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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bored by DH conversation and interests?

78 replies

changetherecorddh · 27/06/2019 06:03

It’s driving me mad and I need to know if IABU?

The first interest is football. He’s always been really into it, which is fine, I like it too. Nowadays though he just seems completely obsessed. He is constantly on his phone looking at football related trivia. My dm even commented a few days ago that he’s never off his phone looking at football stuff when we’re round there house) He’s always talking about it. We had a friend round yesterday and the second I leave the room at any point the conversation turns immediately to football. It makes me feel like he’s just waiting for me to leave so he can talk about it. Over the last few years he has replaced all his clothes so they are 95% football tops. I HATE men in football tops. I always have. I know he should dress in what makes him happy but I just don’t find his style attractive anymore. He’s also filled our downstairs toilet with football pictures and is currently collecting autographs of his favourite players and hanging them on the wall in there.

The second is Germany. He’s obsessed with the place and talks about it none stop. He must have mentioned it twenty times last night, speaking in a German voice, saying he wants to go to Munich/Ocktoberfest etc. Unfortunately I can’t join in his obsession because Germany is the only country I’ve been too that I didn’t really like much!

I am honestly bored to tears with it all. I feel like they are the only subjects that really interest him these days. It’s driving me insane!

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 27/06/2019 06:05

What are you interested in?

MrsElizabethShelby · 27/06/2019 06:06

Sounds like your relationship is coming to it's natural end. Sorry op

Suvin · 27/06/2019 06:08

How long have you been together?

BethanyGilbert · 27/06/2019 06:08

Go to Germany with him? You might enjoy it more and then he might talk about it less.

Original poster
changetherecorddh · 27/06/2019 06:09

Music, films, politics, our baby, our pets, my horse, fashion, my family, the world in general...

I’m not saying his interests are wrong but he’s bordering on obsessions with both now. He suffers from depression and I really wonder if it’s his fantasy escape from thinking about the realities of life. He used to be interested in music, now he rarely talks about it. He used to be interested in clothes/fashion/his appearance. Now he dresses in 50 identical football tops and couldn’t care less!

OP posts:
PetitTorteois · 27/06/2019 06:11

Do you do anything together at all? And what happens if you suggest doing something together?

Original poster
changetherecorddh · 27/06/2019 06:11

We’ve been together five years.

I’ve been to Germany twice. It was OK, but I didn’t really enjoy it that much. We’ve been to far nicer places imo.

God don’t say that @MrsElizabethShelby We’ve got a nine month old babySad

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 27/06/2019 06:12

Is he seeking help for his depression?

Shows poor social skills to talk frequently and at length about one topic, unless he’s with another big fan. I have a family member like this, and it’s tiresome!

Also rude to be on phone whole time when visiting family.

Have you spoken to him about it?

Original poster
changetherecorddh · 27/06/2019 06:13

@PetitTorteois we don’t do much together at the moment tbh. I don’t like leaving our baby and he’s got nothing to say to me half the time anyway so I find spending time with him frustrating. I try to start conversation and it just doesn’t go anywhere a lot of the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
changetherecorddh · 27/06/2019 06:16

@Loopytiles I’ve asked him repeatedly not to be on his phone around my family. He just says he’s not and that it doesn’t matter anywayConfused We we’re round last week and he basically sat in the living room staring at his phone while I fed the baby with my parents cooing over her. He never even looked up from his phone despite me repeatedly trying to get eye contact with him.

He’s on ADs and he’s been going for CBT. He says the CBT isn’t working though and tbh I can’t see any noticeable difference either!

OP posts:
Howlovely · 27/06/2019 06:17

Oh this sounds intolerable. It'd drive me mad too. Can you think of something he finds dull you could swat up on? Make up, the Kardashians, recipes, gardening, goat husbandry, etc, and every time he talks about football or Germany ignore his comment and instead blurt out a random fact about your new favourite topic. It might highlight to him what a terrible bore he has become or at least help him realise how annoying it is?

Original poster
changetherecorddh · 27/06/2019 06:22

@Howlovely Goat husbandry could be a winnerGrin

His third obsession are video games. He actually persuaded me to play one last night (I find gaming utterly dull) then proceeded to beat me every time in the sneakiest fashion. Hardly the best way to encourage me to playGrin

OP posts:
HarrysOwl · 27/06/2019 07:02

So he's obsessed with football, video games and is incredibly rude when visiting your family.

Gee...

For what it's worth, with CBT it's really about how much effort you put in. It gives you tools, but you have to put them to use. It's not a quick cure. If he says 'it's not working' then he's not employing the techniques.

AlaskanOilBaron · 27/06/2019 07:09

I agree that your relationship sounds.... doomed?

A baby can strain the best of relationships, sounds like you're with a man-child who is a bit of a dolt. Do you like him? Does he make you laugh? Do you fancy him?

I hate my husband sometimes but we have great conversation and he's hilarious so I manage. I couldn't deal with the football situation.

Vibiano · 27/06/2019 07:09

You might actually enjoy the Oktoberfest, it's fun and the weather is usually really nice. Make him wear lederhosen instead of a football kit!
Football would also bore me rigid.

AlaskanOilBaron · 27/06/2019 07:11

His third obsession are video games.

Oh god.

mustdrivesoon · 27/06/2019 07:12

As someone else has said - CBT only works if you try. It's not a magic pill, you have to want to do it and work at it. Sounds like he isn't.

LenizarLyublyu · 27/06/2019 07:15

I just got a new video game I'm pretty obsessed with tbh. But the rest would bug me.

Barbarafromblackpool · 27/06/2019 07:17

Sounds like the realities of family life are overwhelming to him and he's retreating into his interests. Nothing wrong with any of those hobbies/interests in themselves, but the obsession element is symbolic of the need to escape.

AlaskanOilBaron · 27/06/2019 07:19

Sounds like the realities of family life are overwhelming to him and he's retreating into his interests.

Good thing the OP has managed to cope or their baby would be pretty fucked, wouldn't she?

Weezol · 27/06/2019 07:21

Oh god, if he starts on about cycling, run for the hills Grin

Is he actually taking the ADs? As someone with depression, whilst it can lead you to do anti-social stuff, he actually just sounds selfish and dismissive of your feelings. Depression is not a free pass to being a cockwomble.

What contribution does he make towards looking after the DC and housework?

Being on the phone all the time when you have visitors is ignorant and disrespectful.

What would he do if you suggested that you have the wi-fi/Internet/console off for one night a week, or between 6am and 6pm on a Sunday?

CmdrCressidaDuck · 27/06/2019 07:22

God, I thought you were going to say you'd been married twenty-five years, not five. Being bored with him and his interests at five years is pretty grim, don't you think!

I suspect this is just him and he was toning it down when your relationship was newer. I don't really see this working out.

livefornaps · 27/06/2019 07:22

Sorry but the German voice bit made me laugh.

Just tell him he's acting like a complete weirdo and that you won't talk to him if he continues in this way.

It sounds godawful

Barbarafromblackpool · 27/06/2019 07:23

I'm not defending him! I'm giving an explanation as to why he might be like this. I have three children and wouldn't tolerate this for a second (and nor would I be with someone who likes football and gaming, but that's not relevant given this isn't about me). Perhaps if they talk about it he will realise how dull it is for her.

BogglesGoggles · 27/06/2019 07:25

I couldn’t tolerate that. I am generally fairly patient but if my husband turned into that I would be asking for either a divorce or an open marriage.

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