is pregnant, currently 32 weeks. She’s only 22. She planned the baby but her DP has since left her. Was at my friends house yesterday and the woman was there (i’ve known of her for a while but don’t come into contact with her a lot) my friend is closer to her.

So yesterday this woman is speaking about her unborn baby in the most vile way I’ve ever heard. I felt utterly sick. She confided that she thought she wanted a baby but now she doesn’t. She said she’s googled how to get a late term abortion and when she realised she really couldn’t, googled how to cause a late miscarriage. She said she has looked up how to induce a cot death. I feel chills just writing that.

She smokes weed and said she will probably have to do the same thing she does to her dog to get the baby to ‘shut up and sleep’ (i’ve witnessed her blowing weed smoke into the dogs face before so I assume she meant that).

A big part of me thinks this is just pre-natal depression and she needs some sort of help. However the way she was telling us these things, I really believe that she will hurt if not kill her baby. When she left my friend and I where absolutely reeling, both having young children and not knowing what to think.

I barely know this woman and feel it’s not my place to get involved but I believed what she was saying and if I woke up to news that her little baby had been found dead and I had kept quiet about this I don’t think I could live with myself. I need to tell someone.

I’m thinking if there’s some way I could try to get this woman help before she has her baby, but in a subtle way, then she could still love her baby. I don’t want to make things worse for her by calling SS straight away but I’m unsure how to go about speaking to anyone else about this?!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
Predicter · 27/06/2019 23:13

I’ve found a couple of numbers that might get me to the right place and will ring first thing tomorrow. Hopefully she gets help. I did manage to tell her that she could put the baby up for adoption but she said she didn’t want someone else to have her baby, not in a protective way in almost a jealous way? From what she said, it sounded to me like she was more leaning towards trying to miscarry than murder as sick as that sounds

OP posts:
EnchentButteler · 27/06/2019 23:15

SS definitely.

She needs prenatal support because drug misuse during pregnancy can cause life long developmental problems for the baby, should it survive.

dollydaydream114 · 27/06/2019 23:16

She sounds extremely unwell and yes, definitely call Social Services. Apart from the potential welfare of the baby when it's born, her own welfare sounds seriously at risk too.

Most women who don't want their baby talk about giving it up for adoption. They don't talk about trying to induce a cot death. There is something very wrong here and she could be at risk of harming herself as well as the baby.

Also - and I know this is a bit off-topic - if she blows weed in her dog's face to calm it down she isn't capable of looking after her dog, let alone a baby.

XXVaginaAndAUterus · 27/06/2019 23:22

Yes that's enough information. You can call non emergency police number to find out how to contact SS (I have done in the past) or google would probably tell you.

Stardustmoon · 27/06/2019 23:23

Please tell someone. She might end up doing something drastic whilst pregnant and injure herself as well as poor baby.

Nomorepies · 27/06/2019 23:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 27/06/2019 23:40

If she was actually going to kill her baby, would she be telling people?

She sounds quite unwell.

Wallabyone · 27/06/2019 23:43

Yes, please tell someone. If you google the local authority she is in + child services a number should come up. Or you can call the NSPCC to raise a concern. Do it soon.

MrsBungle · 27/06/2019 23:44

Google your local multi agency safeguarding hub (MASH) and report.

EAIOU · 27/06/2019 23:45

This has given me chills.

PurpleDaisies · 27/06/2019 23:48

I don’t understand why someone who is actually going to kill their baby would be telling people first.

Lou898 · 28/06/2019 00:07

What I want to know is how you reacted to what she was saying...did either of you question what she was saying or suggest these were not normal feelings and she should seek advice / help ?
It may have been a cry for help but depends a lot on how you responded but whatever she needs support.

SalomesDance · 28/06/2019 00:08

SS might take her baby away once it's born - and that will solve her problem. I hope she and the baby get help soonl

Lalliella · 28/06/2019 00:21

Social services definitely. That poor baby.

NewSchoolNewName · 28/06/2019 00:24

This definitely needs reporting.

ReanimatedSGB · 28/06/2019 00:27

It may be the case that she started out by ranting and venting, and went further because she was enjoying the fact that she could shock you. Some people do get their kicks out of horrifying others (by saying stuff that they don't really mean and have no intention of following through.) However, this is one of the few situations which makes me inclined to agree with PP that you should have a word with SS. If she was on the windup, she'll maybe know not to do it again.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 28/06/2019 00:30

Yes 100% clear cut childrens social care referral ( am safeguarding lead ).

Baritriwsahys · 28/06/2019 00:51

Your local council may have a form on their website for reporting this.

Queenoftheashes · 28/06/2019 00:57

I’d report her to the rspca as well

SemperIdem · 28/06/2019 01:08

Without a doubt report her. She needs help and support of a professional nature based on what you’ve posted here.

CrumpetyTea · 28/06/2019 01:22

Do you know if she has any real life support - close friends or her mum/other family? can you speak to them? or maybe give her a call and try and talk to her on a one-one basis just to give her someone to talk to? It may have all just been an attempt to shock/cry for help

notangelinajolie · 28/06/2019 01:37

Oh my goodness. I'm the first to say mind your own business but in this case you definitely need to report to social services. There could be a slim chance she is talking shit to shock you (I have a DD with bipolar who would do this) but regardless you actually need to tell someone.

WellThisIsShit · 28/06/2019 01:42

Yes definitely report, let people whose job it is decide whether there’s anything here to be concerned about or just a deeply unpleasant woman with a loud mouth and a desire to shock. The stakes are too high for you to be making this judgement yourself.

Imagine if she did murder this poor little baby, I suspect those people advising you to keep it of it would be running around making sad facing telling anyone who’d listen ‘but we didn’t KNOW’, except of course they did, they just decided not to bother putting themselves out about it.

TooManyPaws · 28/06/2019 01:54

Child protection can most definitely be involved before a child is born - look at the court cases where a child has been immediately taken into care at birth and all the legal preparation was done before birth. It is likely that they will want to work with her before birth and they may either take the child immediately into foster or give her support to look after the child. She may even be considered a person in need of protection herself due to MH concerns. Ring ASAP. In my area, if you phone the main council contact centre they can forward you to social Work.

MyOpinionIsValid · 28/06/2019 03:24

Or maternity safeguarding at your local hospital

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