School run mum. Dreading it

[Deadposhtory]

I'm sat in my car about half a mile from D's school.
He has a friend I'll call him Sam. Sam has been his friend since reception and every afternoon we walk we Sam's parents the half mile to our cars although we park in different car parks.
I'm fed up. I'm disabled and they know it yet every afternoon I struggle to keep up with them and am often Left trailing behind. The mum never greets me unless I speak first and often never says hi just talks to her older child as I struggle along at the back. Also although Sam has been to ours loads of times they have never once invited my son to their house.
At Easter I gave Sam a chocolate egg and was surprised I got no thanks. I asked mum if he had received it and she just said yes and nothing else.
I have taken to taking painkillers at 2pm in prep for school run.
My son insits he wants to walk the half mile with Sam, but I'm so fed up with it. It's ok with just my son and me.
Fed up and miserable

Honestly I think if someone posted here that they loved the walk home with their DC as they saw it as their only one on one time etc etc but another child keeps following them and the other mother does nothing to stop their child or call them back and asked if they were being unreasonable to just keep walking, I think they would be told they were not being unreasonable. I think k the problem here is your son. You may well be driving her mad and her rudeness is a knock on out of frustration. Go your separate ways after school op

Horrible situation for you, I'm seething as I read it

But maybe it's a good opportunity to teach your DS not to be oblivious to atmosphere? Explain to him that you're being snubbed, and that he needs to recognise when someone is sending non-verbal messages. You're right to cut the play-time that the two boys have. Do your own thing.

@calmdownjanet driving her mad how exactly? By daring to walk home the same way and for letting her ds talk to his FRIEND? Good grief.

And the posters saying the other mum wants nothing to do with op, well why on earth does she let her child go to her house then? Bizarre way to behave if you ask me. She needs to either be civil with you or just stop bothering with them all at, why should you look after and cater for her child if she can't even be bothered to speak to you? She can't have it all ways.

I'm certainly not obliged to reciprocate play dates or presents. Sorry, i think YABU.

I beg to differ. If you're happy to accept play date invitations, then you should be prepared to reciprocate. You're under no obligation to accept the invitation, you can always say no. It's called common courtesy.

It doesn't mean you have to be mates with the other mum; my DD2 regularly has play dates with one friend where I'm not friends with the mum, but we're always polite to each other.

And not saying thank you? That's plain rude.

I know it's hard but try not to take it personally. As others have said she might just want to get home after school, and once you start swapping Easter eggs it's a yearly commitment, then you wonder if xmas and birthdays need to be prepared for. It becomes a chore.

I'm probably more polite than the mum you describe but I dont need to be friends will the parents of my DC mates.

No I don't have to reciprocate. If you have chosen to invite kids to your house then that's good for you. I don't have too.
But, by Op's update, she's clearly a but odd. "I deserve better," what the hell is that supposed to mean?

As someone with a disease that causes a good amount of pain I’ve learned, and I’m sure you know this, OP, the more you use painkillers, the less effective they’ll become (so the more you’ll need). And if they’re paracetamol or something, you can only take so much. So... I taught myself to think: am I really going to waste their effectiveness on something I don’t want/need to do??? Yes, sure, sometimes you have to do important things, but I’m taking about shite like this. I call it simply: don’t waste your painkillers. If your disease is (God forbid) degenerative, or even just worse after a long week at work, you’re going to want to be pain-free to play with your son or spend time with your partner or friends, not deal with arseholes. So. Park closer. Walk slower. Do whatever it is you need.

So it's fine to accept play dates and gifts without at least saying thank you?? And if you really didn't want someone to trouble you, why wouldn't you stop accepting the invitations? Just stop. Unless you're using her for free childcare?

yes only doing it for my son as easier to park elsewhere which I will be doing from now on

Op I am fit and well but there is no way I would walk unnecessarily for half a mile just so my child could talk to their friend. It's not good to be a martyr like this and it's probably something the other mum has picked up on.

How unkind to call the OP a stalker!
the other mum has been pretty quick to make use of her for playdates (childmind her son for free) but isn't civil enough to say hello.
Sorry you've been treated like this at school OP.. Just take a step back and help your son make some new friends. After school activites are a great way to make a start on this.. and it will break up the current situation.

And if she thinks that the OP is odd or even a stalker, why does she trust her to look after her DS? It doesn't add up, does it?

I do not think play dates need to be reciprocated. Sometimes you feel backed into a corner by them!

