To be pissed at my friend for asking for money towards her drinks?

[SuperProbably]

Its an essay folks, grab a cuppa...

So ive just got back from a girlie weekend away here in the UK. There were 6 of us in total but only 4 of us drinking. We had all contributed to a shopping kitty but we had decided we would bring drinks seperately as it wasnt fair to the 2 non-drinkers to be adding alcohol into the kitty. The 4 of us had conferred beforehand about what everyone was in the mood for drinking or what we would be drinking. I said i was bringing about 4 bottles of various wines and 1 spirit. My friend 1 mentioned she will be bringing prosecco. She ended up bringing about 5 bottles and friend 3 bought gin. The fourth bought cans of Carling for herself. Anyway, turned out we ended up with alot more booze than we needed, a friend who couldn't make it gifted us a bottle and the hosts of the airbnb gifted us a bottle of wine too. friend 1 was the one who was pretty much opening and pouring the drinks all weekend. When we were leaving and packing up i noticed none of mine had been touched and friend 3's gin hadnt been touched either. Friend 1 asked us both to contribute to her prosecco because she said she couldn't really afford to cover 5 bottles but didnt mind covering about 3 of them. To top it off she said she wouldn't be asking friend 4 for any as she feels she didnt really drink any of it. Just to confirm she did drink plenty of it but only on the one night because she over did it and couldnt stomach any the following night. Friend 1 is majorly sympathetic to friend 4 because she suffers from depression and has told her shes struggling with money many times so i think deep down thats why she didnt want to ask her.

Myself and friend 3 were really put out by her request. We assumed the drinks were a potluck type of situation. The whole reason id bought bottles with me was so that i wouldnt have to spend more money when i got there. And i even offered my unopened bottle as recompense but she declined. If i had known i would have to reimburse her for drinking hers i wouldnt have touched them and stuck to my own instead. Its not like we helped ourselves to her bottles she poured them for us! The thing is if mine had been emptied i wouldnt have asked for people to compensate me because the whole reason i bought them was for them to be enjoyed by everyone.

As a bit of background, it was friend 1's hen last year, we organised a weekend away for her which she didnt shell a penny out for as per usual custom and we genuinely loved showering her with the celebrations. We all did the same booze potluck situation and at the end of the weekend some people had booze left over and some didnt. Nobody asked anyone to reimburse them for their bottles because we had all budgeted for it. This weekend was supposed to be our friend 1's way of thanking all of us for throwing her an amazing hen weekend. She wanted to take on all of the planning for it but she ended up making me feel really crap which kind of ruined what she was trying to do for us. As i dropped her off to the train station (after also picking her up and driving her around all weekend as well as others) she said i dont need to give her anything because ive driven them everywhere and she owes me petrol money which i would never ask for. Im the only one that drives and am often ferrying people around. But my issue is though that seems like we're square, she should never have asked for what she did in the first place. We've been friends for 20 years and shes made me feel so awkward with such an ill thought comment i feel like im questioning everything. I dont know whether to mention it to her or let it go for the sake of our friendship? AIBU with how shes made me feel? Or was she right to do so? I feel like if shed mentioned it from the start we wouldnt have been so taken aback. The whole weekend was poorly communicated in terms of money. Instead of telling us beforehand what to budget etc for the shopping she just sprung it on us over lunch in a pub on the saturday. Also i think something else is adding to my ire, one of the girls couldnt make it in the end and we all had to pay a little more to cover her share for the airbnb. That wasnt a problem as it was only about £13 more. However a part of me wonders whether she took the extra amount off friend 4, as she had said to me she was worried about friend 4 being able to afford it a while ago, i never talk about my own money struggles but i think she thinks because im a SAHM and we own our own house and run 2 cars im immediately financially better off than the single friend who lives alone in a rented flat.

Sorry for the essay guys, i dont know why i cant shake this. I feel like its changed our relationship now. I always treat friends with trust regarding money. Sometimes one buys coffees one time and the other gets it the next time but this friend has never been like that and its making me take stock of it all which i never would have done had she not made me feel like this.

Would love to know anyone else's thoughts. I should probably just get over it i know

You said she was treating you to a nice weekend, but you paid for it so I don’t really understand!

