Its an essay folks, grab a cuppa...
So ive just got back from a girlie weekend away here in the UK. There were 6 of us in total but only 4 of us drinking. We had all contributed to a shopping kitty but we had decided we would bring drinks seperately as it wasnt fair to the 2 non-drinkers to be adding alcohol into the kitty. The 4 of us had conferred beforehand about what everyone was in the mood for drinking or what we would be drinking. I said i was bringing about 4 bottles of various wines and 1 spirit. My friend 1 mentioned she will be bringing prosecco. She ended up bringing about 5 bottles and friend 3 bought gin. The fourth bought cans of Carling for herself. Anyway, turned out we ended up with alot more booze than we needed, a friend who couldn't make it gifted us a bottle and the hosts of the airbnb gifted us a bottle of wine too. friend 1 was the one who was pretty much opening and pouring the drinks all weekend. When we were leaving and packing up i noticed none of mine had been touched and friend 3's gin hadnt been touched either. Friend 1 asked us both to contribute to her prosecco because she said she couldn't really afford to cover 5 bottles but didnt mind covering about 3 of them. To top it off she said she wouldn't be asking friend 4 for any as she feels she didnt really drink any of it. Just to confirm she did drink plenty of it but only on the one night because she over did it and couldnt stomach any the following night. Friend 1 is majorly sympathetic to friend 4 because she suffers from depression and has told her shes struggling with money many times so i think deep down thats why she didnt want to ask her.
Myself and friend 3 were really put out by her request. We assumed the drinks were a potluck type of situation. The whole reason id bought bottles with me was so that i wouldnt have to spend more money when i got there. And i even offered my unopened bottle as recompense but she declined. If i had known i would have to reimburse her for drinking hers i wouldnt have touched them and stuck to my own instead. Its not like we helped ourselves to her bottles she poured them for us! The thing is if mine had been emptied i wouldnt have asked for people to compensate me because the whole reason i bought them was for them to be enjoyed by everyone.
As a bit of background, it was friend 1's hen last year, we organised a weekend away for her which she didnt shell a penny out for as per usual custom and we genuinely loved showering her with the celebrations. We all did the same booze potluck situation and at the end of the weekend some people had booze left over and some didnt. Nobody asked anyone to reimburse them for their bottles because we had all budgeted for it. This weekend was supposed to be our friend 1's way of thanking all of us for throwing her an amazing hen weekend. She wanted to take on all of the planning for it but she ended up making me feel really crap which kind of ruined what she was trying to do for us. As i dropped her off to the train station (after also picking her up and driving her around all weekend as well as others) she said i dont need to give her anything because ive driven them everywhere and she owes me petrol money which i would never ask for. Im the only one that drives and am often ferrying people around. But my issue is though that seems like we're square, she should never have asked for what she did in the first place. We've been friends for 20 years and shes made me feel so awkward with such an ill thought comment i feel like im questioning everything. I dont know whether to mention it to her or let it go for the sake of our friendship? AIBU with how shes made me feel? Or was she right to do so? I feel like if shed mentioned it from the start we wouldnt have been so taken aback. The whole weekend was poorly communicated in terms of money. Instead of telling us beforehand what to budget etc for the shopping she just sprung it on us over lunch in a pub on the saturday. Also i think something else is adding to my ire, one of the girls couldnt make it in the end and we all had to pay a little more to cover her share for the airbnb. That wasnt a problem as it was only about £13 more. However a part of me wonders whether she took the extra amount off friend 4, as she had said to me she was worried about friend 4 being able to afford it a while ago, i never talk about my own money struggles but i think she thinks because im a SAHM and we own our own house and run 2 cars im immediately financially better off than the single friend who lives alone in a rented flat.
Sorry for the essay guys, i dont know why i cant shake this. I feel like its changed our relationship now. I always treat friends with trust regarding money. Sometimes one buys coffees one time and the other gets it the next time but this friend has never been like that and its making me take stock of it all which i never would have done had she not made me feel like this.
Would love to know anyone else's thoughts. I should probably just get over it i know 