to not turn up to court?

[gtigti]

Family law matter. I haven't received any paperwork as I'm living at a confidential address. It may be at my old address (friends house) but I haven't picked any post up from there as I've changed all my important paperwork. I didn't realise I was expecting court paperwork.

Turns out I'm due in court tomorrow. No time to get legal representation or legal aid sorted. Don't know what time the hearing is. Don't even know what it's for.

AIBU to not turn up or will that make me look like I don't care? I'm scared I will turn up completely unprepared and unaware of what I'm walking in to.

My address is confidential and I have an injunction against my ex. The hearing for this was held where I live now so he clearly knows I'm not in my previous city anymore.

What do I do?

Ok. Deep breaths... IAMAL obviously, but in my case to get a PSO against my ex, I needed to document every single tiny thing - police reports, as reports, psychology reports, you name it. And lucky for me he shot himself in the foot by not turning up...

Where are you moving to? Is it far? How much contact has he had with ds? How much evidence have you got of the abuse?

I, again, only speak from experience, but when I was in court, I had to prepare my statement that was delivered to him, and then he had a week to respond...

In fact come to think of it, because I filed for the orders, I had five days to prepare my (37 page!) statement, he then had a week to respond...

It doesn't seem fair or legal (?! Unless it was an emergency hearing) to do this?

@bobbybella It's not legal. They have not served the notice that requires OP to turn up to court. Thus, there is no court tomorrow.

OP, if your solicitor is unable to help you at the moment - you can do the forms yourself. I'm on maternity leave, but if you need I can talk you through the forms via PM tonight if that is helpful to you, and these can be emailed to CAFCASS securely with your solicitor CC'd for when you've been given legal aid and served with actual paperwork.

Sergeilavrov thanks for confirming that. As I said, that was my experience and actually the servee (is that a word?) got far long to prepare the statement than the server, if that makes sense.

I went to a talk recently by the National Centre for Domestic Violence. They specialise in getting injunctions for victims of DV.

OP already has a non-molestation order against her ex - that means there was clear evidence that he posed a threat to the safety of OP and the child. Now he is trying to perpetuate the abuse by obtaining a prohibited steps order, which would prevent OP from moving the child away.

I don’t have personal experience or expertise of this, so I can only offer a hunch. If you believe your ex poses a risk to the child, work with the solicitor to either deny access, or ensure it is only supervised and at a contact centre. They have to put the child’s safety first, but you need to present the evidence to support them in making that decision.

@PuzzledObserver thanks for that. That sounds really interesting. I would've loved to attend that.

The funny thing is, he's been through this all before, and tried to get a PSO when his ex was moving house only 20 miles away.

Did they say much more about the PSO and how this is used to perpetuate further abuse?

And @PuzzledObserver they were the ones who did the non mol for me. They were so amazing!

@gtigti just that many abusers will use anything available to them to maintain control over the victim, or to punish her if they can’t control her. Not many of them just accept it’s over and walk away.

Seeking access to the child and preventing the mother from putting distance between them may be motivated by a genuine desire to maintain a relationship with the child. Or it might be a way of exerting control over the mother. He can’t contact you or threaten or harass you because of the NMO, or he’ll end up in jail. But he can make your life difficult by forcing you to go to court.

If he tried to prevent an ex from moving only 20 miles away, that suggests the latter motivation to me.

Thanks @PuzzledObserver - really interesting and I suspect that this is absolutely a control thing for him. Sadly he is very good at pretending that his son is his whole world. Pretending he just wants to see him and I fear he will charm the courts. His actions prove that he absolutely does not care that much about his son.

You need to go to court.

Ohio have you RTFT?

May I suggest you do when responding to serious thread ie not just someone asking which colour curtains to get?

I've just finished in family courts myself, there was no one to watch my 5.5 month old DD, I still turned up to court under the presumption that I'd have to wait outside and my solicitor would go in and talk on my behalf, but it turns out that you have to take your baby in the court arena with you I'd turn up to court if I was you

@SavanahXx it's entirely different for me though. I don't have a solicitor as I can't be represented by someone who doesn't know what I'm going to court for. I don't know if it's at the family or magistrates court. I don't know what time it's listed for, or really what it's even listed for. Plus I'm guessing your court wasn't 3+ hours away from you? Was there a risk to your child re domestic abuse and an injunction in place?

Horrible feeling of dread today

[hugs] Your solicitor gave you good advice. Try to keep that in mind. You're doing what you've been advised to do.

Thinking of you. I've been to court 18 times with my ex and am on first name terms with the usher 😩
What time is the hearing?
Cafcass will be there and will see you before you go in so you'll be able to explain again that you have no representation, the non-mol, the worries, the lack of paperwork etc.
I imagine the court will order further investigations and schedule a further hearing in about 8-12 weeks.

Thanks @MondayMonday89 - it makes me feel better that I'll actually have a solicitor with me next time I go so they can explain the situation on my behalf.

@DtPeabodysLoosePants don't think you've rtft

@gtigti Did you manage to email CAFCASS last night with the details suggested? If you’re feeling overwhelmed, give Women’s Aid a call. They do excellent work dealing with agencies, and will support you through this emotional time. I hope you’ve decided against going today, in line with legal advice from your solicitor

The offer of help is still open with regards to those forms, I’m having my c section on Friday so may be unavailable for a while after that, but anytime before is fine. You will find lots of willing support out there!

Obviously I've missed something then.

to you

Update. Just spoke to them (the court) on the phone. They've said that the notes say it has now been transferred to my local court. They need to decide whether a fact finding (?) is necessary and that the bundle (?) is to be forwarded to me at my current address. Also that the case is to be consolidated with the non-molestation order. This can only be a good thing right?

Thank you so much for your offer @sergeilavrov - hopefully I will have time now to go through everything with my solicitor once I receive the paperwork, but will absolutely DM you if I need to. If you're unavailable don't worry :) best of luck with your baby. How exciting!

Glad you got through to them in the end.

good luck with sorting it all out. Glad they are linking it to the non molestation order. hope that will work in your favour.

Thanks @BlackeyedGruesome

Thanks everyone on this thread who helped me. This is a really dark time in my life and the support and reassurance I've received from mn is just amazing.

Bundle = all the paperwork / documents produced so far for the case.

I’m so glad a sensible approach has been taken by the court - hopefully now with your solicitor it can get sorted