If she was treating you (either by paying more or by doing all of the organising etc) then I think it makes it even cheekier that only her alcohol was drunk. I get that she was pouring but 1) why weren’t you all sharing that job and 2) it must have still been obvious to you that only her stuff was being used, and you could have insisted on drinking you own to avoid the issue.

she said she couldn't really afford to cover 5 bottles but didnt mind covering about 3 of them.

So why did she buy and take five, then? Was she taking two of them along just for the ride?

I think you have all been a bit unreasonable. In a 'bring a bottle' situation you should take along what you want to drink yourself, but with a view to sharing. If you'd all wanted Prosecco, you should have brought Prosecco. However, taking 5 bottles and then saying you only intended 3 of them to be drunk is just nonsense.

Next time, have a kitty for all those who'll be drinking, put in the same amount and agree what drinks to buy in advance.

So you drank every bodies wine but your own and are now going home with all yours. Yes, you should offer to contribute to the person whose alcohol you did drink. It was nice that you offered a bottle of wine but if she doesn't like that kind of wine then it would not be a fair swap.

gift her some of your left overs

your friend still went home with 2 bottles and could have had a 3rd if she wasnt being a cf looking for money, when she was due you petrol money!
I'd just let it go and next time make sure you stick to your own alcohol to save any moaing later

Am I correct to take from all of that, that you took all your booze home, undrunk? But you drand your friend's prosecco? Then YES, you should contribute towards it.

OP why didn't you want to drink any of your wine ?...was it shit ?

gift her some of your left overs
FFS - did you miss this bit - And i even offered my unopened bottle as recompense but she declined.

I'm not sure if half the posters actually bothered to read the OP!

To be fair, I think that's on the OP. It could be a hell of a lot shorter and clearer, and if you want good answers, it helps to frame the question well!

I would have thought that all of the alcohol brought would be placed together on a table for people to help themselves or pour for each other. If she kept sharing her own bottles maybe she didn't like to open other people's and was waiting for someone else to crack open theirs and offer it around. Maybe she thought we'll start with prosecco then move to other drinks but no-one offered. Just sat there accepting hers.

Amongst friends all fine ...providing those who have accepted her all weekend presented her with a large share of the rest. If I had drank someone else's alcohol all weekend I wouldn't expect to simply load mine back in the car and go home regardless of how much or little friend 4 had provided.

Maybe she thought you should have offered your own alcohol during the weekend and definitely at the end of it without her having to ask and asked for money because there was no sign of the other alcohol being offered before she asked for a monetary contribution.

I kind of see where she's coming from although I would never actually ask my friends for the money...I would just quietly be annoyed 😅 I would probably have just suggested that next time we could drink what was left and I wouldn't bring any drink. 5 bottles was over the top tho - that is kind of her own fault she spent so much...

Not sure why she was the only one serving the wine even if she is the 'host' of sorts in this situation I would have thought every one can get up, open a bottle of theirs, insist it's not just hers being drunk etc. When you bring petrol money and mileage into it the tit for tat gets even more complicated. If she took some other bottles of wine home then that should compensate.

Next time do it differently. If you now think she's hard done by then send her a voucher for Majestic Wine or something.

I would offer to contribute if we did a drinks kitty and I saw that 5 bottles of someone's had been drunk and nothing else and everyone was taking their drinks back home. Because essentially what's happened is she has bought drinks for everyone for the entire weekend. She has funded the whole alcohol herself alone.

It's like if you had an evening meal and you had four set meals. Yet one person put the money in to cover all of them.

Or you did a meal at home and you were like: person 1 bring sandwiches, person 2 bring salad, person 3 bring crisps, person 4 bring veggies. Yet you just had the sandwiches and everything else was returned. I'd want to give a little bit of money to cover that.

This is no different from going to the pub and one person paying for all of the rounds for the entire weekend. For what it's worth when I've been in situations like this, you always bring what you want to drink i.e. I'd bring say 3 coronas if that was what I wanted, if someone else drank all of them I'd be a bit miffed!

So everyone drunk all the Prosecco that she bought and then took home the undrunk alcohol that they contributed? I can see why she'd be a bit pissed off to be honest.
Ok so you offered her some of yours but maybe she doesn't like what you bought?

OP you got yourself a weekend of free booze...Who's in front ?

