To not want to breastfeed?

[Napqueen1234]

I know the obvious answer is of course not do what you want. First DD was desperate to BF but it didn’t work out- prem jaundiced baby and low supply meant we went to FF exclusively within 3 weeks.

Pregnant again and initially super keen to BF. Doing my research, friends have all BF (If been able). I work in healthcare with lots of friends and family in similar jobs so expectation is I will at least attempt it.

The trouble is after the initial sadness at not being able to I loved FF. I worry I’ll be self conscious BF in public, I dread the stress of trying to do it again and worry about failing. I loved sharing the load with my partner last time and the fact that DD was more settled and slept better than BF counterparts.

What would you do? My thoughts are to at least give BF a good go and if it works out maybe attempt mixed feeding once supply is in place so can do a bit of shared feeding and the onus isn’t all on me. I know this may be selfish but I’ve seen friends virtually chained to their babies because of breastfeeding and I loved the flexibility ff gave us as a family.

Do whatever suits. Breastfeeding is usually more work than formula feeding in the first few weeks when getting established. But after that it is almost entirely much easier. It's often short term pain for long term gain (not for everyone, but it does tend to get remarkably easier about the 12 week mark). After a very rocky start for us, 20 weeks in it is so convenient. My daughter also gets a lot of comfort from the breast too, so it's not just about nutrition for us. It calms her and soothes her after jabs, when she's teething, when she's got a cold...

We introduced a bottle early and I express every night before bed as she goes down at 7 so there's always milk in stock for her dad to feed her if need be so I'm certainly not chained to her!

I do think you need to be quite passionate about doing it unless you are one of the lucky ones who can get established with minimal pain/hassle. I think it's worth persevering with, but for others it might not be.

Also I'm not convinced the sleeping thing is really that accurate, or at least not enough to make any difference. My DD has slept 9+ hour chunks since about 8 weeks, as have at least two of the other breastfed babies in our small antenatal class group. The only formula-fed baby is one of the worst sleepers. Purely anecdotal, but I think it's just pot luck and if you have a bad sleeper, BF or formula won't really make much of a difference.

YANBU. People act like the first 6 weeks of BF are trying and after that it's heaven. Not when you're desperate for your baby to take a bottle or sleep through the night so you can go back to work.

'If you don't want to breastfeed don't but be aware of the benefits and do your research.'

Ah, 'do your research', the cry of anti vaxxers and pro bfers everywhere. We all know you're insinuating FF mums are thick

@itscallednickingbentcoppers Linking pro breastfeeding people with anti vaccination people is ridiculous. Pro breastfeeding people base their view on decades of peer reviewed medical research and science across various populations which account of differences in demographics etc. Furthermore their decision to BF has no negative impact on the health of the wider community.

That said, OP, do what is right for you. Given your situation, I agree with PPs to keep an open mind and give BFing a go. If it's not working for whatever reason, then you always have the option of stopping and you've not lost anything by trying.

There is no scientific evidence that FF babies sleep better than BF babies. Personally I found BF helped me get more sleep overall because I could do it in bed without fully waking up.

Get as much (evidence based and expert information) as you can and then do what is right for you.

Congratulations on your baby!

Dear Op, do what feels good for you. But I will encourage you to keep expressing as much as you can every 3 hours, that way you can share with your partner and baby gets the most benefit. They sell feeding aprons if you are conscious about breastfeeding in public and to be honest it works for babies that get distracted easily too! Just relax and listen to your body xxx

What would you do?

I would still breastfeed. I would pump milk if I wanted to share the load.
For me, I will sacrifice anything and everything to give my child the healthiest start.

However, it is your choice.
Maybe attend a group prior to deciding.

You know you can mix feed if you wanted to try both. Do what you want.

YANBU at all but I just can't understand why anyone would rather not bf if they could. I exclusively pump breast milk for my DS and would do anything to be able to bf him.

I just can't understand why anyone would rather not bf if they could

I get odd looks / gasps of horror when I say it but I genuinely have never wanted to. Not for a moment. I'm not even sure why but the thought really makes me uncomfortable. Only about me personally, not about anyone else.

It has been touched upon but I just wanted to emphasise how useful expressing can be if you do decide to try breastfeeding.

I bf my first baby and found the first few weeks very tying as I was doing every feed direct. I was beyond exhausted! Then at the magic 6 week point that the NCT said nipple confusion would suddenly not become an issue I started expressing and my husband did a couple of ebm bottle feeds a day. That was wonderful and worked well for us, he got to feed baby, I got a break and could go out no problem. Also great for maintaining supply.

Baby 2 forced us to go down that route much earlier as she had a tongue tie so I was expressing and we were syringe then bottle feeding from birth. Zero problems with nipple confusion as I gradually switched back to feeding direct after the tongue tie was corrected. Stupid NCT guidelines. And I ended up having a much nicer start as we shared those crazy newborn round the clock feeds so I was better rested and felt less pressured that it was all on me.

Do what’s right for you and of course there’s nothing wrong with formula. But if you want to try it and get the right support breastfeeding can be an incredibly beautiful thing.

It can also be quite useful ‘oh baby needs feeding now so you’ll have to tidy up and hang the washing out’ while you get to watch telly with your feet up .