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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this a bit suspicious?

107 replies

Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 22:11

It's a minor one but since it's just happened and I'm on mumsnet anyway thought I'd throw it out there!

DH and I watching tv. DD just started crying on the monitor, I asked him if he'd go give her a bottle. As he was just about to get up a text message came through on his phone which was lying on the arm of the couch. He glanced at the screen, put the phone in his pocket and went to give her the bottle.

AIBU to find that odd? Why he'd bring the phone with him when he wasn't going to be able to look at it in DDs room? If it were me I'd just leave it where it was. I don't know why it's spiked my attention but something just didn't seem right. Am I being daft?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 23:07

Thank you for your "concern" cricketmum84 I assure you she's fine.

OP posts:
flossie86 · 27/06/2019 23:08

I've learned to always trust my gut instints OP, hopefully your are wrong but I wouldnt just push it aside, I'd be tempted to check the text at that specific time, if the text is gone then you'll know. I know most will go against snooping but I would do it x

Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 23:09

Thanks flossie86 I think I might just do that. And thanks to everyone else for taking the time to post.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 23:15

Our eldest ends up in our bed during the night most nights. It usually means a totally rubbish sleep for me and he gets kicked out to the spare room/couch. He's just offered to deal with it tonight's and said I can sleep in the spare room. Now I'm definitely on edge as it came out of nowhere and even though he offers to do this sporadically, it's always at the weekend. He never, ever offers when he has to get up for work at 5:30am.

OP posts:
hotsouple · 27/06/2019 23:17

Hmmmmmmmmmm that seems very fishy

Sundancer77 · 27/06/2019 23:18

I’d have a quick peek at the message

Whatisthisfuckery · 27/06/2019 23:18

Maybe he’s planning on going for a shit when he’s finished settling DD?

pollypenguin01 · 27/06/2019 23:18

Can you happen to be close to his phone in case he gets another text?

Honestly you’re best off just asking him, I presume you know him well enough to know if he lies to you?

Littlemisslists · 27/06/2019 23:19

Trust your gut, it’s there for a reason. My reason is I’m a fat pig but I always trust it.

Forgotmycoat · 27/06/2019 23:20

I would be checking his phone op. He's definitely got something to hide. He probably wants to make sure you're actually asleep tonight so he can chat to someone, hence he offered for you to sleep in the spare room.

Hecateh · 27/06/2019 23:21

If it's anything it will come out soon enough - there will be lots more things.

For now, acting suspicious will just worsen your current situation

Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 23:23

I didn't think of it like that Forgotmycoat I just thought he was being extra nice as he realised he raised my suspicions. I feel a bit sick now Sad

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 27/06/2019 23:25

I think people generally know themselves when their partner is acting out of normal. To anyone here that behaviour may be perfectly normal but to OP it set off a little tiny bell. She knows her partner and how he usually behaves. Maybe there’s nothing in it at all. Maybe he just put it in his pocket because he had looked at it and it was a habit to put it in his pocket. Or maybe he didn’t want OP to see the text. Either way the action was strange for him to do according to OP who knows him well.

OP if it were me I’d try and get a look at the phone. But I’ve been cheated on before so maybe my trust barometer is off.

Sofasurfingsally · 27/06/2019 23:25

I would say absolutely and keep an eye open.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 27/06/2019 23:27

And based on your 23:15 post I’d say that’s definitely suspicious!

Speakercube · 27/06/2019 23:36

My dh received texts from someone at work when he was off sick. They were inane (and yes I did peak initially) and then I asked after he received some more plus he showed me her facebook page. Nothing is goin on but just to know for myself made ne feel better. Either way just for yr iwn peace of mind I would taje a peak. Otherwise you might be worrying yrself over nothing.

Speakercube · 27/06/2019 23:39

A good time to look is when he's in the shower.

Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 23:46

A good time to look is when he's in the shower.

He always brings it with him when he goes for a shower. The only time I'd really be able to check it is if he's asleep and as he'd be in the same room I'd be very, very reluctant. I'll keep an eye over the weekend and an opportunity may arise. I hate even typing that though as I've never snooped on him before and would be livid if he was checking my phone. I really, really want to see it though, for peace of mind and hopefully nothing else.

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 27/06/2019 23:47

I was just about to post “I bet he takes his phone in the shower”

His phone is probably password or thumbprint protected anyway?

Sundancer77 · 27/06/2019 23:48

I don’t think you can say ‘He’s definitely got something to hide and that he’ll probably be talking to someone else tonight etc’ Not helpful to the op 😬
Perhaps you could just casually ask ‘Who texted you before?’ There’s nothing wrong with asking that 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 23:53

His phone is probably password or thumbprint protected anyway?

I know the password, unless it's been changed which I doubt as it's been the same for years and he'd look very guilty if he changed it. if I ask to use use his phone for some reason he'd hand it over and doesn't act strange about it. I can't remember the last time I've needed to use it though so it might be a different reaction if I ask now, I'm going to test that one out if I can't get access to it otherwise.

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 27/06/2019 23:59

Oh you poor soul. The early years can be so tough on a relationship with all the bed-hopping, sleepless nights with unsettled kids. It can really do damage to a couple. But don't despair. You can really find your way back.
Maybe he's offering to let you sleep in the spare room because he really sees that you're broken with fatigue. I've been in your shoes, OP. Lack of sleep and just going around in circles on the non-stop kiddie-go-round all day long can make us misread so much. Seriously, I don't see anything suspicious here. I really don't. Check his phone, sure. But my hunch is that the distance between you two has everything to do with you both being too tired to cope. I wonder, with 5:30am wake ups and sleepless nights with kids, if your DH would even have the energy to play away. I don't hear the alarm bells. I hear two very tired parents who are like ships passing in the night.
Get more sleep, any way you can. It gives you a much clearer head.

neveradullmoment99 · 28/06/2019 00:03

I'm sorry Cos I know this wasn't part of your AIBU but is it safe to hand an 18 month old a bottle

Sorry its off topic OP but I was wondering this too especially if your dh just leaves her with it.. What if she chokes?

flossie86 · 28/06/2019 00:18

She has a baby monitor

flossie86 · 28/06/2019 00:20

OP just lift it casually at some stage & say you need to use his calculator or calendar or something then sneak a quick look to put your mind to rest