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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this a bit suspicious?

107 replies

Cyrusc · 27/06/2019 22:11

It's a minor one but since it's just happened and I'm on mumsnet anyway thought I'd throw it out there!

DH and I watching tv. DD just started crying on the monitor, I asked him if he'd go give her a bottle. As he was just about to get up a text message came through on his phone which was lying on the arm of the couch. He glanced at the screen, put the phone in his pocket and went to give her the bottle.

AIBU to find that odd? Why he'd bring the phone with him when he wasn't going to be able to look at it in DDs room? If it were me I'd just leave it where it was. I don't know why it's spiked my attention but something just didn't seem right. Am I being daft?

OP posts:
Handsoffmysweets · 28/06/2019 11:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

cricketmum84 · 28/06/2019 11:44

Neurotic because I wouldn't leave an 18 month old in a cot alone with a bottle. Erm ok. Parenting really has come on leaps and bounds since mine were small.

MaidenMotherCrone · 28/06/2019 11:48

Trust your gut instinct.

user1471582494 · 28/06/2019 12:06

Yes you are being daft and over thinking it.

Original poster
Cyrusc · 28/06/2019 12:12

I didn't want to have to explain myself but cricket you clearly think I'm appalling mother so I'll at least try to allay your fears.

I've never held DD for a bottle - ever. She was breastfed for five months until i became really ill and had to go into hospital for 6 days. My milk dried up so DH and my mum had to try to give her bottles of formula. Apparently it was a major struggle and she would not accept the bottle from them at all. After trying everything (and every bottle) the only way my mum could eventually get her to take it was when she was lying down flat on the changing mat/in the cot. When I came home from hospital I tried to get her to feed while I was holding her but she simply wouldn't, so she's been fed that way ever since. Obviously I still held the bottle but as soon as she was strong enough to hold it herself she wouldn't have it any other way!

She has never started choking/spluttering in the 13 months of having bottles this way. With regards to not supervising her, we always did until the last month or so. If DH or I stay in the room now she'll stand up, look to get out, cry, wake her sister and ends up being awake for hours on end. If we go in and hand her the bottle and leave she drinks some of it, rolls over and goes straight back to sleep. I usually go to bed a half hour after she has her bottle and I go into the room and remove it so it doesn't spill/she doesn't roll over it in the night. We have a video monitor and are literally in the next room so if something was to happen I would be there in a flash.

I can still feel tearful thinking about that time hence why I didn't properly respond to your posts on the matter as you hit a raw nerve. I know it's not ideal but sometimes we have to do things that aren't for the sake of our families and while I have many flaws as a mother if you knew me in real life you would see that laziness is not one of them.

Sorry for the essay but I hope that puts the matter to rest.

OP posts:
lickthewrapper · 28/06/2019 12:31

I always think there's no smoke without fire. If it felt off to you, then more than likely something is not right.

purpleboy · 28/06/2019 12:32

Op you don't need to explain yourself to judgy posters. You do what's best for your family. You have enough on your plate without entertaining random busybodies on the internet.

I hope your proved to be wrong, but I do agree with following your instincts they are there for a reason. I always leave my phone lying around so does DH. If that is your normal too then I can understand why bells are ringing. Is there anything else in his actions that seem off?

Original poster
Cyrusc · 28/06/2019 12:48

Thank you purpleboy. Everything is a bit "off" with us lately so I think that's why I'm possibly being hyper sensitive to things I normally wouldn't be. There have been a couple of instances recently where he's been out for hours in the evening for work related purposes which seemed a little off but again could be completely innocent.

One of those times he had to go pick up some equipment from a man he deals with regularly. I rang him twice to ask if he'd bring home some milk but the phone rang out each time and he never attempted to ring me back. I was in bed when he got home and didn't speak to him until he came back from work the next day. He brought it up that evening and apologized that he'd left the phone in the car while he was talking to the guy. I thought that was unusual at the time because he rarely forgets to bring his phone anywhere and I was surprised he'd be there for so long without thinking to get his phone. But both he and the man he said he was with do have form for chatting for AGES about their work so if this had happened when our relationship was in a better place then I wouldn't give it a second thought - so I'm finding it really hard to tell if I'm being irrational!

