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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being screwed over and what should I do/say? (A bit long)

42 replies

kyala · 26/07/2007 10:57

Ok I may be being a little oversensitive because I've only got about 7 weeks left of my pregnancy so thought it'd be a good idea to get a second opinion!

Basically I'm a dressmaker and a friend asked me, a couple of months ago, if I'd be able to make her wedding dress, of course I said "Yes" but she then said she only has about £100 to spare for it! (Last year I made one for £300 and that was scraping it as it was!) Anyway, she bought some of the fabric and has since paid me the rest of the money (in a couple of bits here and there) but I haven't actually started working on it because the wedding's next year and I don't want to do anything cos she wants to lose a load of weight first.

Anyway, yesterday she's asked me to make her bridesmaid dress too, which is great but the total price of the dress means that I'd only be paid £15 to make it!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure what to do as she's now actually quite a close friend (and I don't really have a lot of friends) and obviously don't want to let her down but also, obviously, don't want to spend loads of time working on 2 dresses that are going to take me weeks to make and not be paid what I'm worth for them.

Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? And what have they done about it?

Thanks

OP posts:

BabiesEverywhere · 26/07/2007 12:56

-We went through her wedding guest list and seating plan a couple of weeks ago, we're not on them!

FFS, she can't have it both ways...either you are a friend doing a favour and IF you were a friend you would have an invite. IF you are not doing a friend a favour, you should be getting paid proper money for your work.

I don't know what to suggest about the wedding dress, as you have agreed to do it. But I would give her a properly priced written quote for the bridemaid dress and ask if she still wants it...I bet she says no.

LIZS · 26/07/2007 12:59

Sounds liek a real bridezilla to have the table plan drawn up with the wedding over than 6 months away . What if someone can't come ! Maybe she'd deign to invite you to an evening do ?

Mumpbump · 26/07/2007 13:10

She sounds fairly cheeky to me and extremely insensitive to be going through guest lists and seating plans with you if you're not even invited, unless they are having a VERY small wedding, I guess. I think leaving it until after your lo has arrived is a good idea.

I remember trying to make a couple of pairs of curtains when ds was about 4-5 weeks old - it was horrendous as I just couldn't get enough of a break to have a good run at it! And dresses are way more time-consuming... So if I were you, I think I'd then say that you are finding dealing with the baby incredibly time-consuming and rather than risk letting her down on such an important part of the wedding, you think it would be better for her to find someone who is definitely able to do it. I wouldn't feel bad about declining - she can always get her mum to do it anyway!

collision · 26/07/2007 13:44

DO NOT DO IT!!!!

she is taking the mickey and the fact you are not even invited stinks!!!

Original poster

kyala · 26/07/2007 14:06

Yeah, think I might give it a few days and just let her know how I feel (after hours and hours of first practising in the mirror LOL)

It's just not right, I mean who else in their right mind (not that I'm in my right mind ATM LOL) would do 3-4 weeks of work for £50? (blows raspberry)

Sorted!

LOL@ bridezilla, love that, should call her that just to wake her up a bit (I know I wont though LOL)

OP posts:

cornsilk · 26/07/2007 14:25

I would make neither, she is taking the piss IMO. I would explain that you will be busy with the baby and are already getting stressed at the thought of making her dress for free.

MrsMcJnr · 26/07/2007 14:52

Sounds to me as if you need to make a quick decision here. Be straight with her, this is your business, you have costs and will have a new baby soon and your work has to make ends meet, it is all very well doing something nice for her, but she should pay at least pay you a decent amount for the bridesmaid?s dress. Be strong hon

greenday · 26/07/2007 20:33

Can't believe you're not invited to the wedding. She has the cheek!
Dump her. With friends like these, who needs enemies.

CarGirl · 26/07/2007 20:44

You have the perfect reason to say that you can't do it, how are you going to find the time with a newborn baby? I think I paid £50 just to have the hem taken up on my dress (it was 2 layers)..........

BarbieLovesKen · 26/07/2007 20:59

only read op, on one hand if she is a really close friend couldnt that be your wedding gift to her? For instance one of my close friends is a beautician and offered (I didnt ask) to do all make up for the wedding, she will be doing facials on myself and bridemaids for few months leading up to it, trials, make up on the day, tan and nails. This is really sweet of her - I told her I would definately pay whatever the going rate is but she is insistant that she is my friend, thats what they are for and wants to help me in my wedding preparations.
I have told her that she is not to dream of giving us a wedding gift but have the feeling she will. She is so sweet,a true friend.

