To report to social services *possibly triggering*

[Predicter]

Or a midwife?! NC’d because i’ve spoken to a few people IRL about this.

Woman I know is pregnant, currently 32 weeks. She’s only 22. She planned the baby but her DP has since left her. Was at my friends house yesterday and the woman was there (i’ve known of her for a while but don’t come into contact with her a lot) my friend is closer to her.

So yesterday this woman is speaking about her unborn baby in the most vile way I’ve ever heard. I felt utterly sick. She confided that she thought she wanted a baby but now she doesn’t. She said she’s googled how to get a late term abortion and when she realised she really couldn’t, googled how to cause a late miscarriage. She said she has looked up how to induce a cot death. I feel chills just writing that.

She smokes weed and said she will probably have to do the same thing she does to her dog to get the baby to ‘shut up and sleep’ (i’ve witnessed her blowing weed smoke into the dogs face before so I assume she meant that).

A big part of me thinks this is just pre-natal depression and she needs some sort of help. However the way she was telling us these things, I really believe that she will hurt if not kill her baby. When she left my friend and I where absolutely reeling, both having young children and not knowing what to think.

I barely know this woman and feel it’s not my place to get involved but I believed what she was saying and if I woke up to news that her little baby had been found dead and I had kept quiet about this I don’t think I could live with myself. I need to tell someone.

I’m thinking if there’s some way I could try to get this woman help before she has her baby, but in a subtle way, then she could still love her baby. I don’t want to make things worse for her by calling SS straight away but I’m unsure how to go about speaking to anyone else about this?!

WWYD?

If I knew where her GP was I would make an appointment to speak to the practice manager and raise my concerns... I'm sure they will help too and it's better if there are several agencies involved. I'm so sorry you are going through this... I feel sick myself!! Good luck x ah, when you speak to the receptionist say it is a safe guarding issue!

Oh, that is one of the shittiest things I have ever heard. Please tell anyone and everyone who you think may be able to help in this situation.

That little baby deserves someone in it's corner and the pregnant lady needs some help ASAP!

I don’t understand why someone who is actually going to kill their baby would be telling people first

Off the top of my head:
a) manic and disinhibited
b) psychotic and no longer realises that this is a not normal way to feel
c) cry for help/wants to be stopped

But yes, definitely report.

Call NSPCC? They may be able to advise on who to contact regarding this.

Goggle Multi agency safeguarding hub (MASH) in your local authority and that should bring you to the right number. Your call will be screened by social workers who will decide on threshold and whether this needs social work allocation or could be managed via a support plan. I work in a MASH and we would definitely want to know about a case like this. As others have said it would be about support for the mother but also ensuring the baby is safeguarded.

I'd be phoning social services about this disaster waiting to happen AND the rspca for the poor dog

Nomorerepies
Op is worried and doesn’t know what to do. I’m bemused that you seem to believe being vile to another poster is such a positive trait. Being forthright and self assured is entirely different.

She sounds desperately unwell, and it’s clearly not a safe situation to bring a child into. You are right to report - she and the baby both need help by the sounds of things.

Come on. This needs reporting and I can’t believe you are asking.

No need to berate the OP. Sometimes things are so shocking we need a bit of reassurance. Hope she gets the help she needs

Poor baby. I’m ambivalent about my first pregnancy but jesus this is horrendous. You are doing the right thing OP. No child deserves this. The mum seems off her rocker and could definitely do with some help too. I’d report too, you are doing the right thing.

She might not be unwell but by telling people the things she's thinking she's indirectly crying out for someone to step in. That's where you come in. You can call social services and ask for your identity to be kept anonymous. Although it may be obvious if she's not said it in front of very many people. As others have said, you can just Google the number for children's social care in your area.

Sorry you've ended up in this horrible situation

I think you have to call.

She sounds a danger to herself. If she tries to induce something she could cause any number of complications and potentially become sick or even haemorrhage severely.

Get her help before she does something she may regret when she "comes round"

Maybe speak to the police as they will be able to contact the appropriate services

To PP who asked how I reacted and what I said, not much really. I’ve never been so speechless in all my life. My friend was the same it wasn’t until after she left that we could properly take in everything she had said. I did suggest adoption to her but she said she wouldnt want someone else to have her baby. The way she said it was like ‘I don’t want anyone else to use my new handbag’ sort of way. I dont know her GP but I do know that her mum isn’t the best. I went to primary school with the girl and she would sometimes be waiting at school til quite late for her mum to pick her up. Her mum now lives in spain with her boyfriend and the woman lives in a hostel. So definitely not great. I’m just waiting until DC is at nursery then I’m going to call

Omg that's terrifying. Report to social services. She should give that poor baby up for adoption straight away poor little thing.

Report to social services, and I’d report her to the RSPCA too. Following that I’d be seriously looking at your friendships. None of my friends would be friends with someone like this. She sounds disgusting.

It's probably also worth noting that, once you have managed to report your concerns, you might never know the outcome. You're not a relative nor legally responsible for her, so it;s quite likely you will be thanked for your concern and they will investigate, but not inform you what happens.
(Partly saying this for those posters who will be on this thread over the next few days screaming for updates that involve the woman being dragged off to a secure maternity unit in handcuffs...)

I think I probably will find out what happens as she posts her life all over facebook and if she realises it was between me and my friend reporting her she will definitely make the consequences known! Calling now

Glad you’re ringing OP. She sounds very unwell. I hope SS take this seriously.

Call SS. And then the RSPCA. It doesn't sound like she's capable of looking after a baby OR a dog.

What did your friend have to say about it? Is she one of the ones saying not to tell anyone? why does she think that?

Poor baby,

Poor girl too though she obviously needs a lot more help than she’s currently getting for her own sake (as well as the baby’s and the dogs).

Well done OP. It definitely sounds like she needs some MH intervention. It really isn’t normal for a woman to say this about her unborn child, and I’ve known a fair few women who haven’t been delighted about their pregnancy. Yes to the PP who said possible mania/psychosis/cry for help.I’ve said and done some wild shit while manic/psychotic. Nothing like this but certainly things that I’m still a bit shocked at even now. Also smoking weed can induce psychosis. It’s really strong nowadays and I’ve known a few people who’ve ended up on the psychiatric ward because of it.

And to reiterate what a PP has said, OP will be thanked for her concern but will not be given any more information than that. She may find out via the woman herself but SS won’t give any details.

Yes absolutely report. You can contact the nspcc who will forward to local children's services.

Will social services actually do anything, though? The things that increase the risk of SIDS are smoking (even outside, away from the baby), putting the baby to sleep on their tummy, formula feeding, and not letting the baby sleep in the same room as the parents. Social services can't stop parents from doing any of these things.