To not want to breastfeed?

[Napqueen1234]

I know the obvious answer is of course not do what you want. First DD was desperate to BF but it didn’t work out- prem jaundiced baby and low supply meant we went to FF exclusively within 3 weeks.

Pregnant again and initially super keen to BF. Doing my research, friends have all BF (If been able). I work in healthcare with lots of friends and family in similar jobs so expectation is I will at least attempt it.

The trouble is after the initial sadness at not being able to I loved FF. I worry I’ll be self conscious BF in public, I dread the stress of trying to do it again and worry about failing. I loved sharing the load with my partner last time and the fact that DD was more settled and slept better than BF counterparts.

What would you do? My thoughts are to at least give BF a good go and if it works out maybe attempt mixed feeding once supply is in place so can do a bit of shared feeding and the onus isn’t all on me. I know this may be selfish but I’ve seen friends virtually chained to their babies because of breastfeeding and I loved the flexibility ff gave us as a family.

Like you, OP, I breastfed my first baby for 3 weeks then went on to formula, my 2nd and 3rd went straight onto formula from birth. Never felt guilty about it, or found it inconvenient at all.
If you think you might regret not trying then give breastfeeding a go, you have nothing to lose. But if you're happy with your decision to FF then get the bottles in and don't worry about it.

I'm in the same boat as u, pregnant again and it didn't work out first time round. I breastfed for about 5 days before I had to start giving formula. My milk never came in. Don't know if it was because I was induced and had an emergency section. My plan was always to combi feed and I wasn't that bothered if it didn't work out.

However I felt that once I had started I had to keep going and felt really guilty when we started formula and even more so when I gave it up altogether.

So now I'm kinda like I don't know what to do. I don't want to put that pressure on myself again but I also feel like I need to give it another go 🤷🏻‍♀️ So my plan is just to see how I feel and how it goes. At least baby will get the colostrum in the beginning. Don't know how it would work with a toddler and cluster feeding but obv plenty of folk do it. I will only continue if baby takes to it well and my milk actually comes in!

I would say though the first 2-6 weeks are toughest. After that it's sooo easy. Baby hungry, tired, poorly just whip a boob out.

Yes it's a bit if a bind but if you just agree that you will spend the first 3-6 months watching boxsets then you start to get your life back after that.

Yanbu
Trying to breast feed my dd ruined me. My mental health was in tatters and really affected my bond with her for the first 2 months. I have never felt as low as I did during that time.
FF was a godsend and I will be taking bottles of formula to hospital when/if I have another baby.
I can’t go through that again.

When my now dh and I where trying he asked about breast feeding I said I would like to if I could, he piped up

"well I always did the night feeds with ds (previous relationship) so would you mind expressing in the week so I can still do them, I'll be at work a lot of the day and will miss out of one on one time, and you'll need your sleep and I always thought of nights as mine and ds time"

My reply...... mouth hanging open then shutting like a friggin gold fish!!! Yeah sure love if that's what you want I wont say fight you for the night feeds.
I couldnt quite believe it I was like is this guy for real... turns out we then dudnt conceive and I needed a hysterectomy....we have embryos on ice and he still mentions once weve found a surrogate he still wants the night feeds, Best DH EVER!

I won’t list the benefits as I think people have covered those.

In terms of what you should do? For some people it can be intimidating to think ‘ I’ll be doing this x times a day for x weeks/months/year’. If you’re happy to give it a try then just take it one day at a time and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

I’m one of those people who thought I’d do it for a little bit and would find it claustrophobic being the only source of nutrition (and largely the only source of comfort). But in the end it suited me and I fed much much longer than expected.

See how it goes. I BF and expressed so DH could feed too. I loved the freedom of not worrying about bottles when I was going out. No right way, do what works for you.

Do what’s right for you. I also couldn’t feed dc1 and was upset initially, but actually found ff worked really well for us. When I had dc2 I took my bottles into hospital with me and no one batted an eyelid. I breastfed dc2 a few times straight after birth, but from then I ff exclusively. It worked for us and I couldn’t care less what others thought. Do what’s right for you and your family and don’t think about the opinions of others.

Sorry totally derailed!! OP its purely personal preference if you do not want to breast feed then dont! Dont feel pressured into doing something you dont want to do, it will not make the experience of feeding your baby a nice one if you are pressured into breastfeeding xx

I breastfed till 9 months, both children, but also gave 1 formula feed every evening from early on ( about a week after birth). Do whatever suits you.

Shelbybear I would advise you to give it another go but find a friend who has BF experience and ask them to be your support. I couldn't have done it withoutthe benefit of my sisters experience.

