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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

''friend'' made me speechless ....

93 replies

BEhappy0320 · 26/06/2019 14:31

I feel so annoyed that someone can be so ridiculous.

So today was DD's class party and we parents were all invited to go see a show the kids put up. There were limited seats and we were all told no to leave empty seat. I saw a friend of mine who had two empty seats next to her, while approaching her she said to me ' I am saving this for X'. I was really shocked.

First of all, her friend X already had a sit right behind her.
Second, I thought we were friends. Even if we were not, 'saving seats' at this kind of situation is really inappropriate IMO.
So I didn't say anything and moved on. She later was told again by the teacher not to keep seats empty then she mumbled then moved, so others took the seats.

SO what bothered me is, this is someone that over the years, at her lowest time when she had to deal with divorce , I had gone out of my way to help her out, including numerous time help pick up her son at last minute notice, took his son for sleepovers (he is not really friend of my daughter), went to her house to listen to her moan about her situation many many times... go to help her with computer problems, etc...
And now she is telling me I can't be sitting next to her? Unbelievable!

Worst thing is: this weekend it's my turn to host a regular gathering and she is among the guests (this has been arranged long time ago). Don't feel like want to have anything to do with her again.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 26/06/2019 15:01

Do you not think that it might be a simple case of her bumping into someone else who said save me a seat? It might not be her being mean to you or preferring the other person, it might just have happened and she might have felt unable to save any more seats for you (especially if you'd all been asked not to save seats).

Original poster
BEhappy0320 · 26/06/2019 15:01

TheInvestigator Wed 26-Jun-19 14:53:31
So she was saving one seat, but there were 2. Why didn't you just sit in the 2nd seat? Or tell her that her friend was behind her.
She obviously didn't know the other woman was behind her. And she only told you that she was saving one seat... You should have just sat down in the other seat.

Are you a very young mum? Because you sound like you aren't much older than a teen. It's very silly and pathetic behaviour. Who gets this angry because they can't sit in one seat? Just sit in the other one!

YES you are right about 'teen' thing. that's what I thought that only teens do 'I am saving this'....
And the things is she is at the first seat of that row and wouldn't move, so nobody can just budge in and take the seat.

OP posts:
diddl · 26/06/2019 15:07

But if she was saving one seat you could have sat in the other couldn't you?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/06/2019 15:07

She didn't want you to sit next to her, did she.
She used the friend's name to say she was saving that seat for her, possibly not realising that the friend was already sitting behind her.

She REALLY didn't want you to sit next to her.

That's a very clear sign that something is wrong, whether it's in her head or not isn't really relevant. I wouldn't do anything about this current invitation, she may decide not to come to your hosting event (if she has any integrity) - but I'd think twice about getting involved with her in any future social interaction.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 26/06/2019 15:09

Seriously?

You are reconsidering a friendship over a saved seat?

noonarna · 26/06/2019 15:10

That's a very clear sign that something is wrong, whether it's in her head or not isn't really relevant. I wouldn't do anything about this current invitation, she may decide not to come to your hosting event (if she has any integrity) - but I'd think twice about getting involved with her in any future social interaction

honestly I'd give this advice to the other friend about the OP!! What a crazy reaction

YES you are right about 'teen' thing. that's what I thought that only teens do 'I am saving this'....

no OP, she means you are the one being a 'teen'

baconsandwichandanegg · 26/06/2019 15:10

I would've laughed and said 'you can't save seats', sat down and watched the show.

Only you know if she's a user. If you think she is, stop doing things for her, distance yourself.

Suvin · 26/06/2019 15:12

I think you’re overreacting. She’d obviously told someone she would save a seat for them and was trying to stick to that. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. This is a non-event

This ^. Honestly, OP, this is the kind of thing that ten year olds froth about on the bus home from school swimming.

LellyMcKelly · 26/06/2019 15:12

Surely she was saving the seats because x had asked her to. Don’t overthink it.

diddl · 26/06/2019 15:15

Did she even know that x was behind her?

So was she saving the seats on x's behalf for someone else then?

In which case as a pp said you should just have sat down-in the one not next to her!

Runningonempty84 · 26/06/2019 15:15

It must be exhausting to be "speechless" and "shocked" over something that most people wouldn't even have clocked. I'd have just sat elsewhere and not given it a second thought.

In the kindest possible way, OP - do you have a lot of time on your hands? Because you've expended a lot of emotional energy here on what seems a non-issue.

knitpicker · 26/06/2019 15:19

OP, I would have been hurt too and I think people here must have very thick skins. Of course you will get over it but i would have been upset in your shoes.

