To not want to breastfeed?

[Napqueen1234]

I know the obvious answer is of course not do what you want. First DD was desperate to BF but it didn’t work out- prem jaundiced baby and low supply meant we went to FF exclusively within 3 weeks.

Pregnant again and initially super keen to BF. Doing my research, friends have all BF (If been able). I work in healthcare with lots of friends and family in similar jobs so expectation is I will at least attempt it.

The trouble is after the initial sadness at not being able to I loved FF. I worry I’ll be self conscious BF in public, I dread the stress of trying to do it again and worry about failing. I loved sharing the load with my partner last time and the fact that DD was more settled and slept better than BF counterparts.

What would you do? My thoughts are to at least give BF a good go and if it works out maybe attempt mixed feeding once supply is in place so can do a bit of shared feeding and the onus isn’t all on me. I know this may be selfish but I’ve seen friends virtually chained to their babies because of breastfeeding and I loved the flexibility ff gave us as a family.

In the end you need to go with what you feel comfortable.

I did both, bf until 6 months, then mix fed for another 2 before swapping to ff fully. I personally found ff tiresome, making bottles, taking all the stuff with me, spending money. The main reason i did it was that I develped PND due to feeling i need to be in control all the time and ff gave me an opportunity to go away and leave DD without worrying about feeding as she also refused expressed milk.

About sleep - DD was great until she started teething which was during the ff time. It was hell. Milk didn't make any difference. My friend had ff babies and both didn't sleep well until they were 2 and older. Another friend had to co-sleep to feed at night as her baby comfort fed all the time. I think sleep has a lot to do with lots of things, milk may only be one of them.

I FF DD from birth, as I had to go straight on strong pain meds for a pregnancy induced condition. The judgement I got initially at baby groups (live in an area with a very high rate of EBF) got me down, then I just decided not to give a toss.

Whole thing is still (7 months) working out brilliantly for us, and will probably do the same thing again if we’re lucky enough to conceive again.

And with regard to benefits - I use it to have a sit down and a cup of coffee
Plus - I don’t know how to parent without it! It solves nearly everything! DS has a wasp’s sting at 9 months - out breastmilk on it and it didn’t swell up. Tonight he was very upset (pretty sure he was in pain with constipation - poor thing) and a breastfeed seemed to calm him down and help things along! Only thing that gets him back to sleep when teething as well.

I think you sound well prepared, you know how bottle feeding works now and dont have to put any guilt on yourself!

My sis was in a very similar position to you. First baby had jaundice and was too sleepy to feed, they didnt know until she lost too much weight and ended up readmitted. She expressed for 8 weeks then bottle fed. Baby 2 was also jaundice but they were prepared this time so they were in for 5 days while he had treatment. She did a bit of expressing but by the time she was discharged decided bottle feeding worked better for her fam. She found feeding in front of people very unnatural for her (even close family) and was spending hours upstairs on her own to feed the baby and it just wasnt working.

I personally loved bf. I waited many years for my boy and loved that he was in my arms at least every hour! I am the type of person who sticks 2 nappies in a handbag and goes out for hours..couldn't stand the thought of being tied down carrying heaps of baby equipment! Major benefit for me was no periods for a year (I suffered pretty badly pre baby). My baby fed a lot but was never sore and I never really felt engorged or anything so it came pretty easily. I never wanted to go out without him so never felt tied to him and we just readjusted things when I went back to work at 8 months and managed to continue until 17m.

All the best with whatever you decide for your new baby and congrats

YANBU OP.

I'm in the minority I believe but I don't mind admitting that I have never wanted to BF. I absolutely hate the thought of it and refused. It made me incredibly uncomfortable to even consider. To me the benefit of me being happy and comfortable for my baby is bigger than the BF Vs FF debate.

No problem for everyone else, don't give a toss about seeing someone in public or whatever but for me it's always has been and always will be a no.

Do what you want to.

Women are beaten up no matter what choices they make.

I have never used formula at all. Breastfed in total for 7 years with my children- not one bottle of formula- just for background.
Information regarding health/ease cost/ is easy to find. You know your own circumstances and family situation/ I fully support a woman's right to choose.

Your body- your baby- your choice.

i didnt breast feed, my breasts were the size of soccer balls, really! and to be honest i didnt want to, so i pumped milk for 3 months for the first, then tried a lactose free formula and that changed my baby from something that wouldnt sleep or stop screaming to a perfect baby, the next i pumped for 5.5 months until my milk just dried up and then went to formula, he was fine either way... you have to do whats best for you and baby, if breast feeding isnt your thing, then formula is they way to go, baby is fed and you are happy... and that is really what it is all about isnt it

You are not unreasonable to have concerns particularly seeing as you had difficulties last time. It sounds like you are really giving this some though. Good on you. I went into breastfeeding hoping to do 6 weeks ideally 6 months. Try not to put yourself under any pressure. Once we got going it was easy (give or take blocked ducts on a couple of occasions- ouch). I had great support from my midwife, nct and other local groups. If you decide to give it a go, find out where the help is now and don’t be afraid to ask and ask again. There is a website called kellymom which is a great resource too.

After 3 weeks of little sleep we co-slept and it was great. My H did bath times, instead of feeds and this was their bonding time. I liked not getting up, no sterilizing bottles, cheaper, heath behefits for both of you (statistically), so much more convenient when out and about, no worrying about keeping milk chilled/heating it up. Also a good source of comfort, if baby is upset or ill. When ill DS would usually feed. At 6 months we went straight into blw, Italy at 9 months, no bottles to take, eating pasta, fruit, veggies, just so easy. Just took weetabix!

At 11 months I went back to work part time, thought I might have to stop but was able to continue, a lovely way to reconnect after being apart all day. I did give formula some days at nursery and expressed on others (my full days at work). DS weaned at 3.5 years.

