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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this a bit suspicious?

107 replies

Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 22:11

It's a minor one but since it's just happened and I'm on mumsnet anyway thought I'd throw it out there!

DH and I watching tv. DD just started crying on the monitor, I asked him if he'd go give her a bottle. As he was just about to get up a text message came through on his phone which was lying on the arm of the couch. He glanced at the screen, put the phone in his pocket and went to give her the bottle.

AIBU to find that odd? Why he'd bring the phone with him when he wasn't going to be able to look at it in DDs room? If it were me I'd just leave it where it was. I don't know why it's spiked my attention but something just didn't seem right. Am I being daft?

OP posts:
MintedLamb · 27/06/2019 22:12

Why wouldn't he be able to look at it while he was giving the bottle?

ElizaPancakes · 27/06/2019 22:12

Confused why can’t he look at it while he’s giving the baby a bottle?

Paddingtonlikesmarmalade · 27/06/2019 22:13

Yep, I wouldn’t read too much into it. Probably sub consciously did it. I wouldn’t worry Flowers

Biancadelrioisback · 27/06/2019 22:15

I used to read my phone when feeding DS. Why can't he?

Redglitter · 27/06/2019 22:17

I think you're overthinking. Hes probably taken it & plans to reply while hes feeding. Could also have just picked it up without thinking. I've done that plenty of times

Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 22:17

Sorry he was just handing her the bottle (she's 18 months and should be long off them but always wakes up at this time for one and then sleeps through) so he would have wandered in to the room in the dark, handed her a bottle and left again.

OP posts:
Hooferdoofer37 · 27/06/2019 22:23

Have you asked him who the text was from?

I don't keep tabs on all my DHs texts, but if one comes through on his or my phone whilst we're together, either of us would mention who it was from/what it was about just as part of the natural conversation.

Sparadrap · 27/06/2019 22:23

This seems a really normal thing to do.

What isn’t normal is your level of suspicion.

Provincialbelle · 27/06/2019 22:25

Not enough to give rise to suspicion, I wouldn’t overthink it

OldUnit · 27/06/2019 22:26

Ask him.

Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 22:28

No Hooferdoofer37 I didn't ask. I never usually would pay any attention but there was just something about the way he did it. I did say "if your phones going to be ringing put it on silent" (as it would wake our other notorious light sleeper) and he mumbled something like "no, it's stopped now".

You're right Sparadrap, I'm not usually like this. We haven't been in a good place recently for numerous reasons and I suppose I'm probably being irrational due to that!

OP posts:
MissBehaves · 27/06/2019 22:33

I agree with pp who said to ask him (not accuse him of anything).
You know him so you can hopefully see if he reacts weirdly/guilty or not.

Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 22:35

I should have just asked at the time but 20 minutes have passed so I'd feel a bit daft asking him now Blush

OP posts:
flossie86 · 27/06/2019 22:44

Reading this it does sounds daft, however it's the vibe or intuition you have that to me makes me think you may NBU

Cecilandsnail · 27/06/2019 22:44

Don't fucking ask him unless you mean to present as bonkers! Has h3 done something in the past to make you distrust him? In which case, bonkers forgiven. If not...please chill!

SunshineCake · 27/06/2019 22:48

Are you worried it's an inappropriate message?

Forgotmycoat · 27/06/2019 22:50

I would find this suspicious, especially as you two seem to be going through a rough patch. Could there be someone else he's interested in or vice versa?

I would have to ask, even if it seems bonkers.

Meyoumeanmeh · 27/06/2019 22:52

I pick my phone up and take it upstairs when I have a shower. Nothing sinister, I just feel I’m missing my right arm if I don’t have my phone near me.

He could easily look at his phone on the way handing a bottle to her but as you had said about the ringing it may have been automatic to pick it up to put it on silent despite reassuring you it had stopped.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/06/2019 22:53

Couldn’t he be taking the phone to read the text while on his way to the baby’s room?

Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 22:55

It was a vibe flossie86 the act itself wouldn't normally draw my attention. It's just I was looking right at him when it happened and he just looked sort of shifty, I don't know.

I've no reason to think he's cheated before Cecil but he is a skilled liar (I've seen him in action with other people) and can be quite manipulative, a trait he seems almost proud of Confused.

As I mentioned, things have been strained recently and I'm probably seeing issues everywhere when normally I'm not so insecure bonkers!

OP posts:
Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 22:58

Meyoumeanmeh he had already put it in his pocket and stood up when I mentioned putting it on silent but true he could have read it going down the hall I suppose.

OP posts:
cricketmum84 · 27/06/2019 23:00

I think you are being over sensitive.

I'm sorry Cos I know this wasn't part of your AIBU but is it safe to hand an 18 month old a bottle and have her drink it laid down and alone? This seems like pure laziness. If she needs milk at this time then go upstairs and give her milk. Don't just shove a bottle in the cot and leave her to it!

Durgasarrow · 27/06/2019 23:04

If you have a vibe, it may be reasonable.

msmith501 · 27/06/2019 23:05

Despite all the well meaning and considered thoughts, we're all just guessing in the dark - which is fine if you're not interested in the truth. Assuming that you might be, you need to ask him not a random bunch of strangers, However well intentioned we are. It could be nothing (and I'm sure it is) or it could be something... in a partnership or marriage, one person should not be afraid to ask the other what's going on that might possibly upset the balance of the relationship. Just grab the bull by the horns and ask.

Mamia15 · 27/06/2019 23:06

Always trust your instincts. Esp when things haven't been great.

I would have a sneaky look at his phone if you can.

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