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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

''friend'' made me speechless ....

93 replies

BEhappy0320 · 26/06/2019 14:31

I feel so annoyed that someone can be so ridiculous.

So today was DD's class party and we parents were all invited to go see a show the kids put up. There were limited seats and we were all told no to leave empty seat. I saw a friend of mine who had two empty seats next to her, while approaching her she said to me ' I am saving this for X'. I was really shocked.

First of all, her friend X already had a sit right behind her.
Second, I thought we were friends. Even if we were not, 'saving seats' at this kind of situation is really inappropriate IMO.
So I didn't say anything and moved on. She later was told again by the teacher not to keep seats empty then she mumbled then moved, so others took the seats.

SO what bothered me is, this is someone that over the years, at her lowest time when she had to deal with divorce , I had gone out of my way to help her out, including numerous time help pick up her son at last minute notice, took his son for sleepovers (he is not really friend of my daughter), went to her house to listen to her moan about her situation many many times... go to help her with computer problems, etc...
And now she is telling me I can't be sitting next to her? Unbelievable!

Worst thing is: this weekend it's my turn to host a regular gathering and she is among the guests (this has been arranged long time ago). Don't feel like want to have anything to do with her again.
AIBU?

OP posts:

Chartreuser · 26/06/2019 14:33

OP. Do you work? If not it sounds like you need a hobby or something else to focus on, you seem way too overinvested over whether someone had saved you a seat. Sorry.

YABU

arethereanyleftatall · 26/06/2019 14:34

I think your reaction is a bit ott. She isn't saying that you're not her friend, presumably X asked her to save her a seat; and she was simply doing that. That doesn't mean she likes X better than you. Tbh if this happened to me I would have said 'ok' and thought no more about it.

Sunshine93 · 26/06/2019 14:34

It was rude. Didn't you just say X is right behind you so they don't need another seat?

Catmum26 · 26/06/2019 14:34

i think you’re being a bit over sensitive here. your friend is entitled to other friends and she had probably already told the other woman she would save a seat for her

MyOpinionIsValid · 26/06/2019 14:35

Not soomething I could get worked up about.

You werent privvy to a possible previous conversation, maybe X asked her to save the seat, then sat behind and your freind hadnt noticed ? Too many ifs-and-buts

SweetJasmine17 · 26/06/2019 14:37

I'd be annoyed too- but if this a one-off and she's generally a good friend, I'd just forget about it

TinselTimes · 26/06/2019 14:40

You’re overreacting. Massively.

X asked her to save a seat, she did. It would have been rude to agree to save a seat then give it away to you when there were still other seats available. Then she realised she wasn’t meant to be saving seats so she stopped.

She hasn’t done anything wrong.

MrsSpenserGregson · 26/06/2019 14:40

Oh I'd have been really annoyed and upset about this too OP!

The person she said she was saving the seat for clearly already had a different seat. Cow.

Original poster

BEhappy0320 · 26/06/2019 14:42

Thanks for all your quick replies.

I guess If it's someone I am not close did that, I wouldn't have any problems. But I felt hurt that I thought we were good friends.

Her friend X certainly didn't went out of her way to help her out as much as I did, we live on same street so was always one of the first to be called when she needed help, not just one-off, for several years. Just yesterday she asked me to help with a dead bird in her garden...

The point is I wouldn't treat a friend who has been so kind to me for years like she did...

So forget about this 'seats' incident, AIBU to now keep distance and start saying NO to her continue request of favors?

OP posts:

Readytogogogo · 26/06/2019 14:44

Well of course you can say no to favours if they're never reciprocated...

StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2019 14:46

Didn't you say "she's behind you"
(was it panto)
Are you saying you think she just didn't want to sit with you? What do you think her motivation was?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/06/2019 14:46

She was a bit rude/silly but you have massively overreacted. By all means decline to do her favours if they’re never reciprocated.

Original poster

BEhappy0320 · 26/06/2019 14:49

And the seat situation itself:
She had two empty seats next to her, and even one is 'saved' for X, what about the other empty one?
Lots of parents are coming in and all want to sit down asap, then you have someone taking extra seats and not letting others to use..
I am still a bit shocked...

OP posts:

Nofunkingworriesmate · 26/06/2019 14:49

Huge over reaction to her saving seats for someone
You don’t sound like you really like her as you see helping as a chore
If you really don’t think friendship is equal and you’re being used just be busy or out every other time she asks, maybe ask her to help you ?

StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2019 14:50

So what do you think was her motivation? General nastiness?

VivienneHolt · 26/06/2019 14:50

I think you’re overreacting. She’d obviously told someone she would save a seat for them and was trying to stick to that. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. This is a non-event.

Original poster

BEhappy0320 · 26/06/2019 14:53

StealthPolarBear Wed 26-Jun-19 14:50:01
So what do you think was her motivation? General nastiness?

I really have no clue... thus the shock...

OP posts:

TheInvestigator · 26/06/2019 14:53

So she was saving one seat, but there were 2. Why didn't you just sit in the 2nd seat? Or tell her that her friend was behind her.
She obviously didn't know the other woman was behind her. And she only told you that she was saving one seat... You should have just sat down in the other seat.

Are you a very young mum? Because you sound like you aren't much older than a teen. It's very silly and pathetic behaviour. Who gets this angry because they can't sit in one seat? Just sit in the other one!

Tucobenedicto · 26/06/2019 14:53

YOU ARE STILL A BIT SHOCKED.....FFS get a grip

StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2019 14:54

So why not assume idiocy/misunderstanding but no malice? Surely if she's a friend you would assume she wasn't out to upset you?

noonarna · 26/06/2019 14:55

Grow up OP. I doubt she even thought twice about this and there's no maliciousness behind it.

Imagine from her point of view - a friend text me to say save me a seat, another friend approached so I just let her know the seat next to me was taken, then she got really angry and moved away. I didn't spot the original friend had already gone in. Now I'm excluded from events!

You're being really OTT

WhatchaMaCalllit · 26/06/2019 14:55

You lost this battle when you decided to move because you could see that X had already secured seating and you needed to say to your 'friend' "Don't be so silly Susan, I can see that X is sitting behind you." and then carry on and sit next to her or in the other empty seat. Then if she gets up to go sit beside X, you definitely have your answer. If she didn't move then you have a different answer and you could then have someone else sitting in the other empty seat between the two of you.

Also, you wouldn't be unreasonable to cut back on the favours that you have been willing to do for her.
"Sorry, I'm not able to help on this occasion" or some such.

Original poster

BEhappy0320 · 26/06/2019 14:57

Nofunkingworriesmate Wed 26-Jun-19 14:49:25
Huge over reaction to her saving seats for someone
You don’t sound like you really like her as you see helping as a chore
If you really don’t think friendship is equal and you’re being used just be busy or out every other time she asks, maybe ask her to help you ?

We got on well, not each other's bbf but certainly has been close enough for her to tell me lots of the dark things during her divorce.
I helped her as much as I could as I have a soft spot for her situation - according to her it was really shocking at times..

I value friendship and consider it's a mutual respect and understanding. This is why I am shocked she couldn't offer one of the two empty seats for me after everything...

OP posts:

Tallgreenbottle · 26/06/2019 14:57

GMtoBe · 26/06/2019 15:00

OP I mean this as kindly as possible but you need to move on really. It wasn't that big a deal. How you deal with her in the future is up to you but you are using way too much brain power on this.

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