RonnieScotts · 26/06/2019 15:19

A bit rude, yes...but I wouldn't have given it another thought. I really find it strange you're still giving this any headspace at all.

Original poster
BEhappy0320 · 26/06/2019 15:26

I love this AIBU board as my seemingly silly concerns get nicely answered and analyzed. Totally awesome! Grin

To those of you who showed sympathy towards me: thanks and it did make me feel better;

To those of you who told me to stop overacting: thanks and that's what I am gonna do. Yes I am probably overacting - it's not a big deal, I don't really care where I sit, especially whether or not next to her (although reserve my feeling that's a bit rude IMO)

And yes I work part-time, today is the day off. Now off to garden centre - flowers and plants always make me happy so yeah!

OP posts:
sonjadog · 26/06/2019 15:32

X said to her "Can you save me a seat beside you?", so she saved a seat. You walked in and asked her about the seat beside her and she said no because X had asked before you. Surely you see that this is entirely normal behaviour and nothing to do with her feelings towards you at all.

I don´t understand why you didn't seat on the second seat?

Bouledeneige · 26/06/2019 15:33

Wow. You sound really petty. Total over think, over reaction.

This is why I went back to work pretty sharpish. The parents behaving like schoolkids.

Suvin · 26/06/2019 15:34

Look, maybe she was just flustered -- someone had asked her to keep a seat, or two people had, and other people were hearing the staff say no seat-keeping was allowed, and then people other than the people she was keeping them for kept asking if they could sit there...?

People come on Mn all the time and talk about how easily they get thrown off balance by minor social situations, and some people, as I've also learned on Mn, find minor encounters with other school parents very stressful.

I certainly wouldn't see it as some declaration of lack of liking, or conscious rudeness.

StealthPolarBear · 26/06/2019 15:36

Enjoy your garden centre :)
For the rrcord: op has admitted she may have over reacted somewhat

SummerInSun · 26/06/2019 15:40

Another vote for you overreacting and reading something into it that wasn't there. Constantly for school events one parent will say to a friend that they aren't going to be able to get there early (usually because they have to drop another DV at another school/classroom) and can the friend save them a seat. The friend is then put in the awkward position that your friend was in of having to try to reserve a seat that other people keep trying to sit on. I hate when other parents ask me to save them a seat, but it happens a lot.

Personally I think your friend has more right to be hurt that you didn't take the second seat, leaving the "saved" seat free between you, and chat away over the gap.

If anyone is in the wrong here, it is the parent who asked for a seat to be saved for her, not your friend who was presumably just trying to do that parent a favour (and probably felt awkward about it too).

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/06/2019 15:41

I think only thumb and I are reading the same Op! She didn't want you to sit next to her, which isn't very nice. I wouldn't lose sleep over it, but would cut back favours.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/06/2019 15:47

I can't imagine where all these posters are getting the idea that this woman was ASKED by X to save her a seat. X was sitting right behind this woman so surely if she'd ASKED the woman to save her a seat, she'd have either sat in it, or told her she was sat behind her!!

So clearly she didn't ask the woman to save her a seat, and the woman was using X as an excuse to stop the OP from sitting with her.

pollypenguin01 · 26/06/2019 15:57

You seem to be wholly fixated on her behaviour rather than actually listening to what people are telling you about your behaviour.

You are being childish and need something more to think about/focus on. If you continue to react in this way to perceived slights then you’ll end up having an aneurism by the time you’re 30.

Chill out!

Even if she was being nasty just ignore her and by all means don’t do anything else for her if you feel so strongly about it but quite honestly to still be ‘shocked’ is rather pathetic.

FightingForSMsEverywhere · 26/06/2019 16:00

Jesus, all this school gate crap is so petty, it puts me off having a child.

slashlover · 26/06/2019 16:01

I can't imagine where all these posters are getting the idea that this woman was ASKED by X to save her a seat. X was sitting right behind this woman so surely if she'd ASKED the woman to save her a seat, she'd have either sat in it, or told her she was sat behind her!

X - "The concert tomorrow should be fun."
Y - "I didn't know you were going, can you save me a seat X?"
X - "No problem!"

The next day X saves the seat but Y decides to sit somewhere else. X doesn't notice.

NKFell · 26/06/2019 16:05

You're acting weird OP, it's not a big deal just chill.