to not turn up to court?

[gtigti]

Family law matter. I haven't received any paperwork as I'm living at a confidential address. It may be at my old address (friends house) but I haven't picked any post up from there as I've changed all my important paperwork. I didn't realise I was expecting court paperwork.

Turns out I'm due in court tomorrow. No time to get legal representation or legal aid sorted. Don't know what time the hearing is. Don't even know what it's for.

AIBU to not turn up or will that make me look like I don't care? I'm scared I will turn up completely unprepared and unaware of what I'm walking in to.

My address is confidential and I have an injunction against my ex. The hearing for this was held where I live now so he clearly knows I'm not in my previous city anymore.

What do I do?

Ive just spoken to my solicitor who said under no circumstances should I go with my son as my ex is a risk to both of us. He said email the court again and let them know why I am not attending and to phone cafcass and explain also why I won't be there, then ask for the case to be transferred as a matter of urgency

Op also as soon as you arrive (or you can email them now) please ask for victim support, there should be someone there that can sit with you (and maybe hold your baby whilst you speak) they are there to support and help you through the court service.

Perfect. Can you get your sol to email you a copy of that advice?

Well done OP

Can your solicitor relist it for you? Is he able to do that on your behalf. Just to say make sure you double check, as sometimes the instructions are lost and the case is listed anyway.

It would obviously be in your interest to have legal representation, and and organised childcare and be prepared.

Without knowing your case, is there a risk to your baby? If there is, of course you must not go, but do double check.

Brilliant. Good work op.
I’m so sorry your going through all this shit.

Just a thought (and your solicitor will know better) if you get the case moved will it not give the rough area to your ex? So you may be safer to travel?

Dunno, just a thought.

I would request a postponement and guarantees from the court regarding your safety.

@SaveKevin the stupid thing is, the non molestation was heard where I live now. He knows this is where I live.

@Littlekittystops there's a risk to both of us. I'm really scared of him.

I feel physically sick thinking about all of this.

I've been there and I had support.
It's very tough.

I hope court accepts your reasons and offers more protection.

What if they don't accept my reasons? What if it goes against me and my son suffers for it? I'm such a mess. My ex gets to abuse me and my son and will probably get away with it yet I can't turn up to court because I didn't even get the paperwork and I'm going to end up being punished. I can just tell already.

Try to stay calm and just do what your solicitor advises. You’ve had professional advice now.

If they haven't sent you the paperwork then how could you attend anyway? But I think the advice you've had is good. Poor you. It sounds like a really shit situation.

Do what your solicitor advises.

And definitely do not interrupt breastfeeding for court - explain that you are feeding in your email.

What is the reason for taking you to court? (you don't have to answer here)
It could be considered as part of the abuse, if it's not reasonable.

It looks like the court is failing if they are not taking into account the non-molestation order.

Check with your solicitor, but IME (not UK, though) it will be a first hearing.

I think your solicitor should send someone to have it adjourned. They must have papers?

What if it goes against me and my son suffers for it?

Is this the first hearing in the Family Court?

If it is then it's what's called a "Directions Hearing" and things are never decided at a Directions Hearing (unless both parties agree).

So, don't worry about it, nothing will get decided tomorrow if you're not there. The first hearing is usually to understand what the actual issues are and the judge will give directions on any extra evidence or reports or position statements etc that will be required and say by what date these need to be produced.

So don't worry no decision will be taken tomorrow if this is the first hearing.

It is the first hearing. @Missingstreetlife I've only had one meeting with my solicitor and this was before I even knew he was taking me to court. Neither me nor my solicitor have papers.

@nickymanchester I believe it's the first hearing yes.

I know this is really hard but you can get through this if you dont panic. I would really recommend that you get a notebook where you keep a timeline, a journal of everything happening. Note down every time you have any interaction with anyone official about this. Write down who it was, when it was and what they said. Get their phone number and email for future reference. Keep the back pages for contact info. Every time you agree something with someone write down whose responsibilty it is and when it should be done. Youve been backfooted this time through no fault of your own but youve got MN behind you and there really are some very knowledgeable women on here who will always try to help you.

Your solicitor is right - don't go. Email all your reasons including putting your child at risk if you'd show up at these circumstances. Apologise, express regret. Try to make all reasons sound as valid as possible. But child safety should be enough, i think. Good luck.

I'm just so scared it's going to look awful me not turning up.

It happens all the time. Some even argue that’s the reason why court rulings take so much time - half of people don’t show up and then the other half don’t show up later. You have to do 2 things right - inform the court and have a valid reason and it will not go agains you or in his favour.

@ItookYourJob do you think my reason is a good enough one? I'm nervous the judge and cafcass will judge me negatively because of if. Even though cafcass were the ones who initially told me I need to have the case transferred!