My DD's friend's parents

[notanotherfucker]

My dd has a friend local to us, she is a lovely lass and she stays here most days. For the past few weeks we have fed her tea she's slept over most nights.

I don't mind as she seems to really like being here but her parents don't seem to mind, is this a bit odd?

How old? not in school?

Sorry they are 12 in secondary year 7

If relevant she apparently doesn't see her real mum, I don't know what's gone on but she lives with her dad, stepmum and loads of younger siblings. She comes here and starts tidying, says she has to do everything at home.

I just feel sorry for her so am trying to make her welcome but it's like all week nearly an extra person to feed and shower and sleep 😞

I said does your parents not mind, she says no they like me out of the way!

She also asks if she can join in my DD's hobbies, I said I would love to take her but it needs her parents to sign her up and it costs a lot...

Oh poor girl!
I'd want to support her as much as possible but maybe she can come round but then go home for tea. Maybe set some boundaries. It sounds like shes got a tough time of it though.
My dsd has a friend who has a busy household and I frequently feed her and have her to stay. She loves it here. I have no will power to say no

She says at her house she shares a room with 3 younger ones and is up all night with the babies, I am quite worried about her, she even stayed in exam week so she could sleep well.

I would but she hasn't had tea, we are dishing up she says no one is cooking at her house 😔

That sounds awful.
Could you talk to her parents?

I feel sorry for her not seeing her mum, she lives at the other end of the country! To make matters worse I've never met the parents, only seen them... If it were me I would be checking it was OK and thanking them!

Her dad and stepmum seem awful to be honest, don't work just smoke weed all day.

It doesn't sound normal. It does sound like she doesn't have it easy at home, and has realised that at your house she can behave like a 12 year old should.

If you have no welfare or safeguarding concerns then I would send her home and only have her to stay when it’s convenient for you. You can get her to ask her parents for the money for her to join in with your dd’s Hobby but even if they do agree to fund it, you will have to do all the running around.
You sound lovely but what happens if your dd and her have a falling out. It sounds as if you are, basically, parenting her. Do you really want that?

I don't mind parenting her really as she's no bother, she cleans the house even when I tell her there's no need, she's just so happy to be here. I feel really sorry for her and my dd likes her here, I can't say no.

I find it most odd the parents don't care and have never seen where she stays, and never offer money if we go out etc. Once we took her out and asked her to ask her parents for some money, they gave her £1

You've never met them, but know they smoke weed all day?
It is also possible that the child is lieing to you and her parents in order to do what she wants.

Drop her home one day and see for yourself, are you only going on what she tells you? Kids her age are prone to exaggerate or just plane lie!
How do you know that they smoke weed all day?

I know who they are as they live locally...

Oh this is awful. Poor girl. Could you speak to the school about it?

How can anyone lack the self awareness to even think ‘my kid is at their house all the time and it might not be convenient for them’.

I walk past the house most days, I see them sat outside the house

Chances are somethings wrong. Speaking from experience on both sides (child and friends parent)

It's probably exactly as the girl says - they're happy she's out the way as it's one less mouth to feed...

Why start another thread? I'm sure you had plenty of advice in your previous thread.

If you have any concerns about her or her siblings, report to the school or SS.

Quite honestly, I'd be contacting SS. You sound lovely, OP, but can you sustain feeding and housing another child? Also, why should you? It's a bit much, Imo, lovely tho it is of you.