My DD's friend's parents

[notanotherfucker]

My dd has a friend local to us, she is a lovely lass and she stays here most days. For the past few weeks we have fed her tea she's slept over most nights.

I don't mind as she seems to really like being here but her parents don't seem to mind, is this a bit odd?

I haven't posted before?!?!

About this anyway

Then there's someone else with the exact story

You've never spoken to them?

I would contact social services actually and continue to have the girl over as much as you are able to.

One of my son's friends stayed with us every weekend and most of the school holidays for about three years. I occasionally wondered if his parents had any misgivings about it but they appeared not to.

Everyone's different. I'd have been concerned if mine had never wanted to be at home whilst still at school.

It's not me I promise! Never spoken to them no, my oh did once and they were just really off with him. She's a neighbour. She said before her parents had told her to come over.

I don't mind as she's lovely, I really feel for her. I think it's sad she says if you let me stay I will clean your house. I say there's no need etc, she says she does everything at home

I don't think she's in danger at home, just neglected and they focus on their new family. Would ss tell them and what do I say? She's clothed etc, goes to school, she's just not loved or gets any attention.

She says they like me out of the way It is clear she is in the way of the new family. And SS will do nothing if her basic care needs are being met.

My eldest daughter’s friend had her own drawer of clothes at our house.

They did sports one or two days a week after school, from Y7/8 onwards, but she was here every night. Her mum thought they did loads of sports.

Her mum would pick her up about 7 every night. The truth came out years later.

They were just pals, they’re still in touch albeit on Facebook as their lives drifted apart post 16.

The friend had 2 younger brothers and liked a bit of peace and quiet!

Have you spoken to the Designated Safeguarding lead at school? This is a potential safeguarding issue. You say she’s up all night looking after younger siblings? Then she may be regarded as a ‘young carer’ and needs support for all sorts of reasons.

It’s amazing that you are helping her so much but it’s not a long term solution. Somebody official needs to look into this.

She says she shares a room with you nger ones including a baby so is woken up all night. They only have a 2 bed and 4 kids!

I would phone the NSPCC for advice. Poor child.

I've not spoken to the school as despite this she does seem happy, probably because she's here

Speaking ti the designated safeguarding lead at the school would be a great start. They can then be aware and keep an eye on her even if it doesn't meet the threshold for social care. It does sound like she is a young carer.

I'd just keep her
But then I grew up with parents who collected waifs and strays.
But there are definitely reasons to alert someone.

I would keep her! I just think it's odd her parents aren't bothered.

I think it's worth contacting ss. Let them know what's going on. I bet their claiming benefits for this child. Have you thought if she's always at yours it could be worth speaking to ss and saying your fine with this happening but if she's practically living with you maybe it's worth making official ie fostering her. This way she gets the attention she needs and financially you get something to support her on

I will have to think what to do. The other week we were going out and had plans so said she would have to go home, but the girl said her parents had gone out so she couldn't get in. Who does that?!? With no thanks, no concern...

I think you should raise it with the safeguarding lead at school. It's great that she is so happy at yours, and obviously feels safe and welcome. But there may be other issues that you are not aware of, which the safeguarding people know about. There may be a bigger picture.

Or there may be absolutely nothing to worry about, but no harm done in mentioning it,

Your home sounds lovely by the way. Somewhere children can be happy, relaxed, wanted and listened to. She's lucky to have got you, and no doubt she will remember your generosity forever.

Age 12 this is really too young to basically decide you'd rather live at someone else's house. I initially thought you meant Year 12. It's really poor safeguarding on their behalf to let her live round at yours, you sound lovely but you might not be and so letting her sleep over when they don't know you and only spoke to you once/see them around is really neglectful. I agree with everyone- chat to the school/social services and also limit sleepovers to once a week. You can't just start parenting another person's child.

I understand how worried you are but ss won’t do anything unless there is a real danger or underlying problem that you are not aware of. Speak to the school safeguarding officer incase there is more to it.

I doubt the parents will consent to any formal fostering arrangement and might just cause trouble for you if you suggest it.

Is your DD okay with her being over at yours the whole time? If DD's alright with it, I'd let her hang out and would be happy to feed her (though I'd draw the line at paying for activities!)
I'd also speak to the school, they probably know the family already but extra information can be useful.
Well done for offering the girl a safe place to be, sounds like she needs a break poor kid ☹️