On the other side of things, she is being unreasonable to assume you will basically do this for nothing, it would be different if it was discussed, you offered and were insistant, I think its very bad manners - is she being a friend? - I dont know - I think she is taking advantage particulary when you are expecting and we all know how expensive little ones can be. it is insensitive. I dont think you are being unreasonable

duchesse · 26/07/2007 21:11

I think she's taking the mick. I suggest you say you will not have time to do after the birth of the baby (quite probable), so you will make it now and she can have it altered should she lose weight before the wedding. I have in my mind the image of you like the little elves slaving away at the sodding dress in the week running up to the wedding, trying to juggle a newborn and an unreasaonable and demanding bride. I second the suggestion that you make it as a wedding present and refuse the insulting payment- at least you keep the moral highground- and make it now while you still ave time. If that arrangement irks her, maybe she will go elsewhere to get it done. (here's hoping...)

helenhismadwife · 28/07/2007 19:36

I know Im late posting but I only get chance to catch up at the weekend but have to say if she was a close friend then you would definately be going to her wedding, she is taking the mickey!!

I think you need to do what ever you do with your other customers, ie a quote and show her the cost and say that you will do it for 30% off or what ever you think is right, because while you are spending hours working on her dresses for nothing you cant work on dresses for other people who would pay you properly.

bettythebuilder · 28/07/2007 20:55

You're expected to make a wedding dress and bridesmaid dress for way under the going rate, and you wont even get to see them on the big day? that's a bit off, tbh.

However, since you've promised the wedding dress, I think I'd make that, plead 'lack of time due to baby' about the bridesmaid dress, and tell her that you'll need time to make your own dress to wear to the evening 'do'. You should at least get an invite to the party!

3andnomore · 28/07/2007 21:06

erm...she is a close enough friend for her to know, etc...and you consider her a close friend, but have not even ibeen invited to her weeding whielst she is happy to ask you to make those garments...not, I am a nice person, normally, but that is taking the micky...I thnk, sorry to say this, but she is using you...

ladygrinningsoul · 28/07/2007 21:07

Tell her you need to make the wedding dress now, because after the baby is born you won't be able to give your time for free any more as you will have to pay someone to look after the baby while you do the work. Tell her you don't think there is enough time to do the bridesmaid dress as well before the baby is born.

I used to make my own clothes and recut the patterns myself (i had a full time job at the time). All I have managed to do since becoming a SAHM after the birth of my son (and he is 3, mind) is a few alterations.

dal21 · 28/07/2007 21:31

definite NO to the bridesmaid dress.

her dress; little more tricky. You say the wedding isnt til next year, so at least 5 months away. My wedding dress was made in 6 weeks - she has plenty of time to get her dress sorted elsewhere.
I would say that if you dont want to back out - make the dress now and let her sort alterations due to weight loss nearer the time.
Or basically ask her to find someone else as with the baby coming you are starting to feel overwhelmed, want to focus energies on bub and the last thing you want to do is let her down at the last minute. Trust me - she still has heaps of time to get her dress sorted elsewhere.

I would personally enjoy your 7 weeks before the bub arrives resting - not making her dress IMO.

Original poster

kyala · 06/08/2007 22:26

Just a little update:
I set her straight about the BMaid dress and said that I wouldn't mind if she wanted to buy it elsewhere (Tiffany's got a sale on ATM)

She's bought one, lovely, and I'm glad I don't have to worry, anywho. . . .
She's now saying can we change the fabric of her dress to get the cost down a bit more (meaning that I will have to give her back some of the money she's given me)

It'll only be about £10 difference but it just seems really silly now!

I'm going to tell her that it's only £10 difference and if she really needs that whole £10 then I'll just have to give it to her (I set the price at £100 minimum, knowing that the cost will approximately be £50 for the fabrics etc and the original choice of fabrics actually came to just over that so I was taking a smaller cut anyway. . . .cos I'm such a good friend? Or just a freaking doormat?!!)

Anywho, thanks for the advice guys, definately helped me to realise that I'm the sort of friend that says "Yes" before taking into account the cost it will have on me!!

No more saying yes. . . .

OP posts:

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