We are going to an open day in October and have to RSVP.
Dp and I are paying the school fees with some help from his family. Dd is not dp biological child but we have been togther since dd was a baby and they adore each other.
I had assumed that dp, I, dd and her father would go to the open day. Dp has said that as we are paying the fees he does not want dd biological father there. Dp says that if my ex goes dd will have two "dads" there which is confusing and he will be demoted to a spare part when in fact he is the one who puts in all of the effort in to dd and is paying the fees.
As some background my ex has fiddled his maintenance for years although he is now skint in reality and could not afford the fees. He has been a very unpleasant charactar in the past and is very unreliable in terms of contact. His contribution to dd present education is to turn up to one concert, he never goes to assemblies, sports days etc, dp says these are further reasons why dd biological father should not be allowed to go to the open day or attend the interview or any school events.
Dp also wants to put himself down as dd father on the form as he says it is less complicated and he is the closest thing dd has to a father in terms of reliability and contact. He says that it makes sense to have our names on the paperwork as the fees will be coming out of our bank account. My mum is in agreeance with dp but she is hardly unbiased as she adores dp and never liked my ex.
But I think that whatever my ex has done he is dd father and should be involved - if he wants to - in her education and that he is her biological father and therefore should be at any interview and his name should be on the form. I would be heartbroken if the roles were reversed and I was excluded from dd education because of financial constraints.