To wonder how life changes with children?

[Justanamechange2]

I’m in my early 20s, in a long-term relationship. I’m at that age where I’m starting to think more seriously about the prospect of having children, in the nearish future.

It’s made me wonder: does life feel more fulfilled and exciting again with children? Does Christmas become more exciting again? Do you have more fun with birthdays, holidays, etc? I fully grasp the idea that things would become much more hard work with children, but surely in a rewarding way. Do you enjoy and appreciate life more, or in a different way?

I’m very interested to hear different views!

They've shat all over the life I had before, but that's okay

I would buy a cushion with this embroidered on it

Everything changes, yes Christmas is magic aga

Having a child changed me completely and undoubtedly for the better. I had a great life pre-DC but I've always had a slightly depressive personality, overthinking everything, bored easily, slightly lazy and a tendency to stare into space and feel like life was a bit meaningless and hopeless. I was nervous that I would be a bad and apathetic mother and not be able to cope.
But having my son completely focused my mind. I expected to suffer from PND but it was the total opposite, I finally had something in my life that was totally meaningful and all encompassing.
It made me feel alive and I love being a mum, nothing compares to the love you feel for your child.

I think the structure really helps me. I HAVE to get up on a Saturday as my DS is up and once I'm up I get going. I HAVE to plan activities and get out the house, and watching him enjoy them is so much more fulfilling than enjoying things myself. I HAVE to make healthy food, and once I do it I enjoy it.
Don't get me wrong, it is very hard work at times and my baby was far from easy, but I do think being a parent can affect you in ways you wouldn't necessarily expect (just my experience obviously)

All my foreign holidays have stopped, I party less, eat out less and buy fewer clothes, BUT I still enjoy life, see friends and socialise. Life with a child is good in my experience

The one part of my life that took a total nose dive was my relationship with my husband but we are now getting that on track. I am now pregnant with DC2 and I will be very careful not to let that happen again this time.

@Theknacktoflying
Thank you for this!

I just don’t want one to come along before I feel I’ve done the things I want to do. For me, that’s to complete my studies so I can finally pursue my career, and live for a couple of years spending my disposable income on myself!

I have one daughter she is 5 since the day she was born shes been my main concern she didnt sleep through the night for 5years like up nearpy all night every night i had post natal depression my hisband was ill we dont have sex everytime we get xlose she wakes up right now shes having a tanturm cos shes hungry im collect ling her dad from work and shes stressing me out i work when shes at achool and i am with her all the rest of the time shes hard work and shes is a typical child selfish . She is my life now everything revolves round her. She had a blood test and something was rpund i didnt sleep with worry for 2 weeks I ever thought having children would change like much but it blows it apart and its never the same its sweet when people try and pretend it doesnt change amd when people without kids pretend it wont change them.

They made me love Christmas again. My life is so much fun. On PND I would say make sure you get out every day and join a baby group. I thought no sleep would be the hardest part but I literally didn't bat an eyelid. Anxiety was the hardest thing for me but in the first year I had what I have since heard called the baby pinks. I was deleriously happy but madly sterilising remote controls and door handles and my hand were red raw from washing them. Still the best thing I ever did by a mile.

My kids make me laugh almost everyday. That’s a very good reason to have kids.

OTOH, When they were babies/toddlers, they cried. A lot. I remember when DD turned 4, thinking ‘in the last 4 years there hasn’t been a single day that no one has cried in this house’.

The lack of sleep in the early years can be like torture, especially if you work FT in a demanding job.

Children are their own beings, I have no idea why DD is into Ancient Greece and DS loves volcanoes- it’s fascinating to see a human being ‘made’ and evolving.

Christmas is way more fun.

When they’re older, they take the piss out of you, which is good for humility.

Once you lose your parents, children give you a sense of continuity in life. I find that peaceful and comforting.

Everything changes, yes Christmas is magic again but it's also a disappointment because most of the time you put in loads of work and your kid isn't bothered or boots off and shits all over your plans.

Everything is harder, when they're little leaving the house is more difficult than you can imagine.

I found the baby stage awful and really struggled, I wasn't prepared at all for the reality of a baby. From about 3 it got better but still a completely different world to pre-dd.

Suppose it can't be all bad as we're expecting a second!

They change everything. Before children you can go "oh I've run out of milk", grab your keys and purse and go buy some, with a baby a two minute trip to the shop becomes a major expedition. Spontaneous is no longer a word in my vocabulary but like many PPs I wouldn't swap my gorgeous boy for anything.

"I fully grasp the idea that things would become much more hard work with children"

I'm sorry op, but it's such a huge life change that I'm afraid it's impossible to grasp exactly how much harder things will be. The newborn stage especially took my fiancé and me both completely by surprise, nothing can prepare you fully for it!

Having said that, nothing can prepare you for how amazing life will be either (cheese alert I know!). I love my 10 month old son with a love that I never knew existed before and he fills our lives with joy. Being a mummy feels like an incredible privilege

I actually became less isolated when I had a baby. Met people at antenatal classes, toddler group, childminder's, later nursery and school, became part of the community in a way I'd never been before. After a few years, it wasn't just the people I knew, it was also the people my children knew.

Yes to Christmas and all that, but also the tiny things you don't notice as you go about your adult life. A ginger cat on the pavement that might just be a lion. A puddle on a wet day. A funny-shaped stick in the park.