OP posts:
wheresmymojo · 28/06/2019 12:54

I'm another one that would trust my instincts and see what else I could find

MrsFrisbyMouse · 28/06/2019 13:04

When your partner is having an affair, the underlying tension can make you feel as if you're going crazy. There is just something that is different but, like a word on the top of your tongue, you just can't explain/find it.

There is a feeling of walking into glass walls.

This leads you to feel paranoid, edgy, like you're losing it.

OP - it may be nothing, but it may be something as well. I'd be trusting your instincts, and not looking to blame yourself and your own paranoia.

It's not the taking of the phone that alerted you (nothing in itself strange about that) but something else in the way that he did it, compounded with other niggles you might have.

Original poster
Cyrusc · 28/06/2019 13:12

You've articulated exactly how I feel recently MrsFrisbyMouse. Something is just not quite "right".

OP posts:
purpleboy · 28/06/2019 13:30

As you say on the surface all seem like normal behaviour, but always worth being sure.
Are you prepared though if you find something you don't like?
On the flip side if all is ok, do you just move past this or are there deeper issues in the relationship you may need to address. Will this happen again if he does something that seems off?
Probably need to work through the scenarios in you head so your prepared and know how to move forward whatever the outcome x

crustycrab · 28/06/2019 13:45

If you've got that weird feeling then I'd check his messages for that date and time. Hopefully it'll set your mind at ease.

Do you know what type of message it was to at least narrow it down? Mine buzzes the same way for emails, WhatsApp and messenger but different for a text.

Original poster
Cyrusc · 28/06/2019 13:48

It was definitely a text message crustycrab

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 28/06/2019 14:00

Hmm, with every update that you post, it sounds more and more suspicious. Trust your gut feeling. Hopefully it'll turn out to be nothing though

boobirdblue · 28/06/2019 14:53

@Cyrusc look you're tired, run ragged and if you are like me when you're tired you "see" things that aren't there.

However you're clearly worried, so you either speak to you husband and say "I'm concerned and I want you to be truthful" and ask him what the text was.

Or

You sneak a look

Whichever Is going to make you feel reassured do it, otherwise your may keep seeing things that aren't there because you're paranoid.

As for @crustycrab I wouldn't be explaining anything to her, honestly some people who are on here and you don't do things "their" way and they start with the I am a decent mum and so much better than you bollocks!

Halloumimuffin · 28/06/2019 15:14

Honestly, I pick my phone up when I move as a habit. I take it into the bathroom with me when I shower, just because when I'm faffing about in the bathroom I might check it.

Does he not have a phone with password? If so what difference would taking his phone even do if you couldn't access it anyway? More likely he just wants to check it while walking around.

crustycrab · 28/06/2019 15:26

@boobirdblue excuse me? What decent mum bollocks? What has the way my phone buzzes got to do with being a decent parent? Confused

itsowrong · 28/06/2019 15:33

My sincere apologies @crustycrab, I meant to tag @cricketmum84 and obviously my bloody fat fingers tagged you because you both start cr!

I'm sorry, should've proof read first.

@cricketmum84 was judging the way OP gave her DD a bottle.

Nesssie · 28/06/2019 15:34

If you need to get his phone, put yours on silent and 'hide' it somewhere. Ask to borrow his phone to call yours to find it, then walk into another room 'searching'. Check the text.

Its not ideal but you've got to trust your gut and you won't be able to relax until you find out either way.

itsowrong · 28/06/2019 15:34

Mind you @crustycrab you must've thought I'd been on the wine early as you've said nothing wrong Grin!

I've not honest, I'll wait until at least 6pm.

itsowrong · 28/06/2019 15:36

@crustycrab now I've had a name change fail! I think I should give up today!

crustycrab · 28/06/2019 15:39

Oh! I see, was rereading my post thinking wtf have I said now?! Grin

RogerBannister · 28/06/2019 16:38

Whenever there is doubt, there is no doubt.

Original poster
Cyrusc · 28/06/2019 19:46

I asked to use his phone to take a video of DD as my storage is full (wasn't actually a lie!) managed to sneak a very quick peek. It was from a woman he works with. All it said was "ok John" (not his real name) I didn't get a chance to read the messages above that, as he was walking towards me, I'll have another look if I can but I think it's probably innocent enough based on that!

He has mentioned her name a few times since he started working there but he doesn't see her too often as she's office based and he's not so I can't imagine anything untoward happening. Thanks again everyone for your input.

OP posts: