Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DD's friend's parents

101 replies

notanotherfucker · 24/06/2019 18:49

My dd has a friend local to us, she is a lovely lass and she stays here most days. For the past few weeks we have fed her tea she's slept over most nights.

I don't mind as she seems to really like being here but her parents don't seem to mind, is this a bit odd?

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 25/06/2019 18:44

My youngest daughter had a friend like that. They met in 4th grade (age 9) and were BFFs. Girl's mother would go out on Friday night with her BF and be gone all weekend. No relatives nearby. She spent every weekend with us (Friday night thru Monday morning) for the next 6 years. She was just an extra daughter, not a guest. Did her homework and helped out. Had better manners than my DD sometimes! She died at 25 of a heart infection - I have never regretted giving her a stable family life.

bodgeitandscarper · 25/06/2019 18:54

Georgiagirl, that is lovely of you, and very sad Flowers

EvaHarknessRose · 25/06/2019 18:54

I’d set some boundaries with her like

  • sleepovers oÅ„ly on set days x 2 a week
  • she sleeps on a blow up bed downstairs to give your dd some space
  • she can come for tea x nights a week
  • you and she need to speak to an adult at school about her home life
These are caring and realistic if sustainable for you, but bear in mind relationship with her parents may get tricky when you report, but you must.
HJWT · 25/06/2019 19:02

@notanotherfucker you need to remember this girl could be lying because she prefers your home food / family life. I would personally contact SS and ask them to look into it, tell them your concerns and tell them if it was necessary you would happily foster her....

fedup21 · 25/06/2019 19:06

She's come over now saying her stepmum has sent her as her dad is away for tonight and she can't cope with her. How rude that's a week in a row now... She's begging me to stay

I would go round and talk to the parents now.

Marmozet · 25/06/2019 19:08

This needs reporting to SS.

79andnotout · 25/06/2019 19:14

I had a bad home life (violent alcoholic mother who drank and smoked all the benefits money) and spent a lot of time at my friends houses as a teenager. I guess their parents all realised what was going on. I really appreciated all the dinners and welcomes I got, it was so nice to experience some normality. I went to uni as far away from home as I could and lost touch with many of my school friends as I never went back, but I think of them and their mothers fondly every now and then, and wish we'd stayed in touch.

BlueMerchant · 25/06/2019 19:16

I'd be wondering if this girl is telling the whole truth before you go reporting anything.
Go around there and ask for a chat and see how things are yourself then decide if you need to involve SS.

gingerpaleandproud · 25/06/2019 20:25

Why have you never tried to speak to the parents? I am finding this really odd, tbh.

Original poster
notanotherfucker · 26/06/2019 10:56

The parents.. My oh once spoke to her dad and he was very off with him. I have walked past them and they don't even look up to say hello, they don't seem v approachable.

She stayed again last night, we said no originally but she came back and was begging me so I said it was OK, and she was then really happy.

OP posts:
BarryBarryTaylor · 26/06/2019 11:22

Have you reported this to SS yet or spoke to the school today OP?

MondayTuesdayWednesday · 26/06/2019 11:46

I don't know if I would believe everything she says. She could be playing you and her parents off against each other.

I certainly would talk to the parents. If her parents are too scary to talk to then I would wary about having the child to stay at my house at all. Goodness knows what they could accuse you of.

After you speak to the parents, if you feel that she is at risk then you need to speak to SS.

It is nice to help people out but it is silly to be pushover as well. Why are you giving up your bed? You have to remember, her and her daughter may not always be friends and your daughter won't want her around so I would certainly help her but be wary of just letting her move in full time.

ThatCurlyGirl · 26/06/2019 12:11

We collected what my mum called waifs and strays when I was growing up Smile

She said she started with adopting my brother and I and then got carried away trying to rescue anyone in trouble bless her!

Looking back though I wish in some cases she had flagged the issues to school so they could have investigated.

One lovely girl in my class lived with her dad as sadly her mum passed away - she knew nothing about periods because her dad wouldn't talk about it to her.

She thought she was dying - bleeding to death - when she had her first one (catholic school in which we weren't taught about anything personal!) She was terrified and I felt just awful about how scared she was.

I told mum who explained it all to her calmly and bought all her tampons and pads every month for years even though we really had no dosh.

So so so lovely of my mum, I'm going to give her a big hug when I see her today!

MindyStClaire · 26/06/2019 12:23

I think you should report. Who knows what's happening with the younger children, and whether anyone is looking out for them.

ooooohbetty · 26/06/2019 12:33

It sounds like she's using your house a sanctuary. I used to spend loads of time a my friends house when I was young because there was DV happening in mine and her house was peaceful and calm. Her parents used to take me for weekends away and days out. You're showing her normality.

SushiTime · 26/06/2019 13:13

My DH basically lived with his next door neighbours.

His family/home life was awful. Mum and dad hated each other and constantly argued/fought etc
He said he used to listen out of the bathroom window for the sound of their car pulling up and run round. They adored him and took him on holiday with him and all sorts. He recently wrote the mum a letter thanking her and including pics of our child and she rung him crying! They're coming for a bbq this weekend.

So just know it will mean the world to her one day Thanks

MissClareRemembers · 26/06/2019 13:28

OP what have you decided to do?

Overwhelming consensus has been to report it ASAP and that yes, in answer to your question, it is odd and something is clearly amiss. She may very well be happy at school but that could be because it’s a safe place and she is looked after there.

Please say you’ve reported this now?

Beesandcheese · 26/06/2019 13:38

It was spending all my time at someone else's house that got me to the attention of SS and meant I had a couple of years of a 'normal life' away from my neglectful and abusive parents. She's aware of what she is saying. I think she's past the covering for them stage. She's perhaps got the indignation of an early teen, but it does sound as though she's being a bit cinders at home

Original poster
notanotherfucker · 26/06/2019 14:15

I don't want to report to them to ss then them be notified and it cause trouble for her at home and them keep her away.

I am going to speak to school instead.

Im glad people think it's good in helping her. I don't want it to back fire on her.

OP posts:
greenwaterbottle · 26/06/2019 14:16

Possible piss it to school that you don't know how to approach the parents as it's becoming a financial burden and an imposition by the parents etc

greenwaterbottle · 26/06/2019 14:17

No idea what i was trying to say...

Original poster
notanotherfucker · 26/06/2019 14:48

Thanks @greenwater, that's useful and I understand what you mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
notanotherfucker · 26/06/2019 20:54

And thank you all for the advice...

My Dd is not here tonight so she couldn't stay either, miss them both really.

OP posts:
Cryalot2 · 26/06/2019 21:16

The poor kid.
I hope she gets the help she seems to need.
The school approach seems best . They may already be aware of her.
You can rest known you have helped.

greenwaterbottle · 26/06/2019 21:42

Dis you speak to school

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread