To not want to breastfeed?

[Napqueen1234]

I know the obvious answer is of course not do what you want. First DD was desperate to BF but it didn’t work out- prem jaundiced baby and low supply meant we went to FF exclusively within 3 weeks.

Pregnant again and initially super keen to BF. Doing my research, friends have all BF (If been able). I work in healthcare with lots of friends and family in similar jobs so expectation is I will at least attempt it.

The trouble is after the initial sadness at not being able to I loved FF. I worry I’ll be self conscious BF in public, I dread the stress of trying to do it again and worry about failing. I loved sharing the load with my partner last time and the fact that DD was more settled and slept better than BF counterparts.

What would you do? My thoughts are to at least give BF a good go and if it works out maybe attempt mixed feeding once supply is in place so can do a bit of shared feeding and the onus isn’t all on me. I know this may be selfish but I’ve seen friends virtually chained to their babies because of breastfeeding and I loved the flexibility ff gave us as a family.

YANBU to not want to - it's personal choice.

I didn't breastfeed my son - I really didn't want to do it. I found being able to share the load really helpful, especially in the early weeks following c-section.

It was also straightforward when I wanted to return to work as he took bottles.

He's 5 now and a very healthy, bright boy so no lasting harm done.

If you don't want to breastfeed then ff .

Not unreasonable, but once the initial few weeks are over there are lots of advantages to breastfeeding too. You might love it just as much or even more. Try it if you want to - you know it'll be fine if it doesn't work out.

I think you should do whatever you feel most happy doing. Perhaps keeps an open mind and see how you feel once baby is born.
Give it a go if you want to and if it doesn’t work out don’t beat yourself up either way it doesn’t matter and no one should judge.
I tried to feed all 3 of mine with limited success but only with the 3rd I didn’t feel guilty about giving him a bottle, it was so much nicer without pressuring myself.

@youcouldbeGLAAD what sort of benefits (other than the obvious health and cheaper) would you say? I think I will give it a go because obviously I want to give my baby the best start possible and keep thinking even if I do it for 3/4 months it’s better than nothing and as you say often it works well for people and they carry on for ages!

You have to do what you're comfortable with. There are upsides and downsides to both methods. I bf both my DDs for a year and I found it easy and convenient. They were both excellent sleepers too - not all bf babies are non-sleepers. I liked the convenience of having a feed ready no matter where we were.

However, you had a rough go of it with your DD1 and I totally understand you not wanting to go through it again.

A lot of my friends did 6 weeks or so and then mix fed, gradually tapering off into ff. Would that be something to try, and would it give you the feeling you'd given it a go? It's important for you to be comfortable with whatever decision you take.

Do what you want. I ff my first and bf the next two until 6 months then did mixed feeding. Imo nothing wrong with bottle formula in the evening so you can have an early night

I think you should do what you want to do. I breastfed for 7 months but introduced a bottle of formula a day at 6 weeks and started more mixed feeding from 4 months.
I loved the convenience of it and not having to worry/think about bottles but I found it hard that it was always on me and that it felt constant. I then loved that with bottles there was more of a routine and other people could help. It comes down to what works for you.

Of course it isn’t unreasonable. Your baby, your choice of feeding.

I just wanted to clear up a few misconceptions for any pregnant women reading this who are wondering how they’d like to feed their baby:

1. I feel like the majority of women (at least those that I know) do not feel chained to their baby due to breastfeeding. Yes, it is a commitment however I haven’t met many people who resent their baby due to it. After around 6 months, babies begin taking in solids and that’s a great time for someone else to help with feeding (thus giving a longer break). I’ve EBF and have managed several dinners out/drinks etc from about 6 months and my LO loves to feed.

2. Feeding isn’t the only to share the load - bath time, nappy changes, walks in pram/sling, tummy time, etc are a great way for a partner to get involved without having to use formula to share the load. My partner and I agreed how I’d like to get a break during the evenings (and even at night after the first few months!) and weekends, and he made sure that I got the rest I needed and bonded with both our babies.

This isn’t directed to you, but just food for thought for anyone undecided about feeding choices.

I mean that the feeding responsibility was always on me, not meaning the baby is an “it”

YANBU. It is NOT selfish to FF. You're right about the flexibility FF affords you - there is another DC who needs mummy time too. You and your partner need time together too. Finally, you need time without a DC attached to you in some way. FF means you can share the work with your partner, share yourself with your DD and your partner and hopefully get the odd ten minutes to sit by yourself with a cup of tea, or whatever your idea of a quiet moment is.

I imagine a happy, solid family unit where everyone (including you) has their needs taken care of and has time for each other is far more valuable to healthy development than BM.

I bf my first for 21 months. He never had any formula. The second one was mainly ff from the beginning as she was in NICU for 3 months and struggled with weight gain so they had her on high calorie formula. I wouldn’t say that I have noticed any difference between them in terms of sickness levels, bonding or anything else. I would say do what will work best for you and your family. I personally enjoyed breastfeeding as I knew I had milk on demand wherever we were and didn’t have to worry about breaking down on a tube train for hours with no milk available (a random worry of mine!!). However I also liked the freedom that ff brought. Swings and roundabouts and far from the most important parenting decision in my opinion

Not selfish at all OP, you should do what suits you and your family.

