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Original poster

Can't control jealous at DP for going to Disney world without me and kids

125 replies

stripetights · 25/06/2019 15:16

My DP went to see his brother in America for his birthday which I had no problems with. He's also gone to a whole bunch of theme parks/ Disney places I didn't realise he'd be doing. We have two DC's under 5 and I've just found out I'm pregnant with dc 3. He's sending me a constant stream of pictures of him, his brother and his brothers partner all having fun in the sun and going to all these parks and I feel rude saying can you just f*cking stop showing off whilst im stuck working and looking after all the kids? Angry we didn't get an invite, angry at all the showing off. Don't even know where he's got the money for all this from. Calm me down PLEASE

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 25/06/2019 15:40

We weren't invited :/

And you didn't think this was shitty?

Praiseyou · 25/06/2019 15:41

To be honest, the fact that you weren't invited and you don't know anything about his finances would be much bigger problems to me than him going to Disneyland.

Rachelle11 · 25/06/2019 15:41

So he went to visit his family and is having fun? I don't see an issue. I guess my question would be did you want to go on the trip with him? And in that case why didn't you?

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 25/06/2019 15:43

Yeah I'd be letting him know he's not invited to come home.
Pissing off for a fun time knowing you're not invited is scum tier behaviour and I doubt you'd want to be associated with a scum tier person.

Butterflyone1 · 25/06/2019 15:43

Perhaps he is feeling guilty about leaving you and is sending you pictures so he thinks you'll feel 'involved'.

I travel lots on my own without DP and he is always asking me to send him pictures so he can see what I'm up to and so he feels involved with my travels.

I think there seems to be bigger issues here than just the trip. Did you expect him to go see his brother and say indoors all day? Of course he's going to go out and have fun!

Instead of being jealous, why don't you explain that you're feeling left out and say you hope he has a nice time. If you tell him to stop showing off and he then doesn't message you, you'd just be annoyed with him ignoring you.

Perhaps it's your hormones that are making you feel this way too? You must have agreed it was ok for DP to take the trip so why didn't you ask about being invited then?

You have to think it might not have been possible for you and two DC to also stay with DPs brother so you may have had to pay for hotel etc.

SummerInSun · 25/06/2019 15:46

I actually think his behaviour is fine as long as you get to do the same (not necessarily Disney but whatever you want). So when he gets back, you say "I'm glad you had a great time, now it's my turn to have a trip away while you look after the kids, before DC 3 arrives". Arrange something with a family member or friends or just go on your own somewhere for peace and quiet. You sound like you could really do with the break, understandably. Each of you need to gift each other some time for yourselves while the other looks after the kids, in a caring way and not a resentful way.

Suvin · 25/06/2019 15:47

Honestly, I'd be aghast I was married to an adult who thought Disney was something you did other than out of duty because your young children loved it.

I mean, it's tough on you being at home working and looking after two small children, and possibly feeling exhausted and ill, while he's on holiday -- but you agreed to it, presumably, and to the expenditure. Why does the theme park stuff make it so much worse?

honeygirlz · 25/06/2019 15:48

I would tell him to stop sending pics. If he didn’t want you and kids there then he has no business sending you pictures. Doubt you want to see him with Mickey Mouse.

TinaG90 · 25/06/2019 15:48

YANBU I got annoyed when my DP sent me a picture of the Papa John's pizza he ordered on Friday night with his mate when I was at work on a night shift with my fruit salad!!

ReanimatedSGB · 25/06/2019 15:52

It depends more on whether this trip of his means that you and DC get no holiday this year. If he's spent all the family money on a trip just for him than YANBU to be annoyed. However, if you agreed that he could go and visit his brother then fair enough for him to enjoy his trip rather than refuse invitations just because you are not there. Also, if you are pregnant, would you have been able to fly there and back anyway?

myohmywhatawonderfulday · 25/06/2019 15:52

I think you should distract yourself until you feel a bit calmer really as things like jealousy just create a cascade of other nasties.