My DC is invited on play dates by a couple of classmates DC doesn’t play with ordinarily. The other parents tell me that they want to widen their own DC’s circle. My DC will play but sometimes doesn’t particularly want the play date. I can only postpone it for so long. They then have a play date that is neither successful nor unsuccessful for my DC who doesn’t want to reciprocate the play date. A period of time elapses and it starts again. Should I say no to all play dates and if so how? Am I obliged to reciprocate? Why?

I never said anything about saying thankyou.

But it sounds like it's a regular thing, and that her DS wants them too (hence crying that another child was having a play date and he wasn't included.

If this mum didn't want the play dates, why accept so many? That makes it look like she's using the other mum for free childcare.

I tried to arrange play dates for my DD1 (now 10) because she struggles socially. I haven't had much success and they've stopped happening, which is quite understandable.

If anything, it's the other mum who is a bit weird. If she doesn't want to encourage this friendship then why doesn't she just say, 'No, that doesn't work for us'?

I think you're being harsh on the other mum as walking to and from school with my DCs is the best part of my day and one of the few times when they'll open up about stuff. I hate it when we end up walking alongside others as then our conversation stops and the kids run on and I'm left making small talk with someone I have nothing in common with other than our DCs going to the same school & being friends with one another. Don't get me wrong, I would never be rude, but I do deliberately walk quickly and keep the DCs close by so that we can avoid it this exact situation as much as possible.

[I'm not the other mum in the Op as I don't walk to a car but walk the whole way home, plus I always have friends round to play ]

You don't have to reciprocate playdates, but there is something wrong if you do that while you keep on accepting them (taking advantage of them) and then don't even have to manners to say good morning to the other mum. If she didn't want OP's son to walk with hers, she could easily send him back to catch up with his mum and problem solved.
Who picks up/drops off from playdates OP? Is it you? Does she speak to you then?

@Lizzie3869 you're just making things up now. You have no idea if the other mum wants to discourage the friendship. It's likely she hasn't even really noticed OP trailing behind her. It's not something I would have taken much notice of.

God she needs a shovel round the back of the head, I think disabled people are more overlooked now than ever!! My DM is disabled and raising 3 GC she is very lucky the other parents at school are understanding but a couple of them are very rude...

Maybe you're right about that, @MonstranceClock but what we do know is that this mum has been rude. When I've had one of DD's friends at our house, their mum has always thanked me, and vice versa. This mum hasn't done that.

You don't need to be friends with the friend's mum. But you need to be able to talk with them. What if your child misbehaves whilst on a play date? You would then need to get the facts from that other mum who you don't want to speak to.

It's not just you who has said things, others have accused the OP of being a stalker! I get that it wasn't you.

Op I think you're being very unfair on the other mum here. It's sad that you struggle to keep up but you have chosen to make this unnecessary walk simply so that your son can talk to his friend. That's really quite bizarre.

It's really inappropriate to facilitate the tagging along with another parent.Tell him No and start parenting him properly.

Accepting play dates is not ‘taking advantage’ of them. Play dates are a complete pain. Drive to someone’s house. Twenty minutes. Drive home twenty minutes. Kid stays two hours max and I spend 80 minutes in the car. Meanwhile my kid entertains another kid while the mother gets to stay in her own house pottering away!!!

Im sorry you are in pain but this situation is of your own making. Glad you are now parking as near as possible to school. No need to make a little boy cry because you have the hump at their mum. Dont go rubbing it in if ds is having other play dates. Teach your ds to be kind and tactful.

I don't blame the other mum wanting to get home, not go at your pace. Quite likely her older child has activities. You dont state the ages of the dc involved but I'd have thought availability for playdates becomes very limited if older dc have activities, homework, music practice etc. She could easily be on a timer to get home, make tea, get out again. Thats my life on the days i have activities.

I don't have any evenings free for playdates because I work and I have 8yo who has a full schedule outside school time.

If you don't get reciprocal playdates then by all means dont invite her ds again if it feels like its got to be a habit that you host all the time. Personally I invite (on rare occasions) whoever my dc want to see. I haven't got to the point where I've felt it was disproportionate that we are doing too much of the hosting but equally if I dont get reciprocal play date then admittedly I will usually think to invite someone we 'owe' a playdate rather than who 'owes' us.

Also she was rude not to thank you for easter egg. I would have thanked you and politely asked you not to again as we get so much easter chocolate it invariably gets chucked out.

It can be like that, I suppose, although I've never had to go that far for a play date, as thankfully my DDs' friends are more local than that. And we always have them for tea, as do the friends' mums when our DDs go to their house.

But no one has to do play dates. And no one has to go on agreeing to them.

And no one has to go on agreeing to them

People can be very persistent! There are only so many times you can postpone before it gets embarrassing. I’ve also noticed some people invite the kids directly which is even worse!