In future just buy Prosecco- that's what you all seem to like ( except the woman who brought her own Carling cans ).

DO any of you who have commented read? The op says that friend 1 poured the drinks all weekend, they had nothing to do with it. So surely friend 1 has to take responsibility for her actions, she is the one who should have opened other bottles Maybe she got fed up waiting for someone to offer her some of their drinks and felt cheeky opening their bottles? I don't know the etiquette as I don't drink so that might not apply.

I would have absolutely no problems if my close friends drank all my booze with me on a weekend away. We are friends! I’d be a bit miffed if say, at a party, people I didn’t know were drinking my booze, but friends I am close enough to go away with for a weekend, they can share away.

We would make sure that next time we drank someone else’s drinks. It all works out over time. And if she couldnt afford to share the drinks, she shouldn’t have took so much with her, or taken cheaper alternatives to share- I would always have assumed that drinks would become a bit shared at this kind of thing. My friends would only have one bottle of processco open at a time and would share it till it was gone then one another. We wouldn’t all open our own individual bottles of it at the beginning of the night. I think that’s a bit strange!

Had you taken random dusty bottles of wine you’ve had hanging around, whereas her Prosecco was shop fresh?

I'm getting confused. Its a bit like a school maths question
Libby brought 5 bottles of fizz (quality unknown) Everyone drank them. Libby was offered 2 unused wines and was offered but refused a further bottle of fizz (quality unknown) by SuperP
She wants SuperP and Emma but not Hard Up Sarah to pay x amount in compensation,
Libby is feeling wtf.. I brought 5 bottles. Everyone drank them and took home their own. She feels a bit miffed. Understandably.
I reckon that ultimately Libby is out of pocket by 3 bottles minus the amount she drank herself.. (2 bottles?) so there's probably only one bottle left in play..
Libby agrees Super P drove everyone around all weekend and hasn't asked for petrol.
If the petrol (divided by 4 and then x3 for precision's sake) comes to more than the cost of one bottle of fizz then I think SuperP is in the clear.
SuperP has two options. Sling Libby a tenner to shut her up so everyone can move on.. or tell her how much the petrol cost and set it against the cost of her share of the fizz.
Now my brain hurts and I'm going to have a lie down.

I'd let it go, if you can. I can sort of see where she's coming from - my (ex) friend brought a bottle of prosecco to my 40th, drank everything else in sight, then took her unopened bottle home with her!! BUT from what you've said about ferrying her around, and it supposedly being a 'thank you' from her to you all, I don't see why she made such a big deal out of it. She was willing to cover the cost of 3 bottles but not the other 2? Tesco do Prosecco for £8 a bottle … can't understand why people are willing to sour a supposedly happy occasion over less than £20. I bet it's left a bad taste in your mouth as you have clearly not been penny pinching every time you drive someone somewhere!

Mary Ann they were shared until it came to taking them home at the end of the weekdn, then they reverted to original owner.
I do take previous posters points thought, she did take some home.

Under the circumstances, she sounds reasonable. You all drank only her alcohol all weekend. In fact, you should have thought of it yourself and offered her the money.

She wanted you all to go on this weekend as a way of thanking you all after paying for her hen. I would take that would to mean she intended to make some kind of gesture like stumping up for the majority of the booze and some nice soft drinks for the non drinkers at the very least or taking you out for a meal.

To recap she brought 5 bottles of booze worth around £25 total and returned with 2 bottles of booze worth probably £10 and declined to take your bottle of booze worth around £5. As a result, she could have spent £25 and returned with approx £15 of booze. As is, she returned with £10.

Therefore unless there is a massive drip feed, she showed her massive appreciation to her devoted hens by spending a whopping £5 each on the drinkers and diddly squat to the 2 non drinkers. That is, unless she took you all out to lunch or something? Bought you an ice cream each? A penny sweet even??

Did she give you a thank you gift each at the wedding??

As I say, drip feed aside, it sounds as though this was another way of pushing you all to spend your money whilst ensuring she paid as little as possible.

YABU, you should share out the cost of the booze consumed.

You are also being unreasonable in saying "To be pissed at my friend for asking for money". You mean pissed OFF, though I do appreciate you were all probably very pissed too.