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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report to social services *possibly triggering*

101 replies

Predicter · 27/06/2019 22:49

Or a midwife?! NC’d because i’ve spoken to a few people IRL about this.

Woman I know is pregnant, currently 32 weeks. She’s only 22. She planned the baby but her DP has since left her. Was at my friends house yesterday and the woman was there (i’ve known of her for a while but don’t come into contact with her a lot) my friend is closer to her.

So yesterday this woman is speaking about her unborn baby in the most vile way I’ve ever heard. I felt utterly sick. She confided that she thought she wanted a baby but now she doesn’t. She said she’s googled how to get a late term abortion and when she realised she really couldn’t, googled how to cause a late miscarriage. She said she has looked up how to induce a cot death. I feel chills just writing that.

She smokes weed and said she will probably have to do the same thing she does to her dog to get the baby to ‘shut up and sleep’ (i’ve witnessed her blowing weed smoke into the dogs face before so I assume she meant that).

A big part of me thinks this is just pre-natal depression and she needs some sort of help. However the way she was telling us these things, I really believe that she will hurt if not kill her baby. When she left my friend and I where absolutely reeling, both having young children and not knowing what to think.

I barely know this woman and feel it’s not my place to get involved but I believed what she was saying and if I woke up to news that her little baby had been found dead and I had kept quiet about this I don’t think I could live with myself. I need to tell someone.

I’m thinking if there’s some way I could try to get this woman help before she has her baby, but in a subtle way, then she could still love her baby. I don’t want to make things worse for her by calling SS straight away but I’m unsure how to go about speaking to anyone else about this?!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Fcukthisshit · 28/06/2019 10:37

You 100% need to report this to SS so she’s on their radar once the baby is born.

bobstersmum · 28/06/2019 10:38

I feel ill reading this I hope ss or someone does something she sounds either vile or seriously unwell. That poor baby.

llewellyn25 · 28/06/2019 10:40

Definitely report!!

LucyAutumn · 28/06/2019 10:48

This is chilling Sad

Well done OP for calling SS. I hope she gets the support she needs and the baby gets the love and care it deserves.

Meangirls36 · 28/06/2019 10:58

I wouldn't even bother with social services I'd just call the police. Thats straight up a threat to kill an infant and I would not go round her house ever again.

kateandme · 28/06/2019 11:33

people can get involved before birth.iknow one lady who got pregnant and was straight away told she wouldnt be able to keep the babyand ive seen many programs where addicts or mothers have been told from the start thy wouldnt be allowed the baby and the fight and consequence that have come from them knowing this.

AyBeeCee10 · 28/06/2019 11:38

I would report to both police and SS. What did you friend say to this?

Gingerkittykat · 28/06/2019 11:43

I would be tempted to call the police since SS wouldn't be able to stop her doing anything to her unborn child but might seize her phone and look at her google searches proving or disproving what she has said.

I feel awful saying that since I don't generally believe in criminalising women who want abortion but I believe trying to induce your own abortion is illegal here.

thepinkyponkblues · 28/06/2019 11:51

I don’t understand why someone who is actually going to kill their baby would be telling people first.

Because she's mentally ill. She's not thinking rationally.

People saying call the police, they can't arrest her for what I essentially a crime of thought. Children's services are the appropriate people to deal with this. This is a situation they will have come across before and there are processes in place to support the Mother to access help and to protect the baby.

timeforawine · 28/06/2019 11:55

Keeping everything crossed SS jump on this and get involved. That poor baby

JaneyJimplin · 28/06/2019 11:56

This is awful Sad

Minai · 28/06/2019 11:58

She needs help. I’m glad you are calling social services. That poor baby Sad

thepinkyponkblues · 28/06/2019 11:59

And yes, children can absolutely be placed on a Child Protection plan in utero if there is reason to believe that the baby will be at risk. I have worked with a number of families where this is the case.

Kanga83 · 28/06/2019 12:01

I would be ringing social services and the local crisis team to be honest- just in case this is the start of some psychosis. They can intervene quicker than SS . I had to call them for an old neighbour some years ago who believed her unborn child was a threat to her body and needed it out. SS were not quick to respond so I called Crisis at her hospital who sent a nurse out that day and she was taken in suffering with some kind of psychosis. I don't know the full ins and outs as we were just neighbours rather than friends but she was watched very closely and admitted for a few day.

Original poster
Predicter · 28/06/2019 13:24

I rang the number for my county’s MASH safeguarding team and they put me straight through to SS. They have taken down the details about her and what she told me and said they are taking it very seriously. They have my number incase they need more info but I doubt I’ll hear anything more from them

OP posts:
Original poster
Predicter · 28/06/2019 13:31

The friend who’s house we were at didn’t want SS to be told because it was only us there so very obvious its come from us. The woman who’s pregnant gets quite aggressive (no idea why she invites her to her house) but her reaction of telling me to mind my own business has made me doubt my relationship with her. I asked her what she would do if she found out this woman had killed her baby and she kept quiet and she said she’s fine with that because the woman would be punished for it. Can’t get my head around that.

OP posts:
BigRedLondonBus · 28/06/2019 13:47

Why do people say ss wont get involved. Ofcourse they will! I’ve known of ss to get involved for much less than this you did the right thing op, they WILL take this seriously and they can absolutely get involved for a baby is born

CorBlimeyGovenor · 28/06/2019 13:51

Reporting anyone is a brave thing to do, esp when there could be repurcussions. No one wants to report someone else for fear of reprisals. Although it was absolutely the right thing to do, her other friends lacked the courage to do so. They put their own selves before a defensive helpless baby. They have acted cowardly. You have not! That said, although she will probably guess that it's you, she may have told others how she has felt. Or social services/police might be able to look at her internet search history as evidence. I should imagine however, that aged 22 with no partner, no mum around and living alone in a hostel whilst taking drugs, she is almost certainly on SS radar anyway.

Wonkydonkey44 · 28/06/2019 14:05

So glad you rang ss , can’t believe you were told not to x

Original poster
Predicter · 28/06/2019 14:06

I’m thinking about calling the RSPCA as well to try and help her dog but I think if she finds out she’s been reported twice she will probably go crazy. I know SS said they will be able to trace her from name, age and roughly where she lives but would the RSPCA? I don’t want to look silly ringing them and not knowing the location of the dog

OP posts:
Branleuse · 28/06/2019 14:09

even if you get crap for doing it, you had no choice.
She was brazen and stupid for admitting something like this out loud, she clearly doesnt even realise how bad it is

thepinkyponkblues · 28/06/2019 14:13

She was brazen and stupid for admitting something like this out loud

Or mentally ill

GloGirl · 28/06/2019 14:27

No, I wouldn't report the dog. It would be unlikely to go anywhere but might make your first referral look malicious if you're doing multi agency reports.

Obviously someone harbouring those thoughts isn't likely to treat her pets well so it's possible dog will get rehomed in the process regardless.

Queenoftheashes · 28/06/2019 14:33

Perhaps SS could pass on details to RSPCA if they are aware of issue?

ElektraUnchained · 28/06/2019 14:36

Well done OP. SS likely have their own methods of referral if there is concern for animals.