Only negatives i think were being unable to leave him for longer than a lunch or hair cut for 6 months, but that never bothered me. I struggled to express much so only did it occasionally. Leaky boobs, blocked ducts a couple of times, all manageable. The major one was sleep. Who knows if he would have slept better if he didn’t have/expect milk on tap! He woke a lot but settled easy. I do know mums of ff babies who struggled with sleep but it does seem more common with bf babies. As for feeding out and about, its easy to find a quiet corner or a park if outside. You may find you become less concerned with a bit of practice. Great for when you have a tired toddler who can be very persistent!

Good luck with whatever you decide. I hope you do try it and love it but if you don’t, that’s ok too!

Do whatever YOU are most comfortable with. With my first I sobbed uncontrollably for days because I couldn't produce enough (pcos and endometriosis which can affect supply). I tried in vain for weeks before giving a bottle. With my second I decided I wasn't even going to try, happy baby, happy mum, and was bottle all the way. It's a very personal decision, and the one you choose is the right one for you.

I ff first and have bf second.

I have not enjoyed bfing and regret ever starting really. It was good for getting more sleep in the first few months but it has definitely had a bigger negative impact on a wide range of areas of my life. Bottle refusal is a real risk and I found myself with a bottle refusing, dummy refusing baby who couldn't be comforted by rocking. But clearly that is just my experience and not universal.

Everyone is different, make sure you read up and are clear about your risks and aims and be confident in your choices.

If you’ve decided to give it a go, then give it a go. To be honest, there is so much conflicting info about the benefits of it from a nutrition point of view I would ignore them as part of making the decision.

My pros were - always on tap, no faffing with bottles at 3am, no endless rounds of washing and sterilising, magic boob for whiny baby, lovely to have an excuse to sit on my bum, eat biscuits and watch telly. Some say it helped with weight loss, I couldn’t say it seemed a big help for me (probably because of the biscuits 😉)

cons - you and only you can do the feed, no option to pass night feeds on to someone else. Public feeding can be awkward at first but for me, it wasn’t as bad as I feared.

Only you will know which of those might sway your opinion. The most important thing it is your opinion and anyone else can go to hell with theirs.

Should probably add I was criticised for breast feeding ‘too long’. We mums really can’t win! I never had any negativity from feeding him out and about while he was small but once he could walk, my mum used to say to him, ‘aren’t you to big for that now?’ 😀 We ignored her!

If you want to five it s hi definitely do. Honestly I've found it so easy, I couldn't imagine having the faff of sterilising and preparing feeds in the middle of the night. Also many of my friends who were worried about feeling self conscious ready didnt when it came down to it.

I would also say - from reading the sleep threads on here - I don't think a FF baby necessarily sleeps better.
It's your baby - you do what works for you!

Being chained to your baby isn't enough reason not to. I went back to work full time when my first was 9 months and breastfed him u til 1.5 and feeding my second whilst working full time since 6 months and she is 9mo now. If you don't want to breastfeed don't but be aware of the benefits and do your research.

YaNbu to not want to breastfeed. Initially I didn't, however I tried and after a rocky start found it very rewarding (if that's the right word). Fed is best though and a happy Mum is best!

*give it a go. Sorry!

Obviously you must do what you feel is best, the guilt/pressure around feeding, whatever the choice, is insane! So at least go with what makes you happiest and refuse to worry about it :)

I couldn’t bf initially (tongue tie, horrendous pain, DS not getting enough milk, etc) and expressed for 10 weeks. Pumping is intense (10 weeks was my limit!) but I got into a routine and DH, etc could support feeding. I managed to pick bf back up in week 11, DS now 4 months and we’re still bf - am enjoying it, which I never thought I’d say after my early weeks experience. Looking back, even though it was tough at points, I actually got the routine/support benefits of using bottles early on (DS good sleeper, etc) but now have the convenience of bf! Maybe keep expressing for a time as a back up plan if bf not for you?

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with it all! X

YANBU to make a decision.

My first I couldn't breastfeed. No milk came in, not even colostrum and this was put down to the amount of hormones I needed during my induction.
I was a wreck and felt a failure. DS is now three, strapping, intelligent and I could count the amount of times he's been poorly on one hand.

I'm currently pregnant again, if I have a natural birth with no hormones I will attempt to BF. I have looked in to colostrum harvesting which I'm going to try.
DH is another Dad who really enjoyed doing the night feeds and early morning feeds so mixed feeding is an option for us.

As everyone else has already said, do whatever is right for you. I tried breastfeeding and it wasn't for us, my milk didn't come in due to the birth and pumping every few hours when I was still recovering and feeding formula was just too much. I've found formula feeding fab to be honest, and I don't think sterilising and prepping bottles is overly onerous to be honest. If you are unsure maybe keep breastfeeding an option in the early days as it's hard to relactate down the line. Whatever you choose will be best for you and your family.

Then don’t. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you don’t want to, don’t. What’s the problem?

I didn't want to so didn't. I had a go for a couple of weeks and hated it so went on to formula.
I feel no guilt whatsoever and don't care what anyone else thinks.

Just do what suits you.

The pro for me is no bottles no buying formula, no heating milk and sterilising stuff, I’d say nappy in one pocket and baby in a sling is a freedom that I would miss. That said I mix fed mine.

Don't feel under pressure to BF if you don't want to, do what is best for you & your baby.

YANBU!

But I have never felt so judged as I did when I formula fed my babies out in public. Anything run by the NCT was particularly bad for sanctimonious judgy bitches. One of their volunteers made me cry with her comments about it being “disappointing” that I used formula!

All the very best whatever you decide - and remember fed is best... by the time they’re in pre-school no one can tell who had what milk as an infant and it makes zero difference to their life going forward!