MIL wants them all wearing the same dress for the wedding next year

[Whatdoyouwanttobewhenyougrowup]

I'll keep this as new if as possible and try not to drop feed but some thing isn't sitting right with this idea my MIL has got in her head.

I get on well with MIL on the world I've had to put my foot down on a couple of minor things and be assertive when it comes to boundaries but I consider our relationship pretty good. I get on with DHs family pretty ok in general, no dramas or falling outs or anything like that.
The wedding is between DHs brother and his DP. I've only met the brother a handful of times even though I've been with DH a few years, I've met his wife to be even less and don't really know her. As yet there are no plans for bridesmaids or flowers girls at the wedding. Due to travel and work issues we are actually uncertain whether we can even make the wedding yet, The brother is aware of this and is understanding.

My DD has a quite a bit older half sister and a quite a bit younger cousin who MIL wants to take shopping nearer the wedding when colour schemes have been decided, to ensure they are all wearing matching dresses in the chosen colour scheme. My self and DP are expected to pay for the dresses for our DDs.

AIBU to not want this? I don't want to pay for a dress I havnt chosen. None of the children are bridesmaids and if I were the bride I'm not sure i would be happy with it either. Surely they will end up being mistaken for bridesmaids or flowers girls on the day? I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things and I don't want to make a deal out of it if the general consensus is to leave MIL to it..

Yanbu, the kids arent props for her to dress up and parade around. Why does she get to say what your children wear? And how rude and arrogant of her thinking she will just do this and you will pay for it. I would tell her that's not happening.

Hmm - i think you're right in that it's not MILs place to arrange for groups of people to be dressed the same at a wedding. ESPECIALLY in the colour scheme which the bride has gone for. I wouldn't want to be part of this plan.

I can see the AIBU now ...
''MIL has asked what my colour scheme for the wedding is so she can dress all the kids on her side of the family the same!! But I don't want it to look like loads of bride's maids ect in the pics!''

If i was you, what would i say? Nothing yet.

• Maybe someone else will put her straight.
• Maybe you wont go in the end.
• Maybe the excitement will wear off and she wont bother.
• Maybe she'll wake up in the middle of the night and think ''shit - i'm being a prat''.

.....

Just thank her but you want to choose what your kids will wear.

Tell MIL you will only agree to it if she wears the same dress as the girls.

So she wants to make them bridesmaids, at your cost, and without permission of the bride nor groom?

I'd take a wide berth myself!

Id just ask your oh to check with his brother if him and wife to be are happy with it.

If they are i would say to mil " go ahead, here is £20(or however much you are happy with) towards it as that if what i was planning to spend"

If husband and bride to be are happy i see no issue making grandma happy too

I wouldn't like it at all and I can't imagine the bride would either, they're going to look like bridesmaids, if anything they should wear colours nothing like the bridal party.

Only if you 100% know Bride and Groom are happy with it and are approving dress choice

Only if budget is agreed in advance

Tell her you'll talk to the bride about it nearer the time if you are even going. I agree it's definitely something the bride might have an opinion on so worth checking beforehand. If you don't like the idea though I think it's absolutely fine to say no thanks, we're not keen on expensive matchy outfits.

YANBU, as you say they aren’t bridesmaids and matching dresses to compliment a chosen colour scheme will make them appear to be part of the bridal party.
It’s not a great way to welcome SIL to be into the family and MIL is wrong to make this decision presumably without agreement from BIL and his wife to be.

If I were you I would wait until MIL brings it up directly to you or DH and simply say it’s probably not a good idea since they aren’t part of the bridal party. Just keep it simple, polite and factual. No need for it to become a bigger issue than it is, maybe MIL hasn’t fully thought it through, or maybe she has and she doesn’t care but I imagine SIL to be will thank you for nipping this one in the bud so she doesn’t have to.

If I were the bride, this would piss me right off. No, no and tell mil it's not her bloody place to do this#

Cripes OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable atall.

YANBU. Your MIL is crazy, just tell her NO

Absolutely not on! You’re their mother and you can choose what they wear. That’s a nice part of a wedding.

What did you say to her when she suggested this?

I'd just keep stalling to put MIL off by saying that you're not sure whether you can go. Once you've confirmed, tell MIL that you've already bought the outfit.

Perhaps she just thinks it would look cute and is not trying to make them stealth bridesmaids

My nan bought my small cousins shoes just before my wedding - not matching though! I thought it was a sweet gesture at the time, now I've experienced buying children's shoes myself I realise that it must have cost quite a bit! But you are expected to pay for this yourself? I'd be checking this with the bride or groom, perhaps you need to clarify the 'colour scheme' aspect?! Good luck, OP.

YANBU. Doubt the older child would even want to be dressed in anything resembling the youngest child's dress. You simply tell her that you will be choosing what your children wear, if it's a thing that you and your family can actually attend the wedding. Tell her there's no sense buying anything until a couple of weeks before the date in case you all can't go. Then don't engage in any further discussion.

What is the age range of the girls? Not sure the eldest would want to wear the same dress as the youngest.

Absolutely not as there aren’t that many occcasiosn to dress children up and on the ones there are I will choose what they wear

Crosspost Drum

MIL is just excited! She sounds sweet. It'd be a pity to knock her back.

Stealth bridesmaids, with MIL as the mission commander. That would be a no from me, I can't imagine she will find matching outfits they all like with an age gap.

I would tell MiL you don't know if you will be able to attend yet so don't want to get an outfit for your dd at the moment. Then leave it. If MiL asks again just repeat.

It seems silly for them to have matching outfits. Maybe outfits that are colour co-ordinated would be better.