You feel how you feel but feeling can pass if you acknowledge them and let them go.

The situation is what it is. If you love him why would you want to make him feel down when he is so happy?

Disney is not going any where and you will get other chances. This is not it forever.

You presumably agreed together that he was going to be able to go on the trip and so i think it’s a bit off to want to control what he does (I am talking activity wise obvs).

Re: not being invited it would have been possible to discuss alternative plans at the time. It’s too late now but you could have gone for a shorter time together and stayed in a house separate to his brother or gone on holiday all together in a different part of the country like NYC?

Maybe something to discuss if this ever comes up in the future.

solargain · 25/06/2019 15:53

I wouldn't do this and neither would dh. Your husband sounds like an arse.

JemSynergy · 25/06/2019 15:53

I have been to Disney several times over and love it. Therefore, I'd be annoyed if my husband hadn't invited me or our children!

PianoTuner567 · 25/06/2019 15:54

You said yourself you didn’t mind him going. So it’s the fun you’re objecting to? Did you want him to stay in and do nothing the whole time he’s there?

Also, isn’t he sending them to you to keep you involved, have contact, let you know he’s thinking of you?

I think you’re being unreasonable but understandably so when you’re stuck with two little ones.

Original poster
stripetights · 25/06/2019 15:54

He was only meant to be going to stop with his brother for a couple of weeks which I thought was enough as that in itself is expensive. I didn't know about all the Disney parks, we don't have much money, I definitely won't be able to go away and he won't be able to get any more time off work for a long time either. So we won't be able to go on a family holiday before the new baby is born, or even afford one

OP posts:
Booboooo · 25/06/2019 16:02

Again weres the money coming from??

Nancydrawn · 25/06/2019 16:06

Nope. It's one thing to go spend a couple weeks with a sibling who, I imagine, he doesn't see particularly often. It's another to do so at the expense of one's family.

Is he your partner or your husband, out of curiosity? Particularly if the former, I hope you haven't given up a career for kids; it doesn't sound like he's team-minded unless required to so be.

thegreenlight · 25/06/2019 16:10

Ouch, I’d be livid if my husband went to the happiest place on earth without me or the children. If you don’t have much money, I’d be doubly annoyed as I can assure you from experience, it’s also the most expensive place on earth! $5 a bottle of water, $15 for an alcoholic beverage. Is he always so selfish?

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 25/06/2019 16:13

He sounds selfish.

This isn't a relationship I could continue. It wouldn't be about Disney or the theme parks, it would be the fact that he knows you won't be able to have a family holiday because of his jolly away (as a single man).

It shows that his wants and needs come first.
I'd rather be alone.

Adversecamber22 · 25/06/2019 16:14

The Disney aspect is irrelevant it’s the fact it’s not affordable at all. How was it agreed between you that he would go?

burnoutbabe · 25/06/2019 16:15

I'm assume he is in LA rather than Orlando(where you'd have assumed this question would have come up before)
So parks would be £200 for a 2 day ticket, his brother if he lives there may have an annual pass anyway, loads of locals do.
So not a huge cost for 1 adult to attend.

Proteinshakesandtears · 25/06/2019 16:18

Are the kids his?

Was this arranged before the pregnancy?

Waveysnail · 25/06/2019 16:18

Perhaps his brother is footing the bill? The theme parks wouldnt be any good with young kids.

Apolloanddaphne · 25/06/2019 16:21

But surely you knew he would be going to do some fun stuff while away? If my DH went away i wouldn't expect him to do nothing. I fucked off to NY with my best friend and left my DH with 2 small children. He was pleased we went and did loads of stuff and had fun. We have since returned with him and our DD's. If your DH's brother is a local he will probably have cheap Disney passes anyway.

needsomesleepy · 25/06/2019 16:22

Calm me down PLEASE

Get a grip maybe?

Your DH is on holiday, with family, doing cool stuff because that's what you do when you visit family.

I can' believe you would be anything other thank pleased for him.

You sound like a jealous 10 year old.

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