That said I'm a big breastfeeding advocate. In regards to "WWYD" if I were you I would definitely attempt to bf for the first few days at least so your baby has the benefit of colostrum. I mostly expressed with DD2, it was hard work but great in that I wasn't tied to her yet didn't have the guilt I would have had if I had gone to formula. Other people could feed her and I could spend time with DD1 who was only 15 months when her sister was born. Got a night away with DH when she was two months old which was wonderful - just had to bring my pump along for the romance

I'm not anti formula at all btw. I also gave them a bottle of formula occasionally so they'd be used to the taste in the event of an emergency. Do whatever works for you and your family. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Benefits - if it works
no washing up (I never bothered expressing)
no getting out of bed at night (cosleeper cot)
less carrying stuff around - especially good on holiday
When they are poorly and not eating/drinking they'll usually still bf.
You get out of stuff you don't fancy doing ..."I'm sorry I can't leave the baby that long, they're still breastfeeding"

I'm really making breastfeeding sound like the lazy persons choice here!

BF is great when you're out and about. No need to carry bottles and formula, you can travel light, doesn't matter if you're delayed, you've always got food for your baby.

YANBU and your plan sounds good, give it a go and see how it goes basically, the more pressure you put on yourself the worse it will be, and you never know you might pick it up easy and not feel so self conscious when it comes to BF out. But knowing that if it gets too much or you simply dont like it, you can mix or FF and you shouldn't feel any guilt whatever you decide

There are benefits. No sterilising. Cheaper. Helps weight come off. Easy if you're on a long journey. Less colic. Easy to comfort them. Less likely to have ear and tummy infections. Obviously at population level - doesnt mean if you ff will get ear infection for example

But of course there are downsides. Less flexibility. Feeling trapped. Not being able to share feeds with anyone. Babies may be more clingy to mum and may have a feed to sleep habit which is hard to break. Difficult to be away from baby etc if they decline bottles etc.

Anyway why dont you speak to your friends and find out why they carried on when it seemed like there were issues and see what they say.

But ultimately just approach it as a give it a go and see and if it works it's a bonus and if it diesnt then you found ff better last time anyway. Please dont stress or feel guilty, there is no need and it's not worth it

Oh and the added benefit of just being able to leave the house with only a few nappies and some spare clothes. I’m known to leave the house for “only an hour” and then bump into friends, etc, then have lunch out, then decide to go food shopping and suddenly I’m out of the house all day BF comes in handy then as I don’t need to make sure I’ve got bottles, powder, ready made cartons, etc.

Yanbu if you don’t want to. I wasn’t able to bf my first because of complications I had at the birth and I was gutted. But once I got used to bottle feeding I loved it and decided to bottle feed my second from the start. I have had a few comments about why I didn’t even try but I’m not bothered. I have 2 happy and healthy little boys who have thrived on formula and have no regrets.

Thinking you might be self conscious is a bad reason to not do anything.

The sleep thing, DSis weaned her DC off the breast to get some sleep. DC slept through the night approx 3 years later. Good sleepers are born, not made, ime.

If you breastfeed DC2, your DH can share the load by caring for DC1, doing nappies, baths, cooking and cleaning, and.letting you sit and feed. BFing shouldn't mean your partner gets away scot free! For me it was less for me to do when DH was at work, no bottles to.wash and prep.

But ultimately, do what works for you. The stats for England are quite old but by 6 months more than 2 thirds of British babies were exclusively FF in 2010, so you won't be alone if.you FF.

If you're not sure just give it a go. Easier to switch from BF to FF than the other way round.

I personally love BF but it's still. One of the hardest things i've ever done.

Thank you all for your kindness and support. I really appreciate your answers- positive about breastfeeding without being in any way judgey. Hormonal me is tearing up reading them. Some of you have inspired me with your stories of BF then introducing a bottle/mixed feeding so think I’m going to aim to exclusive bf initially to build supply and see how it goes. I feel better this time of it doesn’t work moving onto to formula but I think I’d kick myself if I didn’t give bf a good go in case I love it. Thank you all

It's entirely your choice. You can also use breast and formula combined, so that you aren't chained to your child and are their only source of food on the first few months.

IME, I found using both from the beginning didn't result in a fussy baby who refused formula.

Like you, I wanted the freedom to go out without my baby and not worry about them being hungry. I also wanted DH to participate in feeding our DC, without me having to express.

YANBU, they both have their pluses and minuses. I tried to breastfeed my DD but couldn’t and ended up formula feeding- I liked the ease of being able to go out for an afternoon without her and my partner really valued being able to feed her equally.
So long as the baby is fed, doesn’t much matter how imo!

Yanbu.

If you do decide to give it a go though, make sure you introduce a bottle nice and early so you have the option of mixed feeding or just being able to leave baby with someone else with expressed milk on occasion. I waited til the recommended 6 weeks with one dc and she never ever took a bottle. New baby has had a bottle of expressed every other day or so since 3 days old.

Do what is right for you !
Go into it with your eyes open,sometimes bf works ,sometimes not ,if it does work great,if not then give formula .
Try to remember fed is best ,happy mum &baby is the main thing surely.

I mix fed my youngest & for us,that was the right thing to do .
If I ever had another,I'd do the same .