You’re fucking knackered for 18 years then look in the mirror and think Shit I’m old

I love my children, but it’s a fucking slog. The joy of Christmas is about 0.0000009% of the experience

“Children are a great source of joy. Unfortunately, they turn every other source of joy to shit.”
I don’t know who said this but it entirely sums up children for me. The children are amazing. Probably everything else is worse 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤣

I have a 6 month old and am currently on our first holiday, and it's hard, having to pack so many things for a day out, I need to take equipment to make up bottles, 2 dummys, muslin, cardigan in case hes cold, comforter cos he needs it to sleep , spare clothes, suncream, nappy bag, water, etc etc it's so much stuff to have to remember and prepare each day, I used to just have to get myself showered and dressed grab my phone and card and off I went but it's far from it now. Also we went on the beach, he was eating his hands which were covered in sand, then rubbing them on his face in his eyes, kept pulling his hat off, taking socks off and chucking them on busy paths...he's hard work, but we love him and we wouldn't change this for the world! It is hard no doubt about it, your life will turn upside down and nothing will be easy

I've always known I wanted to be a mum and they are such a joy. Christmas is totally different, I've always loved Christmas but did feel I was missing some little ppl to make it really special. Wouldn't change anything my life is more fulfilled with kids.

Holidays are totally different, fun yes but also hard work when they are little! What I didn't realise though was that you really don't get any time to yourself when u have children they are constant, when u do get some free time, u miss them 🙈 Popping to the shops with a baby is a pain, car seat to get baby strapped in and out of twice and a pram to do up just to get a pint of milk or whatever.

I was 31 when I had my first, would have liked to have been a couple of yrs younger. However, I had lots of luxury holidays to amazing places that would never happen now with children so enjoy ur childless time of freedom, travel, sleep, luxuries and time!

Surprised at people saying holidays are more fun with kids.
Recent holiday with 4 and 1.5 year old.
Moaning it was too hot out the pool, too cold in the pool, boring inside and the beach has too much sand on it. Trying to wrestle them so stay still enough to put suncream on them and getting it in their eyes. No one sleeping as they're out of their normal routine. Spending the time the baby napped batch cooking one of 2 meals she will eat. Spending an hour getting ready to go to the beach then having to leave after 10 min as one needed a poo and no toilets nearby.
I used to sightsee on holiday and read a load of books and eat lovely food. We managed one meal out as a couple and a few drinks after and the baby decided that's the night they would stay up for 3 hours and wake everyone up. Took about a week to organise packing and another to unpack

It had it's nice moments but I think I could quite happily kill someone just to have a few days to myself chilling and reading.

It turned out I was separated from everyone else on the plane and that 2.5 hours was one of the highlights

Don't do it. You'll never have freedom again. It's not worth it.

I’ve just had a baby and I adore him, no, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

But I do spend time thinking about the “old” me. The work me who earnt good money, lived by myself, holidayed with my girlfriends, nights out and care free. I miss making weekend plans and just going out indulging myself all weekend in my own hobbies. I loved the summer and going to events every weekend. I loved the feeling of independence earning my own money.

Now when I go back to work a huge slice of my income will be taken by childcare. If I don’t want to go back FT I’m be dependent on my husband, which troubles me.

I love being a mum (I appreciate it doesn’t sound like it) but so glad I established my career and waited until I’d lived until I had a baby.

I must say the part that's come as a surprise to me is that 90% of it is making them do things they don't want to do. I find myself wondering if I've got the energy to insist she does homework AND has a bath AND picks her shoes up off the floor and and and. Turning them into reasonable, polite, clean human beings just feels like such an uphill struggle. And I've only got one and didn't have her till I was 40!

Can I be a voice of dissent and say the only reason why my kids were good was because I was ready for them and had done all the things I wanted to do so it kind of mitigated the loss of independence and self determination and could enjoy things*

I think this is an important point. Not that I'd done all the things I wanted to do, but I'd had a fair old whack at it for almost 40 years. It was only that I was happy to take a step aside from moving countries at the drop of a hat and living on uninhabited islands and just pleasing myself and focusing on work etc etc that made the first couple of years bearable for me.

He's now seven and brilliant, but I never considered doing it again.

I do like having an excuse to do Lego though.

The biggest shock to me when I had DC was the constant worry about them. It doesn't change as they get older, in fact there's just more to worry about.

I really wanted children. But if I could go back and advise myself I'd say don't do it.

It's about 20% joy and 80% shit and drudgery. I have a child with ASD, so my life is one of violent meltdowns, and restrictions.

My career has suffered, my health and wellbeing and I'm just not happy. I'm quite resentful really of all the things I can't do. Like holidays, days out, nice Christmas etc.

We had our two quite close together (18 months), so for the first 4 or so years, it was just relentless.

It's hard to explain it. You have to do everything for them. Get them out of bed, feed them, clothe them, take them to the bathroom. Entertain them. Soothe them. Be present for them. They can't do anything alone, so it is just relentless. Add sleepless nights into the mix, and it can be very hard and thankless.

Mine are older now, and in the perfect small window of being much more self-sufficient, but without the worry of the teen years.

We are extremely lucky. Our DC are nice, well-behaved kids who get on well with each other, don't have any learning needs or behavioural issues, and they have nice friends. I have a fully on-board husband.

If just one of these things ^^ wasn't present, it would make life harder. If several of these things weren't present, life would be a struggle (to the extent of negatively impacting mental health) much of the time.

The thing is, you don't know what sort of hand you're going to be dealt, and much of it is down to dumb luck, much as we all might like to think we have superior parenting skills.

I would say - don't rush into it. Enjoy your 20s. There's the rest of your life for settling down and domesticity.