Whatever works for your family is right. As others said there are pros and cons to both. I have exclusively breastfed and found it so much easier for me (after the initial period getting it to work) as I don't have to worry about shopping for milk, running out of it, working out how long I am going to be out and how much I need to have with me as my boobs are always there and ready. Plus my mum lives abroad and needed an operation when my baby was 3 months corrected age (prem baby so she was over 4 months actual age). I had 2 days to organise flights, car hire, insurance, pack and get myself and baby there (alone as DH was working), then I had to drive her to a hospital 3 hours drive away through rush hour traffic, wait through all her admission and anaesthetics appointments, drive back to her house in rush hour again, wait a few more days until she was out of intensive care and then fly home and come back out for a few weeks to nurse her once she was discharged from rehabilitation. She lives nowhere near shops and I am so glad that milk was one less thing that I had to worry about. Plus getting through airport security is so much easier. Both our families live abroad in different countries and we fly a lot. Ironically for the first time I had a problem getting through security flying back from my mum's 2 weeks ago. That was because the lady didn't believe me that I had no liquids with me (was planning to just buy a bottle of water on the other side) and I got a big lecture about how I was entitled to bring milk for my toddler. Until I told her I was still breastfeeding. Then she relaxed and let me through with a huge grin. It made me chuckle that it was more of a problem to take no liquids than some.

Wow. That was long.

Sorry op ,I should've also said that if you don't want to BF then that is absolutely your choice .
Your circumstances and choices are your own and as I said in my PP ,fed is best

After the stress of watching my partner struggle with breastfeeding I love formula feeding.

Sterilising is a doddle, feeding is easy and can be split between us, we haven't had issues with colic and while there is an additional cost it's pretty low. A £10 tub of formula lasts two weeks, that's less than a glass of wine and a pint.

I think your plan sounds like a good one. I was desperate to bf my first baby, he was born jaundiced and tongue tied and bf was hell. We introduced f as he was losing weight, he had his tt snipped which improved things a little and he was mix fed until he was 6 months when I stopped to ttc. I was devastated initially at having to give him f but tbh it worked out okay for us. I had my second when ds was 19 months and after seeing my friends who ebf and my experience of mix feeding ds I didn't even consider ebf dd. Dd turned out to be a doddle to bf (after the first couple of weeks anyway), so I mainly bf but introduced a bottle of f at 3 weeks and she had a bottle of f a day from then on.

what sort of benefits (other than the obvious health and cheaper) would you say?

Same as lots of others have said already, and I also found it extremely useful on holiday! No need to worry about buying formula or taking bottles or sterilising, and I breastfed on the plane to stop her crying during take off and landing! I found it nice having something that was just for me and her and she was a good sleeper despite being breastfed so it's not a given that they won't sleep well.

I quite liked that I never had to plan ahead with it. It was always there on tap and I didn't have to think about it.

No one gives a crap if you do or dont. It's not a huge deal. Honestly.

I did also express so my husband could bottle feed. I enjoyed the physical motion of bottle feeding more than breastfeeding - apart from pumping I would say bottle feeding expressed milk was my favourite feeding method. I'd echo what others say - if you do want to breastfeed and express then start that early to ensure they don't refuse the bottle.

Do whatever you want.
As long as baby is fed adequately.
That’s all ❤️

YANBU OP
I would advice to give it a go, take one day at a time to see how you get on but be safe in the knowledge that you can switch if you need to.
I’m a huge breastfeeding fan - my nearly two year old is still BF and I love it. But every family/baby is different and it isn’t worth tying yourself up in knots

I didn't breastfeed with either of my sons, I didn't really have any burning desire, it suited our family way better. DH worked part time and was going to be the main carer of the children as I was going back to work at 5 months.

Plus I had the added complication of my epilepsy medication. Technically the risks to my child were extremely low, but I knew I would worry the whole time, so my anxiety would sky rocket. Also I need my sleep to avoid seizures so DH would be doing a lot of the night feeds.

No regrets whatsoever, I got a few looks from a few mothers and SIL that I didn't breastfeed but by DS2 I grew some thick skin and thought they can fuck off. I still have an amazing attachment.

That said I there were some times when out and they were crying I wish I could just get my boob out! Instead of faffing with bottles etc.

Agh advise! Bloody phone (and that second glass of wine)

Also there’s a plus or down side to everything. Ok so no formula or sterilising on holiday but I could also microwave sterilise the bottle (mam) and my baby slept through from 7pm every night whilst I had a cocktail (not saying bf babies dont but the bf babies who were on the holiday with us didnt.)
Honestly, as a Pp said, there’s a plus and down to every side. Do whatever makes you the best mum.

Do whatever you want. I BF both of mine a year plus mainly because I'm a lazy cow & it meant